Here Is Why A Relationship Is The Hardest For Someone Who Overthinks
Published in Mar 2019 / Updated in Oct 2021
Relationships have their ups and downs. And while it's true that every relationship goes through its fair share of challenges, relationships that involve people who overthink are significantly more difficult to handle.
The problem is you have to deal with problems that don't even exist. They exist in the mind of the over-thinker.
Not surprisingly, overthinking has brought many promising relationships to a stop. It is an incredibly good fortune to meet someone who does not think too much and blow things out of proportion.
Still, the heart wants what the heart wants. If you end up in a relationship with a partner who overthinks, here are some points to keep in mind.
1. Keep reassuring them that there's nothing to worry about
With these people, don't focus too much on the truth of what happened. Even if the thing they are losing their mind over is completely unfounded, focus instead on reassuring them that everything is fine and that you still care about them. This actually calms them down, and it works better than ignoring them or getting upset.
The good thing is that this is not something you will always need to do. As they grow to trust you, the things that made them extremely anxious in the past will not be an issue. The anxiety is more like a phase in their trust journey; you just have to be patient until it is gone.
2. Read them carefully
Overthinkers are wired a little differently. For instance, their focus on detail makes them respond to most things with more than a few words. When they start responding in a single word, there is something wrong, even if they insist there isn't.
They can also get nervous and this can show in their behavior. For instance, they can drive too fast for fear of getting late. They can also get fidgety when in situations that make them nervous. These are struggles they go through, and you should learn to recognize them to help them overcome them through reassurance.
3. Learn to help them overcome their worries
Nobody can fix everything. When an overthinker is going through a difficult situation they can do nothing or little about, you should just be there and help them get through it through any support you can offer. As long as they don't feel alone, they will probably be fine.
4. Know that their minds play tricks on them
With overthinkers, expect that everything you say and do will most likely get noticed. A change in tone of voice, an innocent gesture, or a word you say can be interpreted in the most drastic ways and make them think that a serious problem is brewing.
This can build up their anxiety and even make them freeze as they imagine all the negative possibilities an honestly innocent gesture can bring about in your relationship. Overthinkers don't do this on purpose, their minds just tend to play tricks on them and blow things way out of proportion.
5. You might have to be constantly sure for them
Overthinkers are not the most decisive of people, and making decisions might be your responsibility in most cases. They might ask a lot of questions to ensure that they get you something you like, usually because people have made them doubt their choices in the past. To make it easier for them, you should give them direct answers to these questions yourself.
6. Have deep conversations with them
To an overthinker's mind, everything is possible. They can assume that a situation will go in a certain direction and there is little you can do to change that line of thought. When they get like that, keep them engaged through a conversation, and offer some decisions that will keep them from considering possibilities that would ruin their peace of mind.
If you try to get into an argument, they will only be more confused, and they will hurt more than you will and can take things pretty personally. Deep down, they are really caring, but they also have a deep desire to be understood, and seeming like you don't can really weigh on them.
7. Love them unconditionally
Anxious people are often aware of their personal shortcomings. They don't like the anxious side of their personalities either, and may never fully love this aspect of themselves. That is why you have to love them unconditionally and make them understand that they are worthy of love regardless of everything. Be there when they are overcome by their anxiety.
If you can do this, you can get the most devoted and caring person out of an overthinker. Their love is true, and they never stop showing love and care because they care about the small things that most other people ignore as time goes by.