He Doesn't Put You First: Are You A Priority Or Just An Option?

If you're in a romantic relationship, it's natural to want to feel like a top priority, if not the number one priority. It can be disheartening to feel like you're just an option, rather than a priority. However, it's important to recognize the signs that your partner may not be prioritizing you. Here are some indications that you should not disregard.

1. Most Of The Time You Spend With Him Happens Last Minute

He tends to explore other options before committing to plans with you. This implies that he will only ask you to hang out when he's certain that there are no other possibilities available. It's quite evident when he doesn't prioritize you.

2. He Wants To Know Plans But Still Won't Make Any With You

He seeks to be fully informed about his options by inquiring about your plans for the evening/weekend and assessing your availability. This provides him with the reassurance that he can rely on you if nothing else works out. However, when you inquire about his plans, he may be vague and noncommittal, stating that he's unsure.

3. You're Not The Person He Takes To Big Events

If you hold a position of importance in his life, he will unquestionably choose you as his plus-one for his best friend's wedding. However, if you are just an alternative, he may invite his sister (or worse, his ex) for no apparent reason. This behavior is inexcusable as he not only fails to prioritize you, but he also disregards your significance altogether.

4. He Frequently Bails On Things That Are Important To You

The reason why he doesn't prioritize the things that are important to you is simply that they don't hold much significance for him. Despite making excuses about being busy, you may catch him later posting on Facebook about playing Call of Duty all night. You feel too embarrassed to confront him about it since it reflects poorly on your relationship.

5. Unless There's Something Wants, It'll Take Him Forever To Respond To You

When you fail to respond to his text due to a busy schedule, he may display an attitude, but the same does not apply when he ignores you. He anticipates that you will accept his inattentiveness, and if you don't, he may label you as irrational or even "clingy," which is rather astounding.

Signs He Doesn't Put You First

If you notice any of these signs, know that he does not put you first.

1. You're The One Making All The Effort

If you are always the one initiating conversations, making plans, and picking him up for dates, it's probable that he views you as a mere hookup and not a serious dating prospect. A relationship should involve equal effort from both parties, so if you're solely responsible for initiating and maintaining the connection, it's not a good sign for any potential future together. Moreover, it's unlikely that such a future even exists.

2. You Make Excuses For Him Constantly

When your friends or family point out his negative behavior, you may find yourself repeating the same flimsy excuse he gave you. It's a humiliating experience, but you don't want your loved ones to think that you're naive, so you defend him even if you don't truly believe in what you're saying.

3. He Accuses You Of Being Nuts When You Stand Up For Yourself

This behavior is a classic example of emotional manipulation, and it shows that the person does not value your emotions. It's crucial to call out such behavior not only for the sake of the relationship but also for your own self-esteem. You shouldn't let the person make you feel guilty about standing up for yourself. When the person blames you for their negative behavior or even denies it altogether, it's a form of gaslighting, which is unacceptable.

4. He Never Remembers Anything You Tell Him

Individuals tend to remember things that hold significance to them, and your life details don't seem to be a priority for him. This is why he may forget even after you've reminded him several times. It's apparent that he doesn't prioritize you because he doesn't seem to know you very well, even with the most fundamental information like your sibling's name or birthday slipping his memory. What's the reason for his behavior?

5. He Makes You Unhappy Most Of The Time

Take a moment to reflect on your emotions when you're with him. Do you feel mostly happy or sad? If he exhibits any of the other behaviors on this list, the answer to that question might be clear. Remember that you have a lot to offer in a relationship and you deserve to be loved fully. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve.

What To Do When He Doesn't Put You First

Are you sure he doesn't put you first? If yes, then here are some things you can do.

1. Take A Giant Leap Back

If you've been prioritizing his wants and needs over yours, and you don't feel like you're getting the same treatment in return, it's time to change that. You're not foolish, and your time and energy are valuable resources that you shouldn't waste. Until he can match your level of consideration and show you the same priority that you give him, it's essential to create some distance between you.

2. Don't Sleep With Him

Under no circumstances should you rush into a physical relationship with him. Don't let his meaningless words persuade you when there's no sign of genuine improvement. If he's only interested in you for sexual reasons or taking advantage of the benefits of having a girlfriend without treating you properly, it's crucial to make it clear that this behavior is unacceptable. One way to do this is by avoiding any intimate situations until he shows genuine effort to change things.

3. Put Yourself First

It may sound cliché, but it's essential to prioritize yourself because no one else will do it for you. You need to be your own biggest supporter, closest confidant, and most loyal cheerleader. You don't have to rely on someone else to make you feel valued because you already have your own support system. Ultimately, that's the most crucial thing.

4. Rejig Your Priorities

This step is an extension of creating distance from him. If he's been a significant priority in your life, it's time to make a change. Consider shifting your focus from making time and space for him to prioritizing other aspects of your life, such as your fitness journey or career advancement. This not only helps you preserve your mental and emotional well-being but also promotes personal growth. It's a win-win situation!

5. Find Other Distractions

It's possible to achieve by changing your priorities. Consider taking a class, getting back to the gym, or starting a new series on Netflix. Whatever you choose to do, ensure that you fill your time with activities that don't revolve around the guy who fails to prioritize you.

6. Tell Him Straight-up How You're Feeling

If he appears to be completely unaware of the one-sided nature of your relationship, it's essential to be honest with him. Communicate that you're tired of prioritizing his needs while not receiving the same treatment in return. Let him know that you don't want to be with someone who views you as an inconvenience rather than a valued partner. He may either express genuine remorse and make an effort to change (which is necessary), or he may deny the situation altogether, and you'll have a clear understanding of his stance.

7. Break Things Off If Necessary

If you have exhausted all options, and he remains unchanged, it may be time to move on and let go. It's not worth investing time and energy in someone who fails to prioritize you. Remember, there's someone out there who will treat you as a priority.