Published in Dec 2018 / Updated in Aug 2021
At 27 I have definitely decided it is time that I get myself together. For those of you reading this, you have now enrolled in the course “How to catch him and keep him”. This is the first unit of your studies but let me tell you this, what you are going to read will go against the grain. I have spoken to so many specialists over the last few weeks and especially in the last week who have helped me to put together this first article.
I once read a “book” on how to get him to stay and I followed it to the letter…the only problem was that it worked! I caught him, but in the end, I didn’t want him because he hadn’t fallen for me, he had fallen for the person that I had to become just to get him to pay me the tiniest bit of attention in the beginning. In the end, I was the person in the relationship dying to get away from him.
If you were to look at my dating history as the results of a final exam…I would have more than failed. I would have flunked out of college and moved into my parent’s basement. I am definitely not a dating expert. I have been called the modern-day Carrie Bradshaw just looking for her Mr. Big and although I have not been dumped by a post-it note, I have been dumped by a guy by reading my messages and then blocking me for NO reason…ahh how the times have changed. I think I would have preferred the post, to be honest.
Anyway to get back to what I am trying to say, spending another Christmas without a partner and coming up to another New Years’ Eve without a meaningful kiss has made me realize that I want to start changing a lot of things in my life. One of my doctors is the best person to chat with, she and I have so much in common and we giggle and laugh like college school girls every time we see each other (I had a car accident earlier this year so I have regular appointments with 2 different doctors) and one of the things that our last session taught me was that I needed to smile, not just the muscles that make my lips change shape…but smile from my heart. Easier said than done.
What I realized was that the mistakes and failures are exactly what needed to happen to be able to let me see what it was that I have been doing wrong. I’m not saying that it is all my fault when a relationship fails but there are more than a few times I have sabotaged something for a reason I don’t understand.
Daily I am making changes now to pinpoint the root issues that cause me to make these mistakes. Each time my heart was broken I learned a new set of heartache, insecurity, escapism, jealousy, paranoia, fear, and everything else that happens when you’re just trying to find the right person for you.
So why write about it?
Well, I’m not sitting here preparing to write about how bad men are or how to manipulate them. I want to go on a journey with all of those women who are REALLY ready to give it a shot out there. To say no to the same mistakes that appear in front of you ready to be taken up again and say yes to the things that scare you.
I am going to start writing this a minimum of weekly with the help of a doctor/psychologist, a successful male friend of mine, and of course, my own anxiety-ridden experiences…but what I am also going to be doing is not just talking the talk…I will be walking the walk. I have met someone who I really want to conquer my fears for and because of that, I am ready for 2019 to unleash a completely different me.
With the help of these people, I hope to help women and even men out there understand the opposite sex, learn to not be jaded, angry, or defensive but to connect with someone you’re interested in. I am slowly learning that most of my fears are just walls and illusions and it is time to stop the pity party and have the relationship that I deserve…just as you do.
Let’s start 2019 by fixing our relationships with ourselves…and learning that it’s okay to find happiness even when we don’t think we deserve it.