I mean it! You might think my headline was joking. But our pal Colin has played a lot of parts in his life, there’s plenty to go around.
Also jokes aside we’re all icons and we all deserve the best. Period. No bars held. Yes, that includes you, internet naysayers and insecure teens. You too!
It happens to the best of us.
You can be madly in love. Like, we’re talking head over heels here. But no one is immune to causing the ‘oh that hurt’ face in another person. It doesn’t mean you love them any less, or that they are any less your Person. Necessarily. I mean, as always, take my advice with a pinch of salt and an appreciation for the sensitivities of the situation.
But yes, you might find yourself sat in the corner of the playroom wondering if it’s meant to hurt this much when the person you love has inadvertently hurt you. It happens. And you need to learn the golden rule about relationships in order to get through it. Communication!
Are you insecure about your legs? Does your partner know that? Does that stop them poking good natured fun at them every now and then? If the answer to any of that is ‘no’, then it’s well worth a conversation with your partner to clarify this. While it may be in poor taste on their end, it’s easily remedied if you communicate that the jokes aren’t quite landing or if it’s making you uncomfortable. There’s nothing wrong with that. Honestly, there isn’t. They might be a little embarrassed or put out that they didn’t realise your pressure points earlier, but in the long run it’s only good news. Not only will you now know each other that bit more intimately, but you will also be able to spot when the other one is hurting a little easier.
The thing with cheaters is that we have to teach them that what they do.
While it may occasionally have reasons and excuses that track – can’t be sustained. It’s not right. End the relationship and pursue your new love if you must, but don’t string along a relationship because it will end up hurting more parties than it should. Maybe it’s because we’re all taught that we’re the worst person in the room and that because – finally – one person loves us despite all our flaws, we believe that we have to love them above and beyond their toxic behaviour. That’s not how it works. You don’t owe anyone anything.
The right guy – who will treat you the way you deserve – is out there for you. There’s no reason you should pressure yourself or push for what you aren’t ready for. Don’t worry about what other people are doing around you – they don’t matter.
Seriously, it’s your life that you need to live – not theirs. You can’t judge your success on their terms, or constantly be comparing yourself to them, because then you can never win. Or feel satisfied. That will be because you are living your life by other people’s timelines and stressing yourself needlessly over something over which you have little control. Emotions and the heart are liable at any given moment in time to doing whatever the hell they want. Therefore, it stands to reason that we are sort of wasting our time with trying to fit into someone else’s template.
Emotional distance means that you aren’t truly comfortable with the other person in your relationship.
Maybe you aren’t even comfortable with yourself yet. Therefore, prioritising yourself and working on your own needs can be achieved through putting yourself first in a relationship. Either ending a toxic one, or pursing people who will prioritise you above everything else. You deserve the best.
Remember Colin from the 2000s classic romcom Bridget Jones’ Diary?
I love you Bridget. Just as you are.
Bruno Mars, eat your heart out.
PS: be patient and be yourself and stop caring what other people think.
You will be so much happier and more forgiving of yourself. Let yourself make mistakes and learn from them.
Your Colin is out there. Just look at his listed bibliography. There is a suave British chap just waiting in the wings to sweep you of your feet.