During your early to mid-20s, you were a master of the club scene. You had your pre-party routines and fashion choices perfected, and every visit to your favorite venues was guaranteed to be a blast. However, without warning, your 30s crept up on you, and now your weekends are more likely spent in comfy pajamas binge-watching Netflix than indulging in $15 cocktails and recovering from the previous night's partying. If you do decide to revisit your former haunts, you'll notice a significant change. Things aren't quite the same as they once were, but that's perfectly fine. Here are some of the differences you'll observe when clubbing in your 30s.
1. The Get Ready Routine
Although pre-gaming rituals remain popular, you now opt for a more refined beverage and invite your girlfriends over for a wine night. No longer do you shoot cheap vodka without a chaser. As you sort through your closet, you realize you no longer own revealing attire, so you put together an ensemble from your mature wardrobe in an attempt to resemble a more modest version of Miley Cyrus.
2. Arriving At The Club
As you arrive at the club, you notice that it's overflowing with people, and a lengthy queue snakes around the corner. This used to be no issue since you were familiar with all the bouncers. However, it has been years since you last visited and you don't recognize anyone. The impractical shoes you wore to complete your pop princess appearance make waiting in line a daunting task. You consider bribing the doorman with a $20 bill, but after assessing his stern expression, you abandon the idea and join the queue. Throughout your wait, you grumble incessantly about the absurdity of waiting in line.
3. Buying A Drink
Similar to the doorman, you're unfamiliar with the bartenders, and once again, there's a line to purchase drinks. After waiting, you finally reach the front, only to be told that your vodka soda costs $9. You're taken aback, wondering what happened to the days of $1 highballs. You begin to ponder how many more drinks you can afford without compromising your budget for rent or mortgage.
4. Observing The Scene
This is undoubtedly the most daunting aspect of the evening. You question whether you appeared equally as intoxicated in your previous outfits that clung to your backside. You also ponder when mini-skirts became so incredibly short, and speculate that perhaps you should read more fashion publications. Additionally, you choose not to dwell on the overly obnoxious guys who resemble "The Situation" from Jersey Shore, parading around and searching for their next target.
Indeed, the most arduous part of the night has arrived. Do you still possess the ability to dance? Unfortunately, your body, now in its 30s, says otherwise. While you were once a master on the dance floor, you now resemble an elderly woman attempting to perform the robot as you flail your arms around, trying to keep pace with the beat. You're unaware of the Nae-Nae dance move, thinking it's a reference to a cast member from the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Moreover, you've fallen behind on the latest music trends, leading you to request a song from the DJ to enhance your mood, only to have it be outdated and ignored.
6. Checking The Time
After having a few drinks, you begin to feel like it's time to leave. You glance at the clock and realize it's only 10 pm. How can that be? You had only arrived an hour earlier at 9 pm. All you can think about is getting back to your bed, and you wish it could happen right at that moment.
7. The Anticipated End
Congratulations, you made it through a night out at the club, though it wasn't quite the experience you remembered. On the journey back home, you reflect on the good old days when you could tolerate spending hours on end in that environment, several times a month, and reminisce about all the wild nights you had with your crew. Now, you're an adult, and despite the fact that your body will ache from wearing high heels and attempting to dance tomorrow, at least you only have to endure it once or twice a year now.