Are you attracted to your closest male friend but believe he's not suitable for a romantic relationship? For instance, perhaps you have differing political or religious beliefs, or you're simply not ready to date. In this scenario, a friends-with-benefits arrangement can be very fulfilling and a lot of fun.
But does your guy friend reciprocate your feelings and view you in a sexual manner? Would an FWB dynamic work well with him, and does he find you attractive? Equally important, how do you raise the subject if he's shy or slow to pick up on your hints? To achieve your desired outcome, you need to take the initiative and be proactive.
HOW TO ASK A GUY TO BE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS (FWB)
Sometimes, the easiest way to pursue a friends-with-benefits relationship with your guy friend is to be straightforward and direct with him. This approach can simplify the process and make it easier to have a good time together. However, if you're not sure about his feelings, you may prefer a more subtle approach. There's no need to worry, there are various methods you can use to achieve your goal, which will be discussed in the following steps.
Be Straight Forward About It
If you're confident in your relationship with your guy friend and believe he'd be open to a friends-with-benefits arrangement, you can simply ask him directly. Guys often appreciate a woman who takes the lead and makes her intentions clear, especially if she's honest about the FWB setup. Schedule a face-to-face meeting or text him and use one of these questions to gauge his interest in your proposal:
- Would you like to engage in a friends-with-benefits arrangement? I find you attractive, but I'm not looking for a romantic relationship right now.
- Have you ever been in a friends-with-benefits situation before? I have, and I'd like to be with you, but I want to do it properly.
- Would you be interested in hooking up as friends? I need some casual, no-strings-attached sex, and I trust you.
- Is the possibility of a friends-with-benefits arrangement between us something you'd be open to?
- We've been friends for a while now, and I believe that a friends-with-benefits situation would be fun.
Some guys will welcome your honesty and be happy to engage in a friends-with-benefits arrangement with you, while others may be taken aback or need time to consider it. Don't pressure someone into this setup, but allow them to approach it at their own pace. This will make it easier for them to feel comfortable and prevent any potentially awkward situations from ruining the friendship.
Be Extremely Flirty
Men can sometimes be slow to pick up on signals, and may require clear indications that you want a friends-with-benefits relationship. If you've been flirting or have a playful and sincere friendship, you can escalate things by intensifying your flirting. This goes beyond simply asking them and almost compels them to take your request for an FWB arrangement seriously. Some ways to do this include:
- Sharing your preferred sexual position and asking for theirs.
- Complimenting them on their appearance, for example, "You look so hot in those jeans right now."
- Expressing that something about them has recently been arousing to you.
- Asking if they've had a sexual experience with an attractive person like yourself.
- Being candid and openly expressing your desire to have sex with them at the moment.
When you flirt in such an overt manner, even the densest guy should respond. Before any physical contact, bring up the FWB arrangement and ask for their consent. Clearly state what you want, get their input on their desires, and maintain open communication to minimize any misunderstandings.
Talk Openly About Your Sexual Needs
To initiate a friends-with-benefits relationship, you can bring up your sexual desires and preferences in conversation with the guy. This will not only help you flirt with him in a subtle manner, but also let him know if you're a good match for him sexually. It's important to keep in mind that not all guys may have the same libido or interests as you, so try using these questions or statements as a starting point:
- What's your typical frequency of sexual activities? I've been feeling a bit deprived lately.
- I'm really in the mood for some physical intimacy right now, especially with someone I can trust. Are you available?
- For me, it's difficult to go without sex for a month or more. How do you feel about that?
- I've been feeling increasingly aroused when we hang out lately. Would you like to do something about it?
- May I share a secret with you about the most unusual place I've ever had sex?
After bringing up your sexual needs, observe how he responds. If he opens up about himself and seems flirty with you, consider bringing up the idea of an FWB relationship. Many guys will likely seize this opportunity, especially if they find you attractive. As always, make sure to establish clear rules and guidelines before starting an FWB relationship.
WHAT DOES FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS MEAN TO A GUY?
A friends-with-benefits arrangement can have various interpretations for different men. The ideal FWB partner is someone who comprehends the nature of the arrangement and recognizes what both parties desire. In other words, he's fine with infrequent hookups and doesn't require constant validation of his attractiveness. He may have other FWB relationships (just as you may), and he manages them effectively, without excessive emotional involvement. These men view an FWB situation as:
- A fun opportunity to engage in casual sex with an attractive friend
- A distinct way to get to know someone they enjoy on a personal level
- An excellent outlet for sexual gratification during periods of singlehood
- Another accomplishment in their sexual experiences (something to boast about to their friends)
However, not every man perceives an FWB relationship in the same way. Some may unintentionally develop feelings for you or place more emphasis and emotions into the arrangement. This can lead them to believe you're in a romantic relationship or become emotionally attached. Some men are not suited for FWB scenarios and will eventually seek a romantic relationship. Here are a few indications that your guy is falling into this trap:
- Establishing a single FWB relationship with you and nobody else
- Sending you frequent texts to inquire about your wellbeing
- Expressing romantic interest or trying to set up dates between the two of you
- Becoming upset if you engage in a separate FWB relationship outside of him.
Don't feel embarrassed if you find yourself in this predicament, as many women before you have fallen into this same trap. The guy isn't doing anything inherently wrong, it's just that his emotions are not equipped to handle this type of arrangement. The best course of action is to have an open and honest conversation with him, clarifying the expectations of an FWB relationship. If he is unable to accept these terms, it may be necessary to end things promptly in order to preserve the friendship. When a guy is unable to accept the end of a hookup situation, it may be best for both parties to cut ties completely.
Always Do What Is Right For You
If the guy in your FWB relationship is not fulfilling your needs, such as developing feelings for you when you just want a casual hookup, it's time to exit the situation. What if you begin to have feelings for him? This can create a complex and challenging scenario, requiring a thorough examination of your FWB relationship and contemplation on whether you want to transition into dating.
While some couples have successfully transitioned from FWB to a committed relationship and found happiness, others may discover that they were "just friends" for a reason. It's important to have in-depth discussions and careful planning before attempting to turn your FWB into something more serious.