Men are more mysterious than even they know. You can easily tell when he is hungry or tired but having trouble telling if he loves you? Here are some facts and myths about how men fall in love.
Psychology Of How Men Fall In Love
The first thing you need to understand is that he sees the world a bit differently. Not Mars and Venus differently, but there is still some distinction.
More often than not he loves you for things that you barely notice. That's because men see everything in a different light. What may be extremely important to you doesn't matter to him and vice versa.
Of course, not all men are the same, and we can't really put them all under the same category. So what is the best way to find out how men fall in love?
That's exactly what I did: I went around asking the same question to every male friend in a committed relationship. Just to be clear, it's not that much about why he loves you, but about what made him fall in love in the first place.
We will look at some misconceptions and facts about what makes a man fall in love with a partner. The myths will come first because they are just so commonly mistaken for the actual truth about the male point of view.
The Myths Behind How Men Fall In Love
Where do myths about how men fall in love come from? There are many sources.
From songs and movies to actual people who are not genuine or emotionally ready to open up.
One thing that is absolutely true about these myths is that they have very little to do with reality. Yet, we all fall into wrong patterns trying to match those misconceptions.
Let's try to put an end to this by discussing the most common misbeliefs about why he loves you.
Myth # 1: He Loves You For Your Looks
Have you ever heard anyone say "Men fall in love with their eyes"? Well, this is not exactly true.
Yes, men do tend to pay attention to extra curvy body parts. This is the mechanism that was generously gifted by our ancestors. Logic is simple: you look good, so you are a suitable mate.
Would you call this love? Don't think so.
Physical attraction is how men become horny, not how they fall in love. Although it is true that the way you look might initially catch his attention, it won't become the main reason he loves you.
Beauty is also very subjective and men do not always agree on how pretty someone looks. So if you still think that seeing a hot body is how men fall in love, delete this misconception from your mind.
Myth # 2: Men Love Chasing
He's not a cheetah and you're not a gazelle. Simple as that.
It can be exciting to enjoy a nice run at first. But the more you play the role, the less interest he will have.
Except for the scenario when his initial goal is to have sex with you and move on. And even then, he might not chase for too long because there are so many available options around.
He loves you for being there, not for being his prize in the fictional race. Mutual interest and desire to get to know each other can be much more effective than leaving on read for days.
So, playing cat and mouse is absolutely not how men fall in love. If you find yourself currently involved in such a scenario, take a pause and take one step towards him. It'll do wonders, trust me.
Myth # 3: The Perfect Girlfriend
Remember the iconic "cool girl" monologue from Gone Girl? The gist of it is that every man has his own interpretation of an ideal girlfriend.
But there is one thing in common for all those images: that perfect girlfriend doesn't exist.
Just like we set unrealistic expectations for our one and only Prince Charming, guys create the idea of this mythical creature they can refer to as a cool girl.
But fantasizing is one thing. What we, ladies, do is even worse. We bend our personalities to resemble that non-existing image, losing who we actually are in the process.
At the end of the day he loves you, but that's not actually you. It's the role you chose to play to make him like you better.
And where do you go from here? Only two options: lie for the rest of your life or come clean and risk ending your relationship.
Faking who you are is very far from how men fall in love and you should avoid it at all costs.
Myth # 4: Good Sex Is How Men Fall In Love
Just as he doesn't love you for your looks, your ability to make him climax doesn't really appear at the top of the list.
If sex actually were one of the reasons behind how men fall in love, we'd make it our duty to become sex goddesses, whatever that means.
Good sex is essential to maintaining a strong bond, but it's far from being the foundation of love.
Pleasing each other better is actually more of a result of a genuine connection. Because when we care about someone, we want them to feel good both physically and emotionally.
So, by all means, enjoy sex and experiment with it as much as you like. Just don't expect it to turn into some kind of superweapon that will make him fall in love with you.
Myth # 5: He Loves You For Serving To His Every Need
A lot of women believe that every man's ideal woman is his mother. And what do moms do? They care.
There are two potential problems with this myth.
