If there was one word to describe everything I'm going through right now, it'd be "enough." Enough of all the temporary flings, here today and gone tomorrow. Enough of the endless amounts of beginnings and fresh starts. I'm tired of it all.
Being "tired" may be an understatement. Drained? Worn out? Yeah, that's more like it. I want to be awakened every morning to a feeling of assurance. Confidence that no matter who or what turns against me, and no matter how life spins around, I'd still have that one special someone beside me through it all. How amazing it will be to know deep down to your core that no matter what happens, there's one person you're not going to lose. You turn around during those amazing days, and they're there, look again during the "difficult to take" moments, and there they are, positioned firm and rooted, ready to lend a hand.
In today's world of non-stop running around, I want someone I can slow down time with. A person who seems to put time on hold. I want hours and hours to feel like nothing but insignificant fractions of time sweeping by. Holding hands as we walk past the chilly breeze of the sea at night. Lying down in the sand staring into a sky lit with stars without giving a f*ck about anything happening around us. That's all I want. Is that too much to ask for?
Certainly, things won't be pretty all the time. It will be unreal not to admit that there will be situations that may be not comfortable. Situations may arise that question our strength, no doubt, but together we'll weather the storm and grow even stronger knowing the things we have overcome. After all, where's the spice in life without challenges?
I want to feel like a priority. Not just a character to blow time with. Something I can actually believe in, sustain and hold on to. Enough of all the games. The days of undermining my worth, and settling for less are put behind me. For so long I've been saying to myself, "you'll get by," " it's not great, but it's what you've got now," "stop complaining." No, I don't want to just get by anymore. I want to live. Live life to the fullest, showing me the highest level of self-respect that I possibly can.
Right this moment I'm not accepting anything less than a hundred percent in my life. It either be whole, or I do not want it at all. None of it. I'm at a point in my life where it's all long-term now. Ready for another person's life to be intertwined with mine, and mine with theirs. Making joint plans, planning trips, making investments, getting better as one. Being pushed to go beyond what I believe possible for myself, and me setting their ambitions on fire as well. No more starting over.
If I could turn back the hands of time, I wouldn't. My experiences have been valuable to me. They have groomed me into the person I have become today. I'm grateful for all that, but from this moment on, I refuse to relive any part of it anymore. I deserve better.