I feel terrible. I yelled at my kid, and he didn't deserve it. He just seemed like he was about to do something wrong.
I could have been gentle. But now, I'm consumed by guilt. I should know better by now.
In my time here in this world, I have learned that the wound you once bled from could become the point from which your beautiful future germinates.
It could also be the opposite, which is why I think I was so harsh with my child.
Yes, We Are No Longer Kids, But Those Childhood Wounds Go Deep
And here's another thing, they never heal until we make an effort to deal with them and rid ourselves of their evil influence over us.
I had been working on healing the pain for several years without success, and I was just about to give up.
Except for one thing: it was too late to give up. I had already come so far.
I considered failed attempts at healing were lessons, and I realized I was more conscious of inflicting the same pain on my kids than ever before.
Some Parents Hurt Their Kids Without Knowing It
But I know I can break the cycle once and for all. And I will continue to put together the broken pieces until I am whole again.
In my childhood, I had to deal with sadness, alcoholism, instability, and anger.
I suffered from withdrawal and was forcefully separated from those I loved. On many occasions, I had no one to console me when I was falling apart.
I learned to live with the anger, criticisms, yelling and sadness.
I was living in the most toxic of environments. I faced serious adult problems before I was old enough to know what's normal and not.
Emotional blackmail became a constant reality of my life.
I'll admit that I got stronger from dealing with these problems, but they took their toll. In my teens, I was already in a deep depression. I even hurt myself frequently.
Even today, I have to fight the influence these horrible childhood experiences had on me. Yes, they have made my relationships difficult, but I'm not giving up.
Not now, not ever.
But for me to heal, I had to deal with these horrible emotions.
How To Get Over Childhood Trauma
You have to let go of fear and peel back the layers to get to the core of the problem. The anger, lashing out and other negative emotions are just reactions. You have to dig deep and find the reason for these negative reactions to rid yourself of the problem.
Also, learn to appreciate how far you have come. This journey takes time, and if you wait to feel good about your achievement once it's over, you will wait a long time.
Additionally, you cannot fear letting bad emotions come to the surface. It does not matter how ugly the demons of childhood trauma are. You have to let them out so you can deal with them.
Furthermore, accept that you will never fully get over it. These experiences, on some level, are part of who you are. What's important is that you learn from the experiences and become a better person.
Finally, and this is very important, work on forgiving those who hurt you. This destroys the hold these horrible childhood experiences had on you. It might take time, but that's okay. The important thing is that you completely forgive those who hurt you so you can move on.
Childhood trauma can go away, even though the wounds might not. With patience and the right effort, the things that scarred you and set you on the wrong emotional path can be overcome. Turn your wounds into important life lessons. Trust me. You will be glad you did.