If you are wondering how to get over someone who occupies your every waking moment and reminds you of the amazing life that could have been, I honestly understand your predicament. Yes, you accept it's over now, and you know that the two of you will never be.
But you can't seem to move on. So, what are you to do to get your life back?
While I can assure you that moving on is possible, understand that getting over someone is no walk in the park.
You probably feel that your life was shattered, and your mind is probably stuck in your painful past.
Let me start by saying how sorry I feel for you. I totally understand how badly you want to put the past behind you.
Luckily, I am about to share some tips that helped me look forward to the future I never imagined was possible after getting my heart broken.
Tips On How To Get Over Someone
1. Embrace The Pain
Let me be clear: I don't mean you should go out of your way and wallow in self-pity. That is very unhealthy.
What is mean is that you should allow yourself to feel the pain that is bubbling up inside you due to the breakup. Don't bottle it inside because it will never go away until you let it come out, no matter how long you wait.
When you lose a valued relationship, you lose a valuable part of yourself, and that's going to hurt.
This explains the emptiness you feel and the loss of a sense of direction you have in your life. You have lost your half, and life can't feel as it did before.
Happy relationships cause especially painful breakups because, in such relationships, your lives revolve around each other.
So, once you break up, you imagine all the time you have wasted.
The reality of this makes you really hurt inside, and you might be tempted to hide the pain from the world.
But that's a huge mistake. Embrace the pain so that it goes away forever and allows you to focus on a brighter future.
If you hold in the pain, it will hold you back as you go through life.
2. Ask For Help If You Need It
It's only on rare occasions that people decide to end things at the same time. And that means that one of the partners might not be ready for the separation when it actually takes place.
If you are in this unfortunate position, and you feel a little too overwhelmed, then you can ask a friend to help you out. Having someone help you deal with the shock and the feelings of rejection can make the process of getting over the person much easier.
Even though you might have suffered a breakup, you are still lovable and worthwhile, and there will always be someone who can see that. If you are having doubts about having a normal life after the breakup, then you can get someone to help you out.
Also, don't focus on what you did wrong, but on how much better your life could be despite the breakup.
But generally, having someone you can talk to can really help.
3. Accept That Loss Is Part Of Life
As a human being, you will at times feel down, and there will be times you feel great. There will also be times you get awesome things in miraculous ways, and times you will lose things you treasure in unexpected ways.
But what matters the most is understanding that these moments don't define you – that's just the way life is.
So, even if you have lost someone you thought would be in your life forever, take comfort in the fact that loss is part of life.
Sure, it might be hard at first, but if you take one step at a time, eventually you will feel better about yourself. There is life after the breakup, and you can still build the beautiful future you have always dreamed about.
4. Don't Be Tempted To Get Angry
Many people get angry when they part ways with those they love. That's understandable, but it's unhealthy.
The truth is that anger is a secondary emotion, a mask for your pain. It makes you feel like you have a little more control over the situation when you actually don't.
Anger just takes away your power to get over the person. It will hide the disappointment, pain, and self-doubt that comes with getting heartbroken.
These are the emotions you should focus on addressing.
When you allow anger to overwhelm you, you will also end up being incredibly negative towards everyone. In the end, you will end up pushing more people away, and you will create the impression that everyone is abandoning you.
But if you deal with the real pain of breaking up, then you will have people support and stand by you. More importantly, you will heal yourself completely.
5. Don't Go Back If Nothing Has Changed
Sometimes, after some time apart, you might decide that getting over the person might not be the best option for you. You or your partner might choose to go back and resume from where you left off.
While that is certainly an option you can explore, you should not do it simply because you feel lonely and lost.
Before you get back together, make sure the issues that caused your breakup are completely resolved. That means you should take time to think things over and sort out everything.
Otherwise, if you get back together with the issues that tore you apart unresolved, you will end up right where you started. However, you will have wasted a lot more of your time.
6. Don't Try To Rush The Process
Here's the tough reality: you will never get over someone in a day or two. Research has actually found out that you need 11 weeks to feel better after parting ways with someone you loved.
That's if you are lucky because another study discovered that after the end of a marriage, you would need about 18 months to heal your wounds.
You see, when you break up with someone, you get into a grieving process. People are different, and they go through this process differently.
Other factors come into play as well, such as the length of the relationship and how huge of an impact it had on you. Issues like having children together and how deeply you loved each other will also matter.
And then there's another important factor: whether or not you wanted the relationship to end. If you were still fighting for the relationship's survival before it ended, odds are that you will need a lot more time to move on.
Obviously, there is no ideal scenario here. But consider that lots of people suffer the horrible pain of breaking up, and they managed to move on with their lives.
Getting heartbroken is a normal part of life, although we do all we can to avoid it. So, even though in the first few days it might not feel like you will get over the relationship, know what over time, you will feel better.
So, take time to grieve the person you have lost. Take as long as you need to heal yourself because we are all different.
