Men and women typically have divergent opinions on what is considered excessive texting. While there are always outliers, as a general rule, men tend to prefer fewer texts received and sent compared to women. If you are trying to determine the appropriate amount of texting for a guy, keep reading!
HOW MUCH TEXTING IS TOO MUCH FOR A GUY?
As previously noted, the majority of men are not as inclined to text as women. They tend to send short messages for practical purposes, such as checking in, confirming dinner plans, or saying goodnight. Men generally prefer brief texting exchanges and may lose interest in longer text conversations.
It is worth mentioning that a select few men enjoy prolonged, in-depth texting sessions with women. However, this is not the norm and the majority of men tend to prefer short and occasional texts. They appreciate knowing that they are on your mind, or may enjoy sharing film/music/book suggestions, but extended texting marathons are not typically their preferred mode of communication.
Likewise, the majority of men do not appreciate receiving texts while they are at work, school, or focused on personal activities. If you are aware that he has a set schedule, such as going to the gym from 7-8 and then working from 9-5, it is best to limit texting to once during those hours. You can send a text during lunchtime to check in, and if he responds, wait until after work hours to reply back.
However, if he initiates a text asking if you want to meet up after work, it is appropriate to respond promptly.
HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M TEXTING TOO MUCH?
Typically, a man's response will give you an indication. Observe his responses after you have been texting back and forth for some time. Just as with body language, the way a man responds to texts can provide valuable insight into his feelings. Here are some clear signs that you may be texting too much.
1. He's Offering One-Word Replies
Is he no longer replying with full sentences, or are his texts significantly shorter than yours? If you are getting only one-word answers or emojis every time you text him, it's a clear indication that he has had enough. He is making an effort to acknowledge your messages, but he may not have the energy or interest to respond with anything more than a minimal reply.
2. He Takes Ages to Reply
Is the time between responses getting longer? Similar to the previous indicator, if a man is feeling overwhelmed with texting, he may go for extended periods without checking or picking up his phone.
3. He's Letting the Conversation Drop
Is he elaborating on your texts and asking you questions, or simply making brief comments on what you have said? If you have been discussing a topic and he does not continue the conversation, it is a strong indication that he is either bored, tired, or that you are asking for too much of his attention.
4. He Never Texts You First
Do you initiate texting him first thing in the morning or do you alternate? Also, are you always the one who initiates the texts and then waits for his response? These are significant indicators that you are crossing boundaries and texting too much. If and when he wants to communicate with you, he will reach out. Allow him to make the first move and do not excessively text him.
5. You're Straight-Up Asked to Stop Texting So Much
Some individuals lack finesse in this aspect. While some might attempt to be polite, others may simply state that you are texting them excessively. If they express that they enjoy hearing from you but need to concentrate on work/school/themselves for a while, it's a polite way of saying you're overdoing it. On the other hand, if they tell you directly that your excessive texting appears demanding and needy, there's no confusion.
HOW OFTEN SHOULD YOU TEXT A GUY IN THE BEGINNING?
To show interest, a moderate amount of texting is appropriate. A few messages daily are acceptable, but excessive texting may come across as needy and overly attached. Many men enjoy the excitement of the chase and prefer to initiate contact instead of being chased. Excessive texting can create pressure and make them feel overwhelmed.
If he doesn't reach out to you in the morning, hold off on sending a greeting until noon at the earliest. When you do text, aim to send something engaging or intriguing instead of just a simple "hi."
Avoid following up on unanswered texts with inquiries such as "???," "I guess you're busy doing something else LOL," or similar expressions. This can convey impatience and insecurity. Neither of you exists solely for the other's convenience. If you text and he doesn't reply immediately, he is occupied with other matters. He has a life outside of texting, so be patient. He will respond when he feels like it, and is more likely to do so without feeling pressured.
GUYS' PERSPECTIVE ON TEXTING
The amount of texting considered too much may vary among men. For some, more than a few messages per hour can be overwhelming, while others may not mind.
We surveyed men aged 18 to 45 regarding their opinions on this subject. The majority preferred to receive only a limited number of texts daily. Younger men, aged 18 to 25, were more tolerant of frequent texting than older men. A small number of participants enjoyed prolonged text exchanges, with some introverts saying they preferred it to face-to-face intense conversations.
Interestingly, despite varying texting preferences, one common response from most men was that it all depends on the woman's level of attractiveness and skills.
"If she's attractive, passionate about her interests, and has much to offer, then I want to hear from her regularly."
In summary, if a man finds a woman both physically attractive and intellectually stimulating, she will have more flexibility regarding the frequency of texting.
HOW TO COME BACK FROM TEXTING TOO MUCH
There are two methods for this. One is more passive and subtle, while the other is more active and assertive. You can choose the approach that best fits your personality.
For those with a more reserved personality, simply take a break from texting him. Focus on your own interests, and let him initiate contact when he is ready. This subtly conveys that you are aware of overstepping and are trying not to be demanding or clingy, while respecting his personal space. However, there is a chance he may misinterpret your silence as disinterest, which depends on his personality.
If you prefer a more straightforward approach, you can openly communicate with him. Tell him something like, "I realized I've been texting you excessively. I'm going to cut back, so feel free to text me whenever." This clearly demonstrates your self-awareness and leaves no room for misinterpretation.
Taking a step back and giving each other space can help resolve relationship issues. It's better to give him some time and let him reach out to you, instead of pushing past personal boundaries.
WRAP UP
A good rule of thumb for determining a healthy texting frequency with a guy is to think about how often you'd like to receive texts from him, then divide that number in half. Try not to be the one constantly initiating the conversation, give him a chance to reach out to you. And resist the urge to constantly check your phone for his response. By doing this, you can maintain a balanced dynamic and avoid crossing any personal boundaries.
Adhere to the "three text" rule. After sending three messages without a reply, refrain from sending any more until he responds. If he wanted to text back, he would have by now.
Consider adopting the "less is more" approach when texting. Wait until you have something important to share or ask before sending a text. Your worthwhile messages will be more likely to engage him, compared to frequent updates or silly memes.
If he reacts positively, with excitement and interest, when you reach out to him via text, it's an indication that you're doing well.
