There are a couple of ways this article could go. One option will see me gratuitously talk about past relationships and all the things that worked and all the things that didn't. Another route is that I enact a rather lengthy discourse on emotional wish fulfillment of things I wish they'd done.
Well, I'm going to give you both.
It's your lucky day, guys – I'm about to tell you how you get your girl. And girls – this can only be good news for us too.
Gone are the days where it's appropriate for you to just send a drunken message at 3 am asking 'U up'. You don't even include the question mark! It's 2019, guys, let's punctuate our messages appropriately!!!
Okay, grammar lesson over – time for the love lesson…
The first rule of love? Brace yourself now, I'm about to blow your mind.
I know, I know. It's pure cheese, but if it couldn't be embroidered on your grandma's tasteful throw pillow, is it really love advice? Answer: no.
But seriously, the more you feel like you can't be yourself, the less you can be your confident self. Honestly, confidence is gold dust in relationships and courtship rituals, and you risk compromising that by creating a new personality.
It's so important to communicate this confidence and your willingness to prioritise the object of your affection. Make sure you send that 'good morning' text. Follow it up with a 'night x' message in the evening if you are so inclined. Whip out an affectionate 'xx' suffix to a couple of your messages to hint at your playful and fun-loving side. Don't be afraid to make the first move. We always struggle with whether we want chivalry or not but the truth is it's always nice to be treated well, spoiled, or at least have the option of knowing it is being offered to us.
Then, make sure you guys establish common interests.
Swap books that you love, or recommend or buy a new book that you think they will love. Leave it on their nightstand and don't make a huge deal out of it. This shows you making an effort and wanting to share hobbies. You can tell so much about a person by their bookshelf. Maybe even suggest going in together on a bookshelf!
Then share music tastes, offer to show her your favourite artists. That's fun in both respects. One, you both become more well-rounded individuals and expand your music choices. Secondly, you can see why they like the song, and discover more about what makes them tick, and see why they are who they are. When you're invested in someone, there's nothing better than bonding with them. Getting to know them when vulnerable.
Make sure that she isn't the one always making the plans.
You don't want to come across as passive or lazy, so it's all about making the effort. Just as much as she has to fling herself into short skirts and make-up and killer heels to look and feel good, you too need to prove willing. Why don't you suggest something more interesting than just popping to the pub with an hour's notice? Why not go full-hog and book out a nice restaurant out of town that you can both make an evening of it? While you're at it, ask about her friends, family, and hobbies.
The more you are interested in her, the more she will become interesting, and the more you will want to listen to her talk. That's always a great sign that people are looking for in a partner – being a good listener. You don't just want someone constantly dumping their stresses on you – you aren't their therapist. However, you need to be available and open for them to confide in you. If they don't trust you or feel comfortable getting vulnerable or intimate with you, I wouldn't predict there being much chance of you getting intimate in other ways later on.
A casual touch here and there doesn't go amiss either.
Read the signals and if she's into you, she will often go in for a thigh touch or on your shoulders. Feel free to reciprocate with a hand on her wait or let your hands linger as you pass her a drink. Always stand up when she does and offer her her coat when you're leaving somewhere. Or, better yet – offer her your coat! That's always the dream. It demonstrates your willingness to keep her cozy even at the expense of your own warmth and comfort, in this small way.
It's these affectionate gestures that are rooted in what she needs and you anticipating what she wants without her always having to pester you for it. You should want to do these things for her so that the relationship is equal and based on a balanced understanding of each other and what you want out of the relationship.
More still, it's essential to ensure an open dialogue at all times. Be it about the relationship itself, or personal issues you might be going through, or things that you don't want to hide from each other. Once you air these you can share in them and move on together, rather than stressing each other out or starting a relationship founded on lies. Furthermore, make sure you are generally smart and clean, and well-put-together when you see her. You can't help it if you see each other in town running errands in hoodies, but prove that she's worth the effort to dress up a little.
Prove to her that your dates are meaningful and valued in the way you present yourself.
Whip in some compliments too, when you can see that she's made an effort to impress you. If you notice it, say something! Her hair, clothes or shoes… even her body – so long as you are respectful and above all else, when you compliment anyone, the golden rule… Mean what you say! Don't just say things for the sake of saying them, or say things that you think she wants to hear. Stick to your instincts and you'll be grand.