Don't force yourself to "get over it" and "move on already", and don't let anyone pressure you into it.
7. Taking Too Much Time Grieving Is Not How To Get Over Someone
It's okay to grieve the loss of a valuable relationship. But it's just as important not to overdo it.
In fact, it might get to a point where you have to decide you won't grieve anymore so you can move on.
Generally, your life should not come to a halt just because a relationship has ended. So, even as you mourn, make sure you don't forget you have a life to live and dreams to chase.
A breakup should be a temporary setback, not a life destination.
8. Know How To Get Over Someone By Focusing On Yourself
One of the reasons we feel lost after breakups are we don't know what to do with ourselves. It's because we were so focused on someone else, and they are no longer part of our lives.
So, to make the process of getting over someone easier, you should learn to focus on yourself a little more. This means having proper self-care and learning to enjoy yourself without this person in your life.
You can fill your day with fun activities that take your focus off the pain of the breakup to heal faster.9
9. Don't Stalk
Social media is a stalker's wet dream, and even the most innocent of us can get sucked into this terrible habit because it's so easy to see what someone is up to by looking at their Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts.
While this might make you feel like you have things under control and alleviate the anxiety that comes from obsessively thinking about someone endlessly, it is one of the worst things you can do. When you stalk someone, you will find it impossible to move on.
So, as you wonder how to get over someone, make sure you resist the temptation to track the person and find out what is going on in their lives. They have their own lives to live, and you should too.
10. Acknowledge The Good Things About The Relationship
It's very tempting not to acknowledge that anything good came out of the relationship you had with your partner after it's over. While it helps you feel better, it is also unhealthy in that it does not help you get over the person.
So, look back at the relationship you had, and see all the good things you know about it.
Think about how happy you were or how perfect you thought your partner was.
Then slowly accept that nobody is perfect and that there is always a chance to make things better.
As Marilyn Monroe said, sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. So, even though you can agree that you had a good relationship, it does not mean it will be the best you ever had.
Remain hopeful that you will have a better relationship in the future, even though what you had was still pretty good.
And while on this positive train of thought, I am sure you will realize just how good your life can be.
Know this: whatever change comes into your life, it can cause a positive change, no matter how negative it seems. As they say, every cloud has a silver lining.
This person may no longer be in your life, and although they might have been immensely beneficial to you, there are things they obviously kept you from achieving. Focus on that.
11. Get Rid Of Any Reminders Of The Relationship To Move On Easily
Having ties to the person you have broken up with will make it that much harder to get over them. If your house is full of reminders of the relationship you had with the person, then you will find it harder to forget them and the pain you suffered after the breakup.
So, you can pack up everything that reminds you of them and keep it away, at least until you have moved on. You can also return their things to them.
However, you should not throw away things out of anger. That might come with regrets when you later realize you threw away something you should have held on to.
12. Get Out Of The House
Rather than stay in your house feeling sorry for yourself all day, you can leave your house and have some fun. You can take a trip or even go on an adventure.
This will make you find other things to occupy your mind besides the sadness. Exciting new activities can also relieve stress and help you move on a lot more easily.
13. Learn How To Get Over Someone By Treating Yourself
Even though someone you care about cannot be in your life as you might have wanted, it does not mean you are not special. And there is no better way to remind yourself of this than by treating yourself.
Get your favorite snack, or buy yourself a fancy gadget you have always wanted to own. This will lift your spirits and you will feel less miserable.
But as you do this, be careful not to go overboard and get into destructive habits such as excessive and wanton spending or substance abuse. The idea is to make yourself feel better in a healthy way.
This is not a recommendation to try to bury your pain beneath material things or leisure activities. The idea is to make yourself feel better in a healthy way.
14. Listen To Music
Music can heal, and it can help you get in touch with your emotions so you can deal with them. And this does not mean you should force yourself to listen to uplifting music.
As a matter of fact, listening to sad music when you are feeling sad is actually healthy, and it helps you deal with the pain you feel much more quickly. As we have already seen, one of the tricks to getting over someone is to let the pain come out.
Music makes this process much easier and faster.
Sad music is relatable at these times, and it makes you feel that someone understands or shares your pain. Science has shown that music can be very therapeutic, and it is also great at reducing stress.
In other words, don't be afraid to sing along and cry along to your favorite breakup songs. They might make you feel worse at the time, but they will make you heal faster.
15. Get Closure To Completely Move On
If you didn't get a chance to understand why things ended between you and your partner, then getting closure might do you a world of good. Questions about why it never worked out can keep you from getting over the pain.
It does not matter if you broke up with them or they broke up with you. As long as you have unanswered questions, getting them addressed can help you accept the sad reality you suffered so you can move on.
So, find a reason for your breakup if you so desperately need one.
As you can see, if you were wondering how to get over someone in an effective manner, there are simple ways to do it right. It's never easy moving on after the end of a valuable relationship, but with the right tips, you can do it.