Have you ever granted someone a second opportunity? If so, you've likely been told, "I've truly changed!" The problem is, merely stating that one has transformed does not guarantee it to be true. Many individuals assert they've changed when, in reality, they remain the same. How can you determine if the person you're forgiving has genuinely undergone a metamorphosis? Here are some indicators that signify they are authentic and others that suggest they are insincere.
1. Really Changed: He's Acting Differently
To determine if someone has genuinely changed, it's best to evaluate their actions rather than their words. One can feign verbal expressions, but behavior speaks volumes. If an individual is demonstrating a shift in their conduct following an apology, it is more probable that they have indeed changed. Moreover, if they have truly transformed, they will not repeat the same blunders or engage in behaviors that previously caused harm. If they are displaying modified behavior, it is a strong indication of genuine remorse.
2. Full Of Crap: Everything Seems The Same
Similarly, if everything appears unchanged, it's probable that no transformation has occurred. If someone claims to have changed but their actions suggest otherwise, it's likely they're being insincere. It's crucial to consider their actions, how you feel, and the general state of your relationship. Have things genuinely improved? If the actions contradict the words, it's essential not to rely solely on their verbal assurances. Instead, take a closer look at what's happening in front of you.
3. Really Changed: He Doesn't Pressure You To Forgive Him
An individual should not change solely to win someone's approval. Genuine change should stem from a personal desire to improve and grow. It's not about pleasing others, but rather about striving towards a better version of oneself. Therefore, someone who incessantly pesters you to forgive them may not be genuinely interested in personal growth. Instead, their primary objective may be to alleviate the anger you feel towards them, regardless of whether it's justified.
4. Full Of Crap: He Lies About Other Things
Generally, an individual with a reputation for dishonesty will have less credibility when making promises. Even if they claim to have changed and are displaying transformed behavior, their track record of deception in other areas raises doubts about their sincerity. Eventually, their actions will reveal their true nature. However, during the initial period of their supposed transformation, their behavior may appear to have improved while they are still on probation. In such cases, it's important to consider whether they are typically trustworthy or have a history of deceit. The cliche may be overused, but the saying holds true: a leopard does not change its spots.
5. Really Changed: He's Responsive To Feedback
An individual who has genuinely transformed for the better is likely to be receptive to feedback. As previously noted, their motivation to change originates from a genuine desire to improve themselves. Consequently, they will be open to hearing additional suggestions. If they listen to you when you provide input on how they can continue to progress or collaborate with you to enhance your relationship, it's a positive sign that they have changed. Conversely, if they show no interest in hearing your perspective, it's probable that they're not genuinely interested in changing.
6. Full Of Crap: He Resents You For Making Him Change
Genuine transformation stems from a personal desire to change. When someone truly changes, they won't harbor any resentment towards you for inspiring them to change. The transformation will originate from their own internal drive to improve, even if you were the one who first pointed out that a change was necessary. If they blame you for the change or hold it against you, it's an indication that they haven't truly grown as a person.
7. Really Changed: He's Remorseful For The Past
When we undergo positive change, it's typical to feel regretful about our past actions. This isn't to suggest that we must be ashamed of our errors indefinitely. However, during the initial stages of growth, it's natural to feel contrition as we evolve. A sign that an individual has genuinely transformed is if they exhibit remorse for their past mistakes while simultaneously making a concerted effort to avoid repeating them.
8. Full Of Crap: This Is The Umpteenth Time He's Promised To Change
The value of a promise diminishes with each repetition. Initially, if someone promises to change, it may be worthwhile to grant them the benefit of the doubt. However, once it becomes a recurrent pattern of making promises and failing to follow through, it's evident what to anticipate. If this is the umpteenth time he's claimed to have changed, it's probable that this time is no different from all the previous instances, and he's not genuinely committed to changing.
9. Really Changed: He Checks In With How You're Feeling
If your partner has made a promise to improve, they should want to ensure that they are making progress towards that goal. This involves regularly checking in with you and your feelings. If their actions continue to upset you or if you still feel negatively about the relationship, it's an indication that they haven't genuinely changed. If a guy has truly changed for the better, he will naturally want to understand your feelings and the status of your relationship.