The term that starts with E and ends with "clusivity" can be intimidating for some, but it shouldn't be. Requesting someone to commit to an exclusive relationship is a rational expectation, and the suitable individual will eagerly accept it. Let's discuss the details of how to broach this subject.
1. Remember That You're Not Asking For Too Much
Although it may seem like a big request, it's actually a straightforward one. You deserve to be with someone who willingly agrees to it. Ignore those inner doubts that suggest you're asking for too much. The truth is, you're not.
2. Make Sure A Subjectively Reasonable Amount Of Time Has Passed
The timeframe for when to bring up exclusivity is subjective and can vary greatly from person to person. For some, a few weeks may feel like a long time, while for others, it may take a few months. Regardless of the duration, it's crucial to allow some time to pass before having this conversation. Asking for exclusivity too early, like on the first or second date, can be overwhelming and off-putting. You'll sense when the timing is appropriate.
3. Take A Risk And Be Vulnerable
Bringing up the topic of exclusivity can be daunting, as it involves putting yourself in a vulnerable position where rejection is a possibility. However, there's also a possibility that things could work out positively. Regardless of the outcome, it's essential to have the conversation to move forward with the best option for you. So, take the leap and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Be open to hearing their response and keep your heart open to the possibilities.
4. Just Be Straight Up
Although it may be difficult, being straightforward is the best approach. Clarity is advantageous for everyone involved. You could try saying something like, "I've been reflecting on our relationship and I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to date anyone else. I only want to be with you. How do you feel about that?" By being direct, you'll prevent any confusion or misunderstandings.
5. Never Assume Exclusivity
If you're genuinely curious about exclusivity, it's always best to have a conversation about it. Don't assume that being together for a while or having strong feelings for each other implies exclusivity. In fact, it's best to assume the opposite until it's explicitly discussed. Having the exclusivity talk is essential.
6. Decide Ahead Of Time What You're Going To Do With Their Answer
If they answer affirmatively, what actions do you intend to take? Chances are you'll celebrate and enter into an exclusive relationship with them. Hooray! But if they say no, what's your plan? Will you continue seeing them or terminate the relationship on the spot? It's best to be prepared for either outcome to ensure a smoother process.
7. If They Freak Out, Then They Aren't The Right Person
The worst-case scenario is that the person responds by belittling you for asking or outright rejecting your proposal. However, this is acceptable as it provides you with additional information. It's necessary to have all the facts to make an informed decision. If they decline exclusivity but still wish to continue dating you, then you're aware that you have the option to leave. You're not obligated to compromise your needs to accommodate someone else.
8. Don't Listen To People When They Tell You To Just Go With The Flow
If you're sensing that it's time to discuss exclusivity, don't hesitate to bring it up. Some people advocate for "letting love unfold organically," but I believe that's impractical because a relationship doesn't materialize out of thin air. Someone needs to initiate the conversation, and why not you? If it's weighing on your mind, take action.
9. Know That Everyone's Different
In my experience, some individuals consider exclusivity as a three-month milestone, whereas others, like me, view it as a three-week benchmark. Everyone has their own pace, which can vary significantly. Ideally, you and the person you're interested in will share a similar outlook, but if not, don't take it personally as it's likely not a reflection of your connection.
10. You Deserve Someone Who's Just As Excited About You As You Are Them
The truth is, you should hold out until you find that special someone who responds with an enthusiastic "yes!" The exclamation point is crucial here. You want someone who is just as thrilled as you are; it shouldn't feel like a chore. You undoubtedly deserve to be with someone who is genuinely excited about being with you. So, keep searching, because that person is out there waiting for you.
