Parenthood can make you question a lot of things, and it can expose you to very diverse experiences as well.
Your kid will regularly run up to you and hand you something and you will hold on to it.
But deep down, you hold a lot more. You have concerns about this child's future and how they will turn out when they are older. As a mother, you hold all these deep issues within you.
So, is being a woman all about holding things?
You have to hold your family's affairs. This includes the birthday parties, the doctor's appointments, the hectic morning schedule as everyone gets ready for school and work, and so on.
And you have to hold things about yourself as well. After all, you have emotions, widely fluctuating moods, and even the financial concerns of your family and so forth.
Worst of all, you never ask for help, because you can see how much everyone else is holding within themselves. You even consider yourself lucky because you know women who are holding a lot more than you do. You console yourself in the fact that things could be much worse.
But still, you feel stretched to the limit.
I understand that I chose to be a wife, a mother, a friend, and everything else.
Social media makes me believe that I could be doing more. Busier moms seem to be doing much more, while still managing to take great family vacations from time to time.
But I worry when I see my daughter and all her innocence and joy about life. Will she be in my shoes someday?
Will the adult demands placed on her dim her brightness? That is a heartbreaking thought.
What I would like her to know is that it's okay to take a break once in a while by setting her loads down.
She should be in a position to say she needs help, to say no when necessary.
I have given some thought to the idea of self-care. Some people are opposed to the idea as well. To my mind, I believe self-care is about being real and knowing when it's the right time to hold and when it's appropriate to let go.
I know it has to start with me. So, I have made some changes in my life.
I have delegated some of the things I did myself. I am not out of the woods yet, but I feel like I am having some breathing space now.
It feels nice to delegate some of my responsibilities.
But in my newfound freedom, I am also feeling some guilt. However, I understand that I don't have to hold to everything. For instance, I can give that volunteering opportunity a pass because I am busy organizing a vacation for the family.
At my daughter's age, I was full of hopes and dreams. But today, I am buried beneath an avalanche of responsibilities.
So, whenever a chance to let go of something I have been holding on to comes along, I am glad to let it go. And it's because I am always holding too much.