You see someone walking around. You wonder why they turned out the way they did. Try not to judge and hold it against them. It's a jungle out there.
Some of us, at our most impressionable stage, went through experiences that changed us forever.
For instance, many people have grown up with Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).
What's CEN Anyway?
Childhood Emotional Neglect happens when your emotional needs as a kid are not given enough attention. This changes the way you think, and that changes the adult you turn into.
You take on the unhealthy beliefs your parents had; you believe in the wrong things.
In case you suspect that you might have this problem, here are some sure signs that you might be a victim of CEN.
1. Feeling Inadequate
Maybe you feel less interesting, capable, smart, lovable, attractive, and so forth and so on compared to other people. The point is, after ECN, there is something you feel that you have a grotesque lack of, however untrue it is.
This explains why some women feel so unattractive besides the public consensus that they are really beautiful. That is what emotional childhood neglect can do to you.
2. Putting Other People's Needs Before Your Own
By ignoring your needs as a kid, your parents indirectly made you feel that your needs were not important. That is why you have practically forgotten about them. All you worry about are other people's needs. That is why it is so hard for you to ask for help from people, but very easy for you to offer it.
3. Hiding Your Feelings
When upset by anything, a victim of ECN will opt not to speak out because of a false belief that their feelings don't matter. You believe that you are a burden to other people.
On some level, you feel that sharing your feelings will push others away and even ruin your relationships. That might be untrue since we are emotional beings and need to express what we feel. Expressing our emotions also makes us resilient and enriches our experiences.
4. You Hate Relying On Other People Out Of Fear Of Disappointment
When you grow up in an environment where your needs are not addressed, you learn to count less on the reliability of people. You believe that other people will disappoint you on some level and you stop counting on their help.
It's because you needed emotional support but never got any from those supposed to give it to you. So, you learned not to put yourself in a position to need others. You also believe that other people will eventually let you down.
If you have been through ECN, my heart goes out to you. And I am here to tell you that there is something you can do about this problem. For instance:
- Understand that your feelings matter as much as those of everyone else.
- Know that no one is perfect. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and there is no reason to feel inadequate just because you are not as good as everyone else at something.
- Ensure that you put the right people in your life to avoid making your problem worse. Be with people who care about your emotional well-being.
I have to tell you, battling emotional childhood neglect will not be easy. But like everything else, with dedication and the right steps, there is plenty you can do about the problem. You can free yourself from the shackles of this childhood tragedy and become a well-rounded human being who relates with others in a healthy way.