“You’re the first person who broke my heart and it could not be repaired. For the rest of my life, you will always be the one who hurt me the most. Don’t forget that”
*SPOLIER ALERT – DON’T READ THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE READ MY BOOK*
So many of you have been asking if there will be a sequel to COAMM. I would like to let you all know that I am currently working on this. I will be sharing small snippets from the current works, these will not be full confessions and won’t necessarily be in order like the last, this next book is something that will shock a number of you. Please be patient as I get this underway and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for helping to get me this far! So many exciting things to come.
Confessions Of A Millionaire’s Mistress – Hard Copy Australia:
For months I have been trying to muster up the courage, strength and of course the desire to write about a time in my life that I would much rather forget than ever open up again. When I started writing my confessions I never expected that so many people would want to read them and that it would be published into a book let alone that people would still be emailing me about what happened next. I won’t lie, singing publishing my book I have definitely suffered emotionally. There were a number of things I wanted to publish that I wasn’t able to or that didn’t quite make the cut for the final book but now…I am going to put them out there for you all. I started this journey alone and I think now that I am finally in a position both emotionally and literally to post my own content at the pace that I want to, I will be starting to post more regularly again and once again will publish another book. Over the last year I have been in and out of hospital, been through surgery, break downs, huge highs and incredibly low lows. These are all things that I will be posting about, walking you through and definitely drawing back to basics, I will never forget where I have come from and my recent bout of sickness has definitely told me what I need to know. Since the release of my book I have copped copious amounts of abuse and praise. I have always understood with one comes the other but what I never expected was how it would all make me feel. So many of you are wondering what has happened between Hugh and I, where we are now and what obstacles we faced after I caught him cheating…well you’re about to find out. Since the end of my book and the last few confessions I have been to hell and back, I have learned so many lessons, come face to face with Hayley and lost some things so precious in my life that I never thought I would be able to pick myself back up again. I have lived in a personal hell for so long that I now know its time to share my life with you all again. Here it is, in my words and back to basics. These are the true “Confessions of a Millionaire’s Mistress”, this is the story of MY life… 2.0
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#COAMMPLAYLIST – Heaven Help My Heart – Tina Arena
Something that I hadn’t been able to put in the book was well and truly before Hugh returned but after I had seen the photos and messages on his phone. After I walked back into the bedroom, completely and utterly disgusted in the human being that I had been sleeping next to only a few hours earlier I realised it wasn’t him that I was actually angry with. I know that sounds stupid but I was actually more pissed off and disgusted in myself. I once again had allowed a man to get close enough to destroy me. I had done it so many times before but this time seemed like it was truly going to fuck me up. I had let Hugh into places that I had never let others venture into before. I had allowed him to consume my heart. Something about that made it so much more painful and soul destroying. I had always expected that he would destroy me in some way but for some reason, No I can’t even say that I hadn’t expected that he would cheat on me. I guess I was more pissed off with the fact that things had started to change between us. For some reason it felt like because he was opening his heart and life to me that things were so different. I knew they had been different, he had never been that open with me before but now that meant absolutely nothing. He had done the one thing I had deep down assumed he was probably doing, I don’t know if I had put it out there in the universe or if it was just my Karma but either way I knew my past had prepared me for it, even when I really didn’t want to believe he was capable of it. The stupid thing was that after I found out and started to build the wall again, I also started blaming myself, with each brick that was placed in the emotional wall I started to talk myself into believing that it was all my fault, that I deserved it and that I should just forgive him and move on because I didn’t deserve any better. It may be hard to believe but after everything that I have been through with men in my life that is honestly how I felt. I was ready to sweep it under the rug and risk my sanity just to keep some resemblance of peace and happiness around. Then would come the split seconds where the rage and disgust would kick back in and I would instantly tell myself what an idiot I was for even thinking that.
I sat on the bed completely torn between someone I loved with my entire heart and soul and wanting to pull a Lorena Bobbit but I knew that I wasn’t a violent person no matter how much pain I was in. I have always been the extremely strong-willed independent person but when it came to Hugh, I was as submissive as it got…well so I’ve been told, I’m only just starting to pick that up now. To save myself from making a mistake I decided to get some fresh air. The moment my feet hit the ground and I stood up from the bed I felt a wave of horrible pain engulf me as the images flashed across my mind the moment I blinked. I burst into tears and opened my eyes to find the balcony from the bedroom only feet away. I looked out from the penthouse apartment at how far away the closest buildings were, wondered how far the drop was and begged my grandfather in heaven to stop the pain from consuming me. I won’t say I didn’t contemplate jumping but always knew that I wouldn’t actually do it. The pain I was experiencing was definitely excruciating and bringing up so many issues that I had buried, forgotten or chose to ignore but I definitely wouldn’t have committed suicide over something like that. I definitely had too much strength within to let him get the better of me. I almost didn’t want to share that piece of information but promised the truth to myself a long time ago. As I made my way towards the balcony I called a friend of mine who was dating someone that Hugh knew and she was also a client. We will call her Elisa.
I opened the door and walked through it as I heard Elisa’s voice.
“Hey Ava, What’s up chicky?”
“Hey…” I responded with a dry throat and trying to sound as normal as possible. I have always hated it when someone calls you when they are in need and instantly you cannot understand a word they are saying other than the odd word between the sobbing, that and I was petrified about what she was going to say as she had warned me off him years earlier.
“Ava, what’s wrong?” Nothing was getting past her, she knew me way too well!
“Don’t lie to me, don’t tell me you’re okay. What’s wrong?”
“Elisa, He’s been cheating on me…”
“What the fuck happened?” she almost barked the question down the phone. Without explanation she knew exactly who I was talking about and it was almost like she had expected it. I instantly burst into tears as I knew I had to tell someone but what I still had no idea how exactly I was going to form the words that I knew would make everything so true.