Goodbye 2019: 2020 I Vow To Work On Myself

I mean, 2019 happened to all of us, didn't it. It was another 'one of those days'. But like, for the whole year. No? just me? Doubt it.

Either way, I have a few reflections and I'm not going to wallow in self pity anymore!

Okay, saddle up chaps; I'm about to say something bold, Ready?

Your life is on track and you don't need to rush through it for a series of arbitrary goals.

Yes, it is ridiculously hard to have friends that may seem like they are ahead of you. More successful. Higher up in their career field. In a longer-term relationship. Living independently. Wealthier. Fitter. Just in general, better.

While it may be the objective truth that someone's job title is more senior than yours, or that they've been in a relationship for a greater number of days, it doesn't really mean all that you may think it does.


Well, for one, these things aren't permanent states of being. Just like it's unreasonable and counterintuitive to expect to be happy all the time, you can't always be successful. You wouldn't know the hills from the valleys without a bit of context. Therefore, and you don't have to be a bad person for thinking this, people won't always be successful. Neither will you. But you also won't be where you are now, forever. Not by any means.

Indeed, these people in their flashy jobs aren't necessarily happy. For all we know they could be horribly adrift or feeling underutilised. In short, they are people too, and like it or not, they could be spiraling for having the dream job just as much as you spiral for not having it. Yet. Such is life. But that's not the point here. Not only are people often deluding themselves about how great life is, but the very concept of a 'dream job' is a contentious one.

Firstly, it presumes that capitalistic goals can be neatly aligned with personal wellness and satisfaction. That's unrealistic at the best of times. Secondly, we are conditioned to believe that with money comes power, control, and contentment. To a degree, there is some truth in that in as far as we can have shelter, food, and effective leisure time or education. However, in order to 'better' ourselves, we have to be promoted or be paid more to reflect our relative success and wealth. Here, our livelihood becomes our identity and in turn our value as human beings.

All tied up in a wage

Therefore, to put too much stead in the necessity to risk your life, mental health in the pursuit of the 'dream job' supposes that the 'goal' of life is fundamentally economic. It can't be. Therefore, if it's not your goal, don't judge yourself on its terms, because they will never be prioritised by you. It will also serve to tire you out and weaken your mentality to be unique and independent because your efforts may masquerade as being in your interests, but really they keep you in place and further the ruling government's agenda.

Okay, so I'm a soundly lowkey socialist here but you get my drift. Try to separate where your goals are and you will find that they are much more achievable. It's often people who are achieving things that never occurred to you or weren't on your radar that stress us the most. That's why we never thought to prioritise them. Just because someone else does, it doesn't mean we need to, but it shakes our belief.

But we all do it

Also, a quick side note, there's a fine line between genuine self-improvement and what I have just described. Sometimes people will come along that are genuinely good influences on terms that you value – such as getting you out on jogs, applying for ambitious jobs, or introducing you to new people. Those people you can and should keep up with! However, it's the people that you hold on a pillar that make you feel a random compulsion to either be jealous of them or become them.

That's a situation that's no good to anyone, because they don't realise the power they inadvertently hold over your sense of identity, and once you establish patterns of supplanting your own interests, it's all the harder to get back to your own goals and roots.

Okay I'm going to level with you here, guys

Relationships are hard. Love is hard. And therefore it stands to reason, breakups are hard. Arguably, they're harder. Because you acclimatise to all that your partner offered you and the more you realise what you are missing, the more you will miss it. Obviously. However, things aren't all doom and gloom forever – as always – there are lessons to be learned. I don't mean this in the dramatic sense that all suffering is always worthwhile because we can learn from it. I think that is too intense and insists upon us having to break down to know what we're made of. I think there are plenty of realisations we can – indeed, have to – come to alone.

This comes from time spent in our own company and figuring out who we are and what defines us

Yes, at the moment we're spooning an ungodly amount of salty comfort food into our mouths while we gratuitously rewatch old episodes of Friends, but it won't always be like that. Comforts like that exist for a reason – to make us feel better. There's nothing to be ashamed of in engaging with them, but once they are no longer consoling us, we need to try and reflect and move on. Love that journey for us!

What are mistakes if not things to learn from?

2020, I'm coming atcha!