Kim Kardashian is famous for many things, including the shocking marriage to Kris Humphries that ended in divorce 72 days later. Among other things, such heartbreaking love stories remind us that sometimes, the prey is not always worth the chase.
This sort of whirlwind romance is known as fatuous love. And it's something you should learn to avoid if you want joy and happiness in your love life.
Obviously, things could have been much worse for the popular celebrity. In case you didn't know, there is something called empty love. This is a "life" trap devoid of passion and intimacy but with enough commitment to last a lifetime. This is where joyless marriages fall under.
But for now, let's have a closer look at fatuous love and what it's all about.
According to Sternberg, a respected authority in these matters, love consists of passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion refers to the physical attraction the couple shares. Intimacy is all about a couple's deep feelings, while commitment is the decision to stick it out no matter what.
When one of these three elements is missing, then that love is incomplete in one way or another.
Fatuous love has passion and commitment, but no intimacy. To be honest, the commitment is not usually up to par either. This is why you sometimes hear that two people have met for only a few days and a few days later, they are married.
It was the kind of marriage that was created in the heat of the moment.
There was no time to share ideas, know each other, or develop an intimate bond that usually holds loving couples together. Usually, the partners are attracted to each other for one reason or another, and they immediately decide to latch onto each other.
You should avoid this kind of love at all costs, and here's why.
It's Likely To End Badly
I mean, just look at how Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries ended up. It did not take long after the forever ever after vows for the two lovebirds to realize that they were not meant to be.
The passion got them into the marriage. But lack of intimacy rocked the boat and resulted in the end of the marriage.
Intimacy is a very important ingredient in romantic relationships. You would have a better chance of enjoying your love without passion or commitment. But without intimacy, there is practically no reason to stay together, especially if the passion fades as well.
Ultimately, fatuous love rides on nothing but passion. The physical attraction has to endure for this relationship to last.
And let's face it, that does not usually happen. There will be times you don't find your partner very attractive because of something they have done or the issues you are dealing with yourself.
If that passion is the sole basis of your commitment, you will immediately realize that you don't belong in that relationship. Consequently, you will try to find a way to break the commitment.
This explains why many whirlwind marriages end as abruptly as they were created. They were based on fatuous love, and when the intense physical attraction ended, those involved start wondering what they were thinking about when they got into the relationship.
Fatuous Love Is Born From A Point Of Insecurity
The only reason you would want to marry or commit to someone as soon as you have met them is that you have some deep insecurities yourself. If not, one of you has an ulterior motive.
Some people are looking for an opportunity to reap the financial rewards of marrying a rich person. So, as soon as the chance presents itself, they get head over heels with them. Then they jump into a lasting commitment before they even know the person's last name.
The feeling is that if the chance is lost, it may never come again a second time.
So, if you were always dreaming about marrying a rich or famous person since you were young, and one got attracted to you, you can breeze past many important dating stages and tie the knot with this person out of fear that your golden chance might be gone as fast as it appeared.
Needless to say, that is a very unhealthy way to start a relationship.
By the time you wrap your head around the fact that a beloved and popular person can actually be a really shitty partner, you will probably be a week or two into your marriage wishing you could turn back the time and make a better decision.
Shotgun weddings are almost always never going to last long. That is why people who tend to marry in this version usually go through more than a few divorces in their lives.
You Can Do Better Than Fatuous Love, Much Better
If you want love in your life, then you can definitely do better than fatuous love. Much better.
Your options include romantic love, which is full of intimacy and passion, although it might not have any commitments. In this kind of relationship, you can enjoy each other's company and get very intimate, which is very rewarding.
And if fortune is on your side, romantic love can turn into something more solid through a commitment.
That would turn it into consummate love, which has passion, intimacy, and even commitment. We call this ideal or perfect love because the passion never dies like in fatuous love.
You remain close to each other because you are intimate and share your closest desires and concerns. To be honest, you will be like best friends who are also lovers. And there are few things more beautiful than that in this life.
The commitment in this kind of love ensures you feel secure in your union and that you always have a close friend and confidant you can always count on no matter what.
When we say we have found the one or our soulmate, this is the kind of love we are usually talking about.
So, forget about fatuous love.
Love that consists only of passion and commitment is a disaster waiting to happen. Passion is the fire that keeps the love burning, but when it fades, only intimacy can make the relationship worth preserving.
Fatuous love is impulsive. And it never lasts long. It's confusing and often detrimental. And if it actually works out, the partners can only thank their lucky stars and not the effort they themselves made.