In an ideal scenario, meeting your boyfriend's mother would be a positive experience on a beautiful sunny day, with approval and celebration. However, some mothers may be critical of their son's partners. Even if you try to make amends, the mother may remain judgmental and difficult to communicate with. Coping with this can be challenging, but there are ways to manage the situation.
1. Reflect on why she hates you
Do you have a habit of using profanity or dressing inappropriately? If not, and you can't identify a specific reason for your boyfriend's mother's disdain towards you, it may simply be because you are her son's girlfriend. It's not necessarily a reflection of you personally, as many mothers may be protective and possessive of their sons. Don't let this dynamic bring you down.
2. Never instigate fights
If you are aware of what triggers negative reactions from his mother, avoid those topics or actions. It may be tempting to provoke her, but it's not worth it. This behavior can cause your boyfriend distress, as he probably wants a positive relationship between you and his mother. Constant conflict puts him in a difficult position, so try to avoid putting him in that situation.
3. Avoid family gatherings
Attending family gatherings is not mandatory and it's okay to skip them if your boyfriend's mother makes the event uncomfortable for you. It can be even worse if she has influenced other family members to take her side, leaving you feeling unwelcome. It's best to avoid these situations and also not invite your boyfriend's mother to any gatherings with your own family.
4. Don't badmouth her to her son
Despite any negative feelings you may have towards your boyfriend's mother, she is still his parent. He may be aware of her challenging behavior and understand your difficulties getting along with her, but it is not fair to constantly speak negatively about her to him. It is okay to have a conversation about the situation, but making constant derogatory comments about her will likely become a source of tension in your relationship.
5. Stand up for yourself when necessary
It's not always easy to confront conflict head-on, but it's important to stand up for yourself if your boyfriend's mother is treating you disrespectfully. If she feels comfortable insulting you, assert your boundaries and make it clear that you will not tolerate such behavior. It's important to remember that if she can't handle your strength and assertiveness, that is her issue and not yours.
6. Don't constantly ask your boyfriend to stand up for you
If his mother's behavior is problematic, it's likely that your boyfriend has already addressed it with her. However, you should avoid nagging him about her attitude towards you. It's great if he can advocate for you and set boundaries with his mother, but it shouldn't become a constant source of stress for him. Remember that you are capable of standing up for yourself, and while you may not be able to change his mother's feelings towards you, you can work together with your boyfriend to address any disrespectful behavior.
7. If marriage is a possibility, think long and hard about it
When you marry your boyfriend, you become a part of his family and will likely have to interact with his mother for the duration of your marriage. If you had difficulty getting along with her before, it's unlikely that this will change. This can put a lot of stress on the entire family, including your own. If you are not prepared or willing to deal with this dynamic, it may be wise to reconsider marriage. It's important to be mindful of the potential challenges and not let the relationship with a difficult mother-in-law negatively affect your own.