If you desire romance in your relationship and are searching for your own version of Prince Charming, you may be disappointed if you end up with a partner who is not naturally romantic. This does not necessarily mean that the relationship cannot be successful, but it does mean that you may need to put in extra effort to find happiness in the relationship. If your boyfriend lacks romantic inclinations, there may be various reasons for this and there are ways to manage the situation.
Why You Have An Unromantic Boyfriend
1. Most Guys Aren't Raised To Be Demonstrative With Their Feelings
It may not be his fault that he is not inclined to make grand, romantic gestures or declarations of undying love, as this may not be how he was raised. According to dating coach Evan Marc Katz, "Lots of … guys didn't get that memo. It doesn't mean they're bad. It doesn't mean they're cheap. It doesn't mean they're selfish. It just means that the grand romantic gesture is not a part of their love language. They don't want people making a big fuss about their birthdays and they don't want to make a big fuss about yours."
2. Just Because Women Want Romance Doesn't Mean Men Do
It is common for men to view love and relationships differently than women, and as a result, romance may not come naturally to them. This does not mean that your unromantic partner should expect you to simply accept this, but it also may not be fair to expect them to change their entire personality to meet your desires. It is important to find a balance and communicate openly about your needs and desires in the relationship.
3. He's Afraid To Be Vulnerable
Showing romance often involves being vulnerable and expressing affection in a sweet or sentimental way. Men may be hesitant to do this, as they may have been taught that displaying emotions is not traditionally masculine. However, if they feel safe and secure in the relationship and are with someone who is supportive and loving, it may become easier for them to express romance. This is especially true if the couple has been together for a long time.
4. He's Losing Romantic Interest
Although it is not a common reason, it is possible that your unromantic partner's behavior is a result of the relationship transitioning from being passionate to becoming more comfortable and platonic. Relationship expert Alison Blackman, editor-in-chief of Advice Sisters, states that "true lovers are also friends. It's difficult, maybe impossible to keep sexual excitement at the same fevered pitch it might have been at the very start of a relationship. But if there are no shared moments, no shared interests, and no physical touching at all, the relationship has changed course."
What You Can Do About It
1. Be Honest About What You Want
Your partner cannot read your mind and may not be aware that you desire romantic gestures such as candlelit dinners or surprise flowers. It is important to communicate your needs and desires to them so that they know how to fulfill them. This may help them to be more thoughtful and considerate in the relationship.
2. Don't Nag Or Guilt Him Into It
If your partner is not naturally romantic, it does not necessarily mean that they do not care about you or that they cannot become more open to romance. However, nagging or constantly criticizing them for their lack of romantic gestures is not likely to be effective. It may cause them to tune you out or even resent you, which will not improve the situation. It is important to find a healthy way to communicate your needs and desires in the relationship.
3. Never Compare Him To Your Ex Or Any Other, More Romantic Guy You Know
Comparing your partner to others can be harmful and may damage their ego. It sends the message that someone else is doing a better job at relationships, which can be a critical blow to their self-esteem. This is not a productive way to encourage your partner to be more romantic and may even have the opposite effect. It is important to focus on your own relationship and avoid comparing it to others.
4. Take The Initiative In Planning Romantic Surprises
Even if your partner is not naturally romantic, you can still show them the beauty of romance by being romantic yourself. Leading by example can inspire your partner to be more romantic and may help them to realize the value of expressing affection in this way.
5. Start Looking For It Where You Least Expect It
Engaging in activities that you both enjoy, such as going for a hike, attending a concert, or eating out, can help to strengthen your relationship. It is important to remember that romance can be found in many different forms and can be present in activities that may not seem traditionally romantic. What is most important is that you are spending quality time together and creating meaningful experiences as a couple.
6. Be Prepared To Compromise
If your partner is not naturally romantic, it is still important to make an effort to meet them halfway and show your support for their interests and passions. This could include attending sporting events or cheering them on while they play video games, even if these activities are not your personal preferences. By showing your willingness to participate in their hobbies and spend time with them, they may be more inclined to say yes when you request a romantic date or gesture. It is important to find a balance and compromise in the relationship.
7. Appreciate Even The Smallest Gesture
It may take some time for your partner to understand and fulfill your romantic needs, so it is important to be patient with them. Encourage them by expressing appreciation for their efforts, no matter how small, to let them know they are on the right track. Relationship expert James Preece advises, "When was the last time you paid your other half a compliment? Or, did something special for them as a surprise? If you get too comfortable, it's natural to feel unappreciated." It is important to make an effort to show appreciation and surprise your partner to keep the romance alive in the relationship.