First, do you really want him to see you as a caregiver, not a partner? If your answer is "yes", it is time to dig inside your own thoughts and feelings to figure out why this is the case.
And second, some men prefer to feel independent enough to satisfy their own needs. Meaning that he most probably loves you for taking care of him, but he values your individual qualities way more.
As you will find out later on, leveling up with him is one of the major ways of how men fall in love. This means a reasonable amount of care and a lot more communication than you would expect.
The Truth Behind How Men Fall In Love
One thing I personally didn't know until recently is that men fall in love much faster than women. Their way of thinking is a little more black and white compared to ours.
It's not as primitive as "I see, I like", but in a nutshell men tend to analyze the way they feel less and just give in.
This means that it is important for us to keep in mind how men fall in love and consider the time as well. While you are probing the soil, he might already be head over heels in love.
Nothing bad about this, of course, just remember it to make sure no one gets hurt.
We've already discussed the myths about how men fall in love. Next let's talk about the actual reasons he loves you.
Fact # 1: He Loves You Because You Get Him
Understanding and acceptance are a large chunk of how men fall in love. Not just men. In fact, all people like to be heard.
Remember that you are not supposed to fake who you are and try to mirror his personality. Just show him that you see what he is about and that you like every bit of it.
His jokes might not be suitable for a stand-up performance, but they make you genuinely giggle.
He might over wear his washed-out band shirt, but in your opinion it just adds extra charm to his look.
See where am I going with this?
The fact that you accept him proves that you love him. And your ability to show appreciation of those little details is why he loves you.
Fact # 2: He Can Be Vulnerable Around You
Long-term relationships often test partners by having them face reality together. Health issues, family drama, career hiccups, and other such things can become serious obstacles in anyone's way.
Not everyone has to soldier through no matter what. It is ok to be weak and it is ok to ask for support.
See the human in him and allow your man to show his raw feelings without masking them. Don't judge. Just be there no matter what.
What's more, exposing your own vulnerability is also a big part of why he loves you. Providing a shoulder to cry on is one of the ways how men fall in love because he sees your real side and feels your trust.
Fact # 3: Double Happiness
Very straightforward: if you're happy and you know it clap your hands.
Not literally, although you can, just make it a habit of expressing your positive feelings. Even if you think it's unnecessary.
Did you wake up feeling more in love than ever? Share it with him.
This also includes being grateful for what he does and says to make you happy. By voicing your admiration you make sure that your relationship is entirely mutual.
It's insane how we become so open about sharing what's bothering us but fail to mention things that are actually enjoyable.
Break this cycle, tell your man he makes you happy. He loves you happy.
Fact # 4: Just Be You
I am not going to go into too much detail on this one. We already established that authenticity is crucial to how men fall in love.
It is important to show your real self because just like him, you want to be accepted. If he is having problems with the way you express yourself — he might be the problem.
Genuine bonds are as real as it gets. Faking and pretending might be fun, but it will never bring you happiness in the long run.
So, do your best and make sure he loves you for who you are and not for who you appear to be.
Fact # 5: All The Right Moves
You can't be perfect because perfect doesn't exist. But you can try to be a little better each day.
This means achieving your goals and constantly improving. Loving yourself and allowing love to come your way.
It also means striving to find a middle ground with him in most situations.
Sometimes you have got to let him win and compromise. And sometimes you have to stand your ground.
There is no recipe for choosing the right move that will apply to everyone. The longer you stay with the same person, the better you will understand which battles are worth fighting.
Look at any old married couple you know. Their relationship might resemble a choreographed dance. Because they know each other so well, they have the correct words and solutions for virtually any scenario.
You might say that this is more of a habit than love, but in reality, it is just an ability to maintain a healthy balance in your relationship.
Because he loves you just the same when you win and when you lose.
And That's How Men Fall In Love
There is no single answer to how men fall in love. At the end of the day he loves you for reasons that are only obvious to him.
What we can do is stay ourselves and treat each other like partners above everything else. And at the same time, accept the real him unconditionally.