We all have done something in the past for which we are sorry. Yet, these mistakes seem to have a firm hold on us. There are days we simply cannot get past the self-blame, the guilt, and the constant hurt. We have had a difficult time accepting our mistakes for which we have suffered. Now, when we know it is time to move on, something holds us back.
Fighting For Release
Our failures, toxic patterns, and destructive relationships haunt us. Because of past hurts and failures, we have built walls against people and situations in which we could encounter similar hurts and disappointments. We anticipate trouble because we have experienced trauma. Trauma scars us and fuels that urge or reflex to protect our mind and heart from similar painful experiences.
However, once we start healing and realize one day that we have finally healed, we experience some anxiety and fear. We fear to let go of our defenses because we fear getting hurt again. Then our guilt and self-blame come back rushing. It gets overwhelming because we remember the feelings of hurt and disappointment. It’s like going through the same things again.
Having Unmet Needs
We all need to be loved and to belong. Before anything, we need to feel secure and safe in our own skin and relationships. After we are satisfied with our vulnerabilities and emotional needs, we want someone to fulfill these needs. We are social and emotional creatures, after all.
In an ideal world, people would be naturally generous and sensitive to our needs because of empathy. But in the real world, most people’s emotional needs remain unmet. We all have our struggles and difficulties.
It really hurts when our call for attention and love is intentionally ignored. The real tragedy is when people whom we learn to trust are unworthy, not reliable, narcissistic, and abusive.
The Need To Protect Oneself
Because of our unmet emotional needs, we became antagonistic or closed off to someone’s genuine love and concern. Our defenses went up to our heads. But instead of protecting us, logic and apathy keep us from receiving love and emotional support from family and real friends.
When we have healed, we learn to forgive ourselves for holding on to destructive beliefs and patterns that keep us from growing and receiving love. We forgive ourselves for our childhood traumas, for which no one bothered to comfort or offer us guidance or an explanation. As we mature, we still carry so many wounds and scars past the point and opportunity for healing. We become a burden to others, hurting people we love, and getting hurt in return.
The Need To Heal And Move On
We expect people who hurt and damaged us to save us. But that is not the point and they are not the right people to ask for help and release from. It is up to us to heal and get past old wounds. Once we recognize our need to heal and accept our anger and frustrations, we will feel empowered and get an idea of how to move in the right direction.
We can move all over the place and be with all the wrong people in our deep need for love and healing. At the end of the day, we all need to stop wandering and look into ourselves for the answers to our questions.