Are you aware of the importance of forgiving and not resenting others? But when it hurts, you know it's still hard to let go, so how to forgive and forget when it seems impossible?
Life is not always logical and fair. Accepting this fact is one of the most challenging and most important lessons you must learn if you want to have a happy life filled and sleep peacefully.
We all like to quote spiritual gurus and surround ourselves with motivational messages when we look at all of life's challenges from a distance. But when we are their main actors, it is not always easy to apply all those wise words, step up and let go of our hurt. In reality, the gap between the decision to forgive and the final forgiveness is sometimes impossible and, above all, painful.
How To Forgive And Where Is The Justice In Forgiveness?
No wonder that your inner fighter for justice finds the advice "let go" or "forgive" the hardest. This is because when someone hurts you, letting go of the battle and trying to understand how to forgive seems like a betrayal of yourselves and all your values.
You want the person to be aware of how wrong their actions were, how much they hurt you, and you usually want to see through actions that the person understood and sincerely repented.
Most often, you think that forgiveness means releasing the other person's guilt and downplaying the importance of the pain they have inflicted on us. If you can "just get over it," does that mean you don't respect yourself? It depends on what you mean by "getting over it." It can mean making it clear to the person what they specifically did wrong, how they hurt you, and what they can do to make you feel better.
But, of their answer to those questions, you need to re-examine what you can do so that such things do not happen in the future, and in that case, you do not betray yourself but the opposite - you build healthier and firmer boundaries.
Is It OK To Fake Forgiveness?
Often, out of fear of losing the people you care about, you decide to go over everything lightly and say you forgive. Still, in reality, you accumulate disappointment, sadness, and anger within you. No matter how hard you try to hide them, these feelings spread through your bloodstream as you smile and pretend everything is fine.
It is not fair or just on your part to say that you have forgiven when you have not because you are equally hurting the other side with the false feeling that your relationship can continue unhindered. We all know when the sense of injustice pervades our body in the desire to signal to us that something is wrong, and this can be a permanent poison in us that will make us physically or mentally ill over time.
So let go of resentment and anger. They are a bottle of poison that you drink yourself, hoping that the other person will get sick. You will become resentful, and the person who did you an injustice will continue their life with a smile on their face. Where is the justice you are looking for? Anger prevents our healing, learning of life lessons, and further growth.
How To Forgive Yourself And Others? Is There A Difference?
Because forgiveness means giving up some unfulfilled desires - to forgive means to give up what you expected to receive but did not (for example, love, respect, understanding, etc.). As long as you continue to demand to obtain something that you will not receive stubbornly, you will be angry and will not be able to forgive.
Forgiveness means accepting a reality you don't like - to forgive means to take the bitter truth that life and people are often not to your liking. Nowhere does it say that everything in life goes smoothly and that everyone can like you. Nowhere does it say that you must suffer if someone does not love, appreciate or respect you. This also applies to your loved ones.
Forgiveness means giving up personal pride, vanity. Vanity is the biggest obstacle to forgiveness. Vanity interferes with the process of forgiveness because you want to blame another person for the pain, or worse. You expect them to confess their sins, change, repent, and apologize. If you're going to forgive, stop blaming others for their actions and stop demanding that they change or apologize because that will most likely never happen.
Forgiveness implies an awareness of personal responsibility - consider your role and responsibility in an event or relationship. Ask yourself how you contributed to that relationship. Be self-critical but forgive yourself for mistakes because no one is perfect, and everyone learns from experience. As long as you learn from your mistakes, you are on the right track. When you stop doing that, then you become rigid, angry, and vain.
Knowing how to forgive means giving up anger - and hurt. No one has power over you, and no one can humiliate, break or make you suffer without your permission and active participation. Others may challenge you. They work against your interests, but only you can create suffering for yourself. When you realize this, you will easily forgive anyone because you will know that you are making all the suffering for yourself. What creates suffering for you is not that others and the world are as they are, but the problem is that you insist that they must be in accordance with your tastes, interests, and desires.
What Does It Mean To Forgive Yourself Or Others?
Stop being angry at yourself and others
Give up the requirement to oneself or others that you must have something you cannot get
Accept the reality as it really is
Understand that whatever you don't get from someone you can move on, because you never needed it in the first place
What Do You Gain When You Learn How To Forgive And Forget
Relief and inner peace
Putting an end to one segment of life that has ended
Directing energy to something constructive
Progress in maturity and personal development
How To Forgive And Set Yourself Free
Imagine that the person is standing in front of you (if you forgive yourself, imagine yourself)
Become aware of all the feelings and pain you feel when you think about your experience with that person (you can imagine a situation with that person in which you felt hurt, angry, etc.)
Do not resist the experience you feel in the present moment, accept any feeling or thoughts that arise spontaneously, do not judge those feelings and thoughts just feel them, state and let them come and go freely
Look at that person and tell them: I forgive you for everything that happened because I created all the pain I feel for myself. I accept this pain and I don't want to create it anymore. I forgive you because I know you have no power over me.
Look at the person and tell them: I don't need anything from you, I used to think I did but now I know I don't, you don't have to do anything for me (if you had a specific request, for example a request that person love you, tell them you don't need it anymore)
Look at that person and say: Thank you for everything I have learned from this experience with you because it makes me wiser and more experienced, I know myself better now than before
Look at that person again and feel what is happening inside you, do you have a reaction, do you have a negative feeling or thought. If you have, do not suppress that feeling or thought, but accept it and say to yourself: Although I feel / think X (negative feeling or thought) I forgive myself, you and I love and accept myself completely. Inhale and exhale and think again about the person and the situation from the beginning.
Repeat this process until a feeling of inner peace arises. When you are able to look at that person and feel inner peace, you will know that you are learning how to forgive and forget.
Forgiveness Is The Way, Not The Final Verdict
To forgive means to give up hope that the past will be different. What happened is done, and we need to stop questioning what it would be like if things had unraveled differently. Stop accusing, blaming, and dismissing everything that happened to you. Leave the painful event in the past, let the dust settle, and accept that things will never be as they were.
Forgiving also means choosing not to spend the rest of your life in bitter memory and fear that the pain will recur. It means to step boldly into your future, proudly carrying your scars and the knowledge they have brought you. By forgiving, you do not lose power but take it back.
Knowing how to forgive does not mean acknowledging defeat and supporting injustice. If with that forgiveness you choose to take responsibility, not for the damage done, but for the sake of inner peace. Justice is to continue your life by learning to set better boundaries so that you are not hurt in the future, and that is the only justice you can influence and with which you will be truly happy in the long run.