Published in Sep 2020 / Updated in Aug 2021
Disclaimer: don’t take this personally; nobody gets out of this feeling flattered. Funny zodiac sign descriptions make us all look bad. Pisces start this hilarious list with their confusion about the idea of sex and their ridiculous lack of sense of direction. You will probably meet them reversing on the highway at ridiculous speeds.
1. Pisces – Unintentionally Funny, Living In A Make-Believe World
You are funny, but not on purpose. For starters, your friends, when you were young, were all imaginary, and you have still held on to a few of them even as an adult.
If anyone needs a reality check, it’s you. You don’t drink to forget your problems, but as a way to zip line to your ridiculous make-believe world.
2. Sagittarius – Afraid Of Commitment, Too Many Unfunny Jokes
You don’t know when to stop. You make funny jokes until they are no longer funny. And even then, you go on until your audience boos you off.
Making yourself look like an idiot is your idea of being fun. Others know you for your fear of commitment.
3. Cancer – Tries Too Hard To Be Funny, Likely To End Up In Prison
Nobody thinks you are funny until you try to be funny. That’s when you prove you are a lot less funny than you look.
But your clumsiness is your saving grace. It’s always hilarious seeing you spill your coffee.
You are far too sensitive, moody, and whiny. Also, you are a sucker, but that’s a good thing because it means you believe in people's goodness. That’s ironic considering that so many Cancers are in prison.
4. Aries – Ram-Like Eyebrows, Will Laugh At Kids Falling
Apparently, there is a good reason your sign is the ram. Your eyebrows are ram-like. The fact that you have smug expressions doesn’t help either.
You will reach for your gun just to explain your philosophical points.
Aries folks think dumb mistakes are funny. A kid tripping will make you fall down in laughter, and a 35-year-old sucking their thumb will keep you laughing for days.
Ironically, you can’t take it when someone points out you have done the wrong thing. You are also famous for making life-changing decisions at a young age, often with hilarious and saddening results.
5. Libra – Perfectionist With A Taste For Ethnic Foods And Making Drunken Arguments
Nobody likes perfection like you do, although nobody feels as incomplete as you do. Your desire for perfection can inspire an unhealthy dose of nausea.
Mix that with your indecisiveness, love for ethnic foods, and use of quotes, you become more than a little intolerable. You are better at explaining your ideas when drunk, and reality is a bit hard for you to understand.
You probably have messy finances because, in your mind, you already think you are living the perfect dream.
6. Aquarius – Hates Laughing, But Makes Hilarious Mistakes
It’s like you are allergic to fun. In fact, you HATE laughing.
But whenever someone needs someone to feel miserable, guilty, or angry, you always come through. You simply don’t give a s**t about anyone.
An Aquarius probably invented the condescending eye-roll.
You are also a great liar and amazingly self-sufficient. But you make lots of stupid mistakes. Fortunately, just like your mistakes, your accomplishments can be mind-blowing.
7. Capricorn – Spineless, Feels Safest In A Monastery
You are a tough nut to crack. Ironically, you try to be funny with your super dry sense of humor.
Try to loosen up a little and stop taking yourself too seriously. Learn to take risks.
Your seriousness makes you look spineless. Given your unique personality, your ideal place of work is a monastery.
8. Taurus – Dirty Offensive Jokes, Voracious Like A Bull
You know too many dirty jokes, it’s almost embarrassing. But you make up for it by being materialistic and lazy. Maybe not lazy, per se, you are mostly a relaxed worker.
Like your bull star-sign, you are often voracious and stubborn. A few people consider you a total a-hole. It’s a good thing you have a sense of humor.
9. Gemini – Funny Cars, Hitting Things With Funny Cars
People love Geminis. Why wouldn’t they? After all, everyone loves unstable people with mental issues.
Their cars are funny, and they make them funnier by driving them into stuff. They will argue with kids, and mooning people is a go-to joke for them. You will even argue with yourself and lash out.
Geminis like to explain philosophical concepts they hardly understand with theories that make no sense. Their medicine cabinets are always fully loaded, and they make themselves heard by speaking loudly.
10. Leo – Pictures Of Yourself On The Wall, Scared Of Humility
You kiss yourself in mirrors, and you will even interrupt yourself while talking in a bid to outdo your insatiable desire for attention.
Unless the entire town is crazy about your birthday party, it’s not good enough.
But your ability to irritate is incredible, which is why necrophilia is probably an appealing proposition for you.
You want everything, as long as it gets you attention. You can turn gay just for the attention, and you find nothing as mortifying as humility.
While your peers were hanging pictures of celebrities on their walls, you had already put up more than a few of yourself.
11. Virgo – Cleans Everything With A Toothbrush, Quick Temper
You like to color-coordinate everything, including your food! No wonder you are such a pain in the ass.
Your favorite cleaning appliance is a toothbrush, and you think if you look closely enough, you can see the germs.
People have to walk on eggshells around you because you are so easy to piss off.
12. Scorpio – Smoking In The Shower, Eating Coffee
Are you a hacker? If you are a Scorpio, then there is a good chance you are one. You also treat Star Trek like a documentary.
Most people like their coffee black, and so do you. but while everyone prefers it in a cup, while you eat it off a spoon.
You take life very, very seriously, and you like to smoke in the shower. But you also like sex, and that gives you another opportunity to smoke.
What do you think?
Are you happy with your zodiac sign description? Probably not. But there’s nothing wrong with laughing at yourself once in a while. Unless, of course, you are Capricorn.