I’m being serious here, listen to the wisdom flow from my mouth.
You are worth all the love in the world. Your time is now. Your time is also in the future.
You are so young now, you don’t even realise it. Trust your instincts. Know your worth. Think about what you actually want in this world. That’s a huge question, I know. So give it some thought and prioritise yourself.
I’ll say it louder for y’all at the back.
You. Are. Worthy. Of. Love. Period.
We’ve all been there. Where we’re feeling down, dejected or decidedly unsuccessful. Particularly when we perceive that the people around us are more successful or better in relationships than we are. You catch yourself glowering at Michael and Rebecca from work as they hold hands in the break room. Suddenly you feel like the old spinster or ugly step-mother in a Disney film.
But also, sometimes we need time alone and to feel down to realise what it is that we actually want. In life and in relationships. Sometimes being in a rut can mean that you need some ‘me time’ for a weekend. Sometimes you fall into a trapdoor of despair and it can feel impossible to see any light.
Remember that you have people around who care about you.
Whatever happens, your life has meaning and you are valid. Remember, finally, that self-love is the hardest thing we ever have to do. You aren’t a failure.
But as you rewatch an ungodly amount of wholesome noughties feel good television and consume an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s it will occur to you that you don’t want to feel sad and alone. You might be single, but it doesn’t mean you have to be sad or pitiful (not, of course, that watching Gilmore Girls constitutes being pathetic, that would be sacrilege).
We all want to feel like we should be able to cut it alone, but that’s easier said than done. It’s our natural instinct to band together and form communities around adversity. But not always. Sometimes, it’s the lone wolves that, through necessity, grow stronger and more resilient than the pack wolves with a soft underbelly.
So, don’t put more pressure on yourself! A watched pot never boils, nor does a watched love-life bloom under scrutiny.
While you wait, figure out more about who you are. And fill your life with things you enjoy. By engaging in your hobbies and going to classes you might put yourself in range with like-minded individuals. And if not, you’re having fun, de-stressing, and getting out of the flat. Winner winner, chicken dinner.
Put on an ABBA soundtrack and dance around in your underwear with a glass of wine – alter the album and alcohol to your taste, and it’s worth checking the apartment is empty before you strip off. However, after these checks, there is something truly liberating about leaping around with reckless abandon, shouting out the lyrics to a song you forgot you knew the lyrics to, and literally stripping back the layers of stress around you. Yes, having a significant other is great and emotionally satisfying, but you can still have great fun single.
Not only that, but you can engage with your own needs and realise that you don’t have to exist just as a half of a relationship, or player in a group dynamic. When you give yourself the credit of being a whole human being, you recognise that you have needs, and that you also have the means to satisfy them.
It is a fact universally known that the cruellest and most vicious person you will ever experience, is yourself.
Therefore, it stands to reason that so long as you can stand your own company (or even enjoy it!), who is there left to impress? The long and short of it? You are the most important person to yourself. Treat yourself as such, get to know yourself. Love yourself.
Even while you’re enjoying all this me-time, it’s also totally valid to want love. And to be loved. It’s human instinct, pure and simple. Nothing we should feel ashamed about.
You give love and affection out everyday, you deserve to get the same back. That’s another thing that we as a society have to unlearn is the principle of generosity, in material and emotional terms. We know to offer gifts and monetary gestures every now and then in a relationship to ensure that it is equitable and fair, but the same often isn’t said of emotional gestures. Often, one person is more invested in a relationship than the other, that is to say, one person is more willing to prioritise their time, money, resources and emotions, while the other doesn’t quite appreciate these sacrifices and the toll it takes.
A basic human right is to get back what you give out, and that is essential in order to cultivate healthy and sustainable relationships.
We often let it slide because we may not view our time as being as worthy as another person’s, even though we go above and beyond for them. It’s only right that we receive the love that we put out into the world, because if we didn’t, we would run out of love to give. Melodramatic, I know.
Therefore, you shouldn’t rush into a relationship and delude yourself into thinking that everything is rose-tinted and perfect if it isn’t. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for. There is an eternally relevant quote from The Perks of Being a Wallflower that we accept the love we think we deserve. Damning, but not incorrect.
Think about that for a moment. And don’t settle.
There is always a pressure to conform to some invisible social timeline. When to have sex for the first time, or move in together. Or when to get married or have kids. Don’t listen to the nonsense around you. Think about what you want. it’s okay to not want any of that! Friends can be soul mates platonically just as much as lovers can be. So think, think, think!
We all crave what seems impossible. But I promise you, love isn’t impossible. And you will have it. If you look around yourself now you will also find that you’re surrounded by it.
Don’t forget the power of family and friends and platonic soul mates when you’re thinking about what you want.
We always underestimate how many people are willing to do ridiculous things to get a smile from us.