As the saying goes, we often fail to appreciate what we have until it's gone. This is particularly true in the context of relationships. It's likely that you've experienced a situation where you were very content with a certain guy for a period of time, until he chose to depart in search of something supposedly better. Eventually, when he realized that he had lost something special, he came back to you, hoping to reconcile. In this scenario, what should you do?
1. Stop and think about what you want
Before anything else, it's crucial to pause and reflect on whether you want to reconcile with this guy. Ask yourself if the harm he caused was too severe to consider reuniting, or if your affection for him is strong enough to forgive his mistakes and progress with him. Honesty with yourself is critical.
if you want him back...
1. Make him prove that he wants things to be serious this time
How often have you witnessed or experienced the pattern of swiftly accepting a guy back into one's life, only for it to terminate poorly once more? Who desires to be in an unstable, on-again-off-again connection that others disapprove of? Certainly not me. That appears to be too much unnecessary tension. Does the guy acknowledge his errors and is he prepared to confront the fact that he caused you harm and cannot repeat his mistakes? If he appears genuinely committed, take that into account while deciding.
2. Make sure he's back for the right reasons
Did the guy go out and hook up with multiple girls after your breakup, only to come back to you once he realized how unpleasant the dating scene can be? That behavior is unacceptable, and you should think extensively before considering reconciliation. He sees you as a safe alternative because he knows you care for him, which renders you more susceptible.
3. Don't — please don't! — have sex with him the first day you guys start talking again
Have you ever watched a film where a couple argues, then reunites and engages in a passionate lovemaking scene? Sure, that might be appropriate in the movies, but this is reality, and things don't typically work out like they do on the big screen. If you submit to his sexual advances before establishing new limits, you're likely to find it difficult to maintain a stable relationship with him beyond occasional hookups at his convenience.
4. Test him
Inform him that you deserve better and express uncertainty regarding your ability to forgive him for his past misdeeds. Don't make it simple for him to win you back since, frankly, you merit someone who will fight for you and not quit when things become difficult. Furthermore, presenting him with a slight challenge will only enhance his admiration for you and make him aware that winning you back won't be a cakewalk if he decides to abandon you once more.
if you don't want him back...
1. Be the bigger person
Even if you don't want to reconcile with him, don't be rude, it shows a great deal of maturity if you're the bigger person. Be kind and avoid any childish behavior, even if he caused you unspeakable harm and hurt you beyond measure. You don't want him spreading rumors about your immaturity to others.
2. Don't play games with him. Make a solid decision
When ending a relationship, sometimes you need to make a firm decision and stand your ground. While maintaining a mature and calm demeanor, avoid giving mixed signals like telling him you need time to think or suggesting taking a break if you're sure you want nothing to do with him. If you're comfortable with the idea, tell him you can be friends, but need some time before that's possible. In one of my previous relationships, which ended poorly, I initially had no desire to remain in contact with my ex. However, I told him we could be friends down the road, and surprisingly, we became good friends after two years. It can take time to understand your emotions, and in my case, I realized that we were better off as friends.
3. If all else fails, you may have to just block him
While not the most mature approach, sometimes blocking a guy is necessary when they won't respect your boundaries. If necessary, block them from all forms of contact, including social media and phone calls. In extreme cases where you feel unsafe, a restraining order may be necessary.
4. If he really loves you, he'll be happy with any decision you make as long as it makes you happy
It's important to see how a guy reacts to your decision to end the relationship, as it can reveal his true character. If he acts crazy, rude, or inconsiderate, it's a sign that he's likely just upset about having to re-enter the dating world. On the other hand, if he handles the breakup with grace and maturity, it's a good indicator that you could potentially remain friends in the future.
5. Make sure you're happy with your decision before you completely commit
Take ample time to reflect on your decision before communicating it to your ex, regardless of whether you choose to reconcile or move on. Changing your mind after your ex has invested in the reconciliation process can be unfair and hurtful. It's crucial to avoid playing with someone's emotions, even if they have done so to you in the past.
