TalkPublished in June 2020 / Updated in December 2020
You just want to find an attractive person and have a good time. Or maybe you are hoping to find your forever person. Perhaps you think an app will give you better luck in the dating department because you don’t have to swipe left or right in real life and thus can’t hurt anyone. Or you’re bored and are tired of your family going on and on about your social and dating life. So you caved and made a profile on Tinder.
Watch Out For Tinder Narcissists
First of all, congratulations! At least you’ve taken a step toward what you want. Secondly, buyer beware. People on the screen have a high chance of being totally disappointing and the worst experience of your life. Swiping left or right is all fun and games until you fall for a narcissist, and then it’s a hell ride – literally.
Now, you may think you know when to swipe left. Maybe you even think, “It’s not that serious. I can just leave a bad date.” But that is the danger of narcissists; they hook you and reel you in only to leave you dehydrated, gasping for breath on a hot deck in the summer. The imagery may be excessive, but I hope it catches your attention.
Before we get into the things to avoid, let us look at the markings of a narcissist or narcissistic personality.
Who Are Narcissists?
Narcissists are simply people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This is a disorder in which a person has an inflated sense of self-importance. They think they are a huge deal. This personality disorder is most common in men, but don’t think that women can’t have it.
How Do You Know If Someone Is A Narcissist?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is usually diagnosed by a professional, but here are some signs and symptoms that you should watch out for:
A sense of self-importance or grandiosity
Manipulative tendencies to get their way
A sense of entitlement and believing that the world owes them something or everything because they ‘deserve’ it.
Inability to be compassionate toward others
Continual lack of empathy and the ability to emotionally connect with other human beings
Elaborate fantasies about being influential, famous, or important.
Consistent exaggeration of their abilities, accomplishments, and talents
A constant craving for admiration and acknowledgment
An obsession with beauty, love, power, or success
An obsession with perfection and a need to be validated as perfect
An exaggerated sense of being unique or having unique qualities
Exploiting others to get what they want and being negatively opportunistic to get to the top with no guilt or shame
Frequently bullies and belittles others, especially in an attempt to make themselves look even grander.
Always playing victim, especially when called out on their toxic traits or bad behaviors.
Why Narcissists Are Bad Dates:
If the above list didn’t give you bad shivers, here is a list of why you should never date a narcissist and why you should leave that first date when you see the above signs:
You will always be wrong because they cannot stand it if they are not right.
You have to be on cheerleader duty every day because they need the validation.
You have to dim your light. You cannot be the smartest, prettiest, richest, or basically anything better than them because they will hate you.
You will be emotionally manipulated and even abused into doing things you don’t want to do.
They can never empathize with you or your experiences.
You will only talk about them.
You will always be the perpetrator as they are always the victim and cannot take responsibility for any wrongdoing.
They will cheat because they cannot emotionally connect to anyone and are constantly looking for an ‘upgrade.’
How To Avoid Narcissists on Tinder:
The best way to avoid a Tinder date with a narcissist is a little sleuthing.
1. Check their profile and any other linked social media to see if there is:
A barrage of positive self-statements that are out to prove supremacy over others
Constant selfies or pictures of their bodies
Degradation, or even ‘joking,’ negative criticism of others. (For example: “Only dumb people don’t do cross-fit.”)
Constant posts that show their perceived intellectual superiority over everyone else.
Name dropping famous or influential people in their bio or their posts.
Immediate demands on what they want without offering what they can give, like “I only want a 6’4 guy who drives a BMW because I’m a queen.”
2. Maybe you have already swiped right and are currently chatting via Direct Message, here are some other things to look out for:
Demands for loyalty and undying affection. You haven’t even had a date. This is crazy.
Insults and put-downs that are disguised as jokes
Need for validation on how good they are and how good they look
They only discuss themselves and what they want, even if you haven’t said anything about yourself other than your name.
Telling you how much of a catch they are and how lucky you are that they swiped right on you.
They ask you for likes, retweets, or shares on their social media posts.
Use of sexual language and constant innuendo
Excessively charming, especially to hide their flaws or prevent you from digging deeper.
They are arrogant and haughty.
If you have encountered any of these signs, run far away. Narcissists tend to pull you in and keep you revolving around them like a planet to the sun. Protecting yourself is paramount in the dating world. Even if you are just out to have fun, please ensure you guard yourself against narcissists and their emotionally abusive ways. Stay safe, and have fun.