I am guessing you have had a run-in with a narcissist before. Do you doubt it? Well, do you remember Johnny, the kid who got others riled up through every kind of provocation imaginable? They put up with him until they couldn’t anymore, and so they sought some justice. But at this opportune moment, the teacher steps in, and all he sees is a bunch of kids ganging up on the poor Johnny. The teacher does not see the bully you all know Johnny to be, all he sees is a bunch of ruthless bullies picking on one defenseless kid.
You remember now, uh? Yes, that was a narcissist. In any case, you have probably come across a narcissist in your adult life as well. Heck, you might be living in the same house with one. How they operate does not change regardless of their age. They do awful things, but they always find a way to let someone else take the blame. They also usually go a little further and make the world see them as victims.
Who’s a Narcissist?
Let’s not make any broad assumptions on your grasp of this personality disorder. So, before we go any further, let’s have a look at who a narcissist is. They exhibit some or all of these characteristics.
1. Self-obsession is very strong among these individuals. To them, everyone else exists to serve their interests. They care only about their needs and no one else’s.
2. They talk, instead of having a conversation because everything you talk about has to go their way. Your input, unless it favors their point of view, is usually not welcome and they are not above interrupting, dismissing, and negating what you say.
3. Narcissists are easily angered as they never take the blame at any one time. It is always someone else’s fault that things have gone wrong, so they never learn to deal with their emotions and reactions.
4. They are masters of the blame game. Even when you are both responsible for something going wrong, a narcissist will ensure that all the blame goes to you. They are never at fault, even when they unilaterally caused the problems.
5. Defensiveness is very common among them, as they shun criticism and cannot face their flaws. Trying to show them they have a problem can make them lash out.
6. Narcissists like breaking rules, because they don’t think these rules apply to them unless they benefit them in some way or another. They simply don’t give a damn about fitting in with society.
How Narcissists turn their victims into villains
According to an expert, narcissists are pros at projecting. They use this technique to make everything about them and avoid blame.
When called out on something they did, they react in a number of ways.
First of all, they deny. And it’s not an act since they have deluded themselves into seeing the world differently. They don’t even realize that they are in denial, their reactions are based on a warped sense of reality.
Secondly, they lie. There are moments when a narcissist will realize that they have been caught red-handed. At this time, they will come up with lies and excuses that make them seem innocent or as heroes. They are very good at it, and a small twist might be all they add to the story so that the blame does not fall on them.
Thirdly, a narcissist will use projection. They do this based on the belief that others are just like them. So, if they can do something bad, or even blame someone else, they assume everyone else would do the same. That is why anything you can blame on them will be projected onto someone else. When lying, they will often think you are as well.
Finally, narcissists are also gossipers. They know how to spread a version of the truth about you that ruins your name among those close to you, and they will usually keep at it until you have no one on your side.
Because narcissists are such great societal outliers, their techniques often leave their victims dumbfounded. You would never imagine that someone would act in that matter, and this will often elicit a reaction that seems unreasonable to others, making you seem like the thoughtless one.
But wait a minute, what if a narcissist reads this? According to an expert, nothing will change. A narcissist does not think he/she is a narcissist. Such people will think this information is about others and not them. This should not be a surprise since they have mastered the art of attributing all negative things to other people.