8. Continue To Let Him Know How Much You Love Him
Regardless of whether your partner is naturally romantic or not, it is important to show them love and support. If they feel loved and appreciated by you, they may be more willing to put in extra effort to be romantic. Remember that ultimately, it is the small gestures and acts of kindness that can bring joy and happiness to the relationship.
9. Understand That He May Never Change
If the lack of romance in the relationship is a major concern for you and your partner is unwilling to make changes, it may be worth considering whether this is a deal breaker for you. While relationships involve much more than romantic gestures, it is important to have your needs and desires met in the relationship. If you feel that you need a higher level of romance and your current partner is not able to provide this, it may be necessary to consider other options. It is important to be honest with yourself and your partner about what you need in a relationship.
10. Ask Yourself If This Is A Dealbreaker
It is okay to end a relationship if a lack of romance is a deal breaker for you. It is important to be honest with yourself about what you need in a relationship and make sure that your needs are being met. While it may be difficult for some people to change certain traits, it is important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If you need romance in a relationship, it is okay to seek out a partner who is able to provide this. There is nothing wrong with wanting romance and it is possible to find a partner who will treat you with the love and affection you desire.
11. Witness How His Mom And Dad Interact
It is common for people to learn and model their behaviors based on their family and upbringing. If your partner's parents had a relationship that was not particularly romantic, it is possible that they view this as normal and may need guidance in expressing romance. If your partner tries to make you feel like you are being unreasonable or high maintenance for wanting more romance in the relationship, it is important to gently remind them that every relationship is different and that it is okay to have your own needs and desires. Do not let them make you feel guilty for wanting more romance.
12. Try And Identify The Other Ways He Shows Love
It is important to recognize and appreciate the small acts of love and kindness that your partner may show you, even if they are not traditionally romantic gestures. These can include practical actions such as making sure you have fresh towels or cooking breakfast for you, or simply being considerate of your needs and preferences. While these may not be as grand as a personalized poem or bouquet of flowers, they can still be meaningful and make you feel loved and appreciated.
13. Try Not To Make Yourself Feel Even Worse While Talking To Friends
It is normal to feel envious when you hear about your friends' romantic relationships, especially if your own partner is not as expressive. However, it is important to remember that relationships are built on much more than gestures and that the presence of grand romantic gestures does not necessarily make someone a better partner. It is important to focus on the strengths and positive aspects of your own relationship and not compare it to others.
14. Make Sure To Practice Self-care
It is not a partner's responsibility to constantly pamper and spoil you, and it is important to be able to take care of your own needs and well-being. While it is natural to want to be pampered and have your partner show affection through physical touch, it is not fair to have high expectations for them to constantly provide this without any effort on your part. If you have specific desires for physical affection or pampering, it is important to communicate this to your partner and find a way to make it happen together. It is important to be realistic about your partner's personality and capabilities and to not have unrealistic expectations.
15. Figure Out If This Affects Your Sex Life
Romance and sexual intimacy often go hand-in-hand in a relationship. If your partner is unromantic and the sexual experiences in the relationship are unfulfilling, it may be necessary to address this issue. Misaligned sexual desires can lead to resentment and may cause problems in the relationship. If your unromantic partner is not able to create a satisfying and intimate sexual experience, it may be necessary to have an open and honest conversation about this and find ways to improve the connection and satisfaction in the relationship.
16. Communicate About It Before It Turns Into A Fight
If the lack of romance in the relationship becomes a source of frustration or resentment, it is important to communicate your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly with your partner. While you may not be able to completely change your partner's personality or behavior, they may be willing to make an effort to incorporate more romantic gestures if they understand how important it is to you. It is important to have open and honest communication in the relationship to address any issues or concerns that may arise.
17. Remember Why You Started Dating Him In The First Place
It is important to remember that no one is perfect and that everyone has their own unique strengths and qualities. If your partner is not naturally romantic but has other positive attributes that make you happy and fulfilled in the relationship, it may not be a deal breaker. It is important to focus on the things that set your partner apart and make them special to you. An unromantic partner is not necessarily a problem and it is possible to find joy and fulfillment in the relationship despite this trait.