It happens to the best of us. You can be madly in love.
Like, we’re talking head over heels here. But no one is immune to causing the ‘oh that hurt’ face in another person.
It doesn’t mean you love them any less, or that they are any less your Person. Necessarily. I mean, as always, take my advice with a pinch of salt and an appreciation for the sensitivities of the situation.
But yes, you might find yourself sat in the corner of the playroom wondering if it’s meant to hurt this much when the person you love has inadvertently hurt you. It happens. And you need to learn the golden rule about relationships in order to get through it.
Are you insecure about your legs? Does your partner know that? Does that stop them poking good natured fun at them every now and then? If the answer to any of that is ‘no’, then it’s well worth a conversation with your partner to clarify this. While it may be in poor taste on their end, it’s easily remedied if you communicate that the jokes aren’t quite landing or if it’s making you uncomfortable.
There’s nothing wrong with that. Honestly, there isn’t. They might be a little embarrassed or put out that they didn’t realise your pressure points earlier, but in the long run it’s only good news. Not only will you now know each other that bit more intimately, but you will also be able to spot when the other one is hurting a little easier.
I understand the reluctance to have this conversation.
I do – truly.
No one wants to be told that they have upset another person, however that person doesn’t get to decide that they didn’t. Moreover, much as we like to imagine and delude ourselves that our relationships are all perfect, they’re not. They can’t be, otherwise we’d be mindless robots and would never have any fun. We need to be surprised to make it through this life! Therefore, it really is worth facing up to the limitations of your relationship because that’s the only way you’ll fix them. By being honest with yourself and your partner!
The right guy – who will treat you the way you deserve – is out there for you. There’s no reason you should pressure yourself or push for what you aren’t ready for. Don’t worry about what other people are doing around you – they don’t matter. Seriously, it’s your life that you need to live – not theirs. You can’t judge your success on their terms, or constantly be comparing yourself to them, because then you can never win. Or feel satisfied.
That will be because you are living your life by other people’s timelines and stressing yourself needlessly over something over which you have little control. Emotions and the heart are liable at any given moment in time to doing whatever the hell they want. Therefore, it stands to reason that we are sort of wasting our time with trying to fit into someone else’s template.
The right guy is out there for you. I promise.
However, if you have become acclimatised to an emotionally distant, neglectful, abusive or apathetic relationship, there is no quick fix. This is because you feel trapped; trapped in your insecurities or concerns about the other person, and yet unable to communicate that. This is either because you feel that your concerns wouldn’t be taken seriously, or you’re just simply not comfortable putting yourself out there and rendering your emotions open in an honest and exposing way. Frankly, making yourself vulnerable is super hard, even if it’s to friends you’ve known years, or your own family. So it’s no small feat.
That said, it’s still possible. It’s worth trying.
Emotional distance means that you aren’t truly comfortable with the other person in your relationship, and maybe you aren’t even comfortable with yourself yet. Therefore, prioritising yourself and working on your own needs can be achieved through putting yourself first in a relationship.
Either ending a toxic one, or pursing people who will prioritise you above everything else.