When a relationship ends, women usually cry, talk to friends and eventually move on. However, men don't do that - a recent study has shown that men actually suffer more after a breakup than women. But why does it seem like they move on so quickly? Instead of facing their feelings and dealing with the breakup, men try to hide their emotions by jumping into new relationships or rebounds. In other words, it's all a facade. Trust me, he's hurting more than you think.
1. Guys Don't Quite Get Over It
Most men don't deal with breakups in the same way as women. They don't have a mourning period, instead they usually feel anger or confusion. It's their default coping mechanism for dealing with uncomfortable situations. While you are moving on, he's trying to avoid the situation altogether.
2. There's Never Any Resolution
You cry, reflect on what went wrong, and talk to friends. He avoids this, not finding closure and instead, quickly moving on to another relationship. He does move on faster, it's not just in your head.
3. He Keeps His Emotions In Check
From a young age, boys are taught that expressing emotions is not acceptable. They are encouraged to keep their feelings to themselves. While I do not find a man who cries easily to be attractive, I appreciate a man who is not afraid to show his emotions. Holding everything inside is not healthy for anyone.
4. He's Supposed To Get Under Someone Immediately
Rebounds are common for both men and women, but it seems like a societal expectation for men. His friends may pressure him to move on by quickly getting into a new relationship. They may believe that the best way to overcome a breakup is through casual sex with someone new, but in reality, it's not an effective solution.
5. Every Loss Just Piles Up
Avoiding the pain of a breakup does not make it disappear. Every breakup adds more pain, so when a couple breaks up, it is just more weight on their shoulders. You shouldn't feel guilty, but it might bring you comfort knowing that you're not the only one who has been impacted significantly.
6. Guys Are Often The Ones Getting Dumped.
Women are skilled at ending relationships. Men do it too, but women tend to do it more often. Think about how you feel when you are dumped - it is painful and can be a blow to your self-esteem. Usually, the person who is dumped has a harder time coping with the breakup. And it's even worse if the breakup is not handled properly.
7. He Believes It's All His Fault
Men have a tendency to blame themselves for a failed relationship. Even if he puts the blame on you, he's internally questioning what he did to cause the breakup. This constant self-reflection makes him feel terrible.
8. There's Little Post-Breakup Support
How often do you hear men discussing their feelings, their sadness and regrets about a failed relationship? Rarely, if ever. Men do not have the same kind of support system as women. It is unfortunate but true.
9. He'll Just Keep Making The Same Mistakes
As he is not processing the end of the relationship, he is not gaining any insight or growth from it. This means that he will likely repeat the same mistakes. He will not learn until someone else takes pity on him and gives him advice on how to improve. It seems that the suffering will continue.
10. Guys Sometimes Lose More Friends Post-Breakup
Women tend to excel in building strong friendships. However, this can be a disadvantage for men. In an effort to distance themselves from the relationship, men may attempt to maintain friendships with mutual friends. However, this means not only losing the relationship but also losing their friends.
11. Millennial-Aged Guys Feel More Strongly
While male emotions still aren't super accepted, millennial-aged guys tend to allow themselves to feel more strongly and openly than past generations. It only serves to reason this makes them hurt more.
While it's definitely not a competition for who can be more miserable, it is a small comfort to know that a guy is suffering after things end just like you are. It makes you feel a little less alone and also confirms to you that what you had with him was real and your feelings weren't all one-sided.
How A Guy Attempts To Get Over A Breakup
1. He Turns Into A Party Animal
Instead of facing and processing his emotions, he pretends to be fine and fills his social calendar to avoid being alone with his thoughts. He is likely to be found drinking and partying most nights of the week, trying to stay busy and have fun, rather than addressing the fact that his heart is broken.
2. He Tries To Get Back Together
In the beginning of a breakup, he may try to reconcile before fully accepting the end of the relationship. This is especially true if you were the one who initiated the split and he was against it. As he has not fully come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over, he may believe that the issues between you two can be fixed and a second chance is worth it. However, when he is told that the decision is final and you want to move on, it may lead to unpleasantness.
3. He Realizes Things Aren't Fine And He's Actually Pretty Angry/Upset
Eventually, every guy will have to face the fact that the relationship is over and he's not coping well with it. He may become angry or sad, feeling like he's losing control. At this point, his behavior may be unpredictable, which can be scary for the other person.
4. He Might Get Petty And Try To Get Revenge
If a guy lacks healthy coping mechanisms and the breakup was not his idea, this can be a period where things can become hostile. A person without emotional intelligence may try to seek revenge by speaking poorly of his ex to friends or even, in extreme cases, by sharing private or intimate materials (revenge porn) online. "When some men are dumped, their first reaction can be anger. Sometimes this leads to airing private matters (texts/photos) on social media, sometimes it leads to more destructive and unacceptable behavior," warns dating coach Eric Resnick. It is important to hope that your ex is more mature and handles the situation differently.
5. He Tries To Rebound
When he's grown tired of seeking revenge on his ex, he may turn to rebound relationships with other women. The idea is that the best way to get over someone is to be with someone new. This is not always true, but it's a common thought. He may believe that being single means he can indulge in promiscuity, sleeping with many women as a form of retaliation, or that hooking up will distract him from his emotions and focus on physical pleasure. This mindset is misguided, but it's common for men to go through this phase.
6. He Shuts Down
Some guys who don't have healthy coping mechanisms will deal with a breakup by shutting down emotionally. If he was deeply hurt by the relationship, he may swear off love and refuse to enter another relationship again. This can manifest in two ways: He may avoid dating altogether or he may date around but refuse commitment and hurt others as he has become a nihilist.
7. He Eventually Moves On
It generally takes men longer to process and get over a breakup than it does women. However, there's a chance that he may have avoided dealing with the emotions and appears to have moved on but in reality, he hasn't. In any case, there will come a time when he is truly finished with the relationship and ready to move on. Hopefully, he has learned valuable lessons that will make him a better partner in future relationships.