You connect instantly with a great guy, but there's a minor snag - he's not your ideal match, nor someone you typically go for. I found myself in this predicament, but luckily I learned some valuable insights before losing him permanently. Perhaps these lessons will assist you if you encounter a similar circumstance.
1. The things he's "lacking" are probably not a big deal
While he may lack certain physical features you find attractive, such as a sprinkling of freckles on his nose or a chiseled jawline like Prince Eric from "The Little Mermaid," how significant are those traits in the bigger picture? Ultimately, having sea-green eyes or being tall won't necessarily make him a better partner or better in bed. The aspects that genuinely matter in a relationship aren't based on superficial qualities.
2. It's important to think about why you are attracted to this guy
If you're grappling with the fact that he doesn't fit your typical preferences, reflect on why you're attracted to him. Chances are, if he had a bad attitude and wasn't your type, you would have lost interest right away. However, if you find yourself constantly thinking about him and eagerly anticipating his next message, it's a clear indication that you're genuinely interested in him. Is it because he's intelligent or has a great sense of humor? Perhaps you admire his dedication to social justice or appreciate how comfortable you feel when talking to him? Consider these factors rather than just physical traits.
3. There's more than one way to be someone's "type"
Reflecting on why you're attracted to him can reveal that he actually fits your type, just not in the exact ways you had envisioned. For instance, you may have always desired someone who is kind and shares your love for graphic novels, and he embodies those traits. Perfection is unattainable, and it's improbable that you'll find someone who ticks all your boxes. Instead, focus on finding someone who checks off the most important ones.
4. Those guys who are your "type" are probably jerks anyway
Maybe you've always envisioned yourself with a tall, blonde surfer dude who also dabbles in the stock market, but let's be real - that guy might not be all he's cracked up to be. Of course, not all tall, blonde, surfer/stock enthusiasts are unpleasant, but the point is that you shouldn't assume someone will treat you with kindness and respect just because they fit a certain physical type or profession. Even if you were to date someone who perfectly aligns with your ideal, you could still end up with a broken heart if they turn out to be a total jerk. Learning that lesson the hard way is not the best approach.
5. Why have you fixated on specific attributes that make your "perfect guy"?
Take a moment to introspect and examine why you desire the traits of your "perfect guy." For instance, I used to believe that I was only interested in short, slender men, but upon deeper reflection, I realized that it wasn't necessarily the physical body type that I was drawn to. Rather, it was the type of person they were that attracted me. When I first began dating these men, I didn't consciously think, "Wow, he's so short and skinny!" Instead, I was simply drawn to their personality. Recognizing that I may have deceived myself into thinking I only liked one specific type of person was eye-opening. It became even more apparent when I found myself attracted to someone who didn't fit that mold.
6. No offense, but you might need to check yourself
Let's face it, there's nothing inherently wrong with being attracted to a specific type of person. Similarly, it's not necessarily problematic to find someone unattractive because of a particular trait, whether it be physical or otherwise. Ultimately, attraction is not entirely under our control. However, it's important to consider your priorities if you find yourself drawn to someone, but the only thing holding you back is a physical trait they lack or possess. It may be necessary to re-evaluate what you truly seek in a partner.
7. When it comes down to it, there's no such thing as a "type"
It's a common notion that each of us has a "type," or specific characteristics that we're inherently attracted to. However, just because you find a particular trait or feature attractive doesn't necessarily mean that every person who possesses it will make you swoon. Similarly, it's possible to find yourself wildly attracted to someone who doesn't fit your typical "type." Don't limit yourself to certain individuals because you feel like you should. In the end, you're the only one who will miss out if you do.