Sometimes, people spend their lives looking for relationships because they don’t know how to replace their need for attention with something more internalized and self-sustaining.
We need to recognise our habits
That said, it’s not ‘morally better’ to avoid relationships altogether because you’re afraid you might get hurt. Don’t let fear rule you!
Maybe you need to leap, every now and then. But you can only jump off and take a risk when you’re on stable ground to start with.
Sex seems like the social holy grail sometimes. But, unless you’re Fox News, it’s not.
Getting engaged used to mean being husband and wife, seeing life as a couple, together. Now, it is just a matter of social security and the legally binding contract.
We are told to prioritize sex as our one major life event, rather than having a fulfilled relationship, where your mental health needs are met. Don’t rush intimacy issues.
If thinking about sex gives you panic attacks – that’s not just the nervous by-product of living life.
It’s a reason for caution
Sure, the time you got STI in San Francisco makes for a good story, but that’s all it is.
Firstly, sex means different things to different people, and in fact, isn’t a stable definition in itself.
For some, certain sexual acts or foreplay can constitute their valuation of sex, and for others, it’s different again. It’s so impractical to suggest that sex is the end-goal of a relationship.
Relationships with sex aren’t inherently more stable or loyal then those without it, and neither are ‘better’ than the other. They both have boundaries that need to be communicated and other intimacies to bridge.
Having sex isn’t the be-all and end-all. In fact, as is always the case, the first time will never be up to much. No matter the partner, just because it’s a new, strange concept.
The goal isn’t to amp up sex to something big and significant – ‘meaningless sex,’ or sex without commitment – is just the same bits and parts; what’s important is to feel comfortable with yourself.
With sex, everyone always gets more concerned with what other people are doing.
Only we know when we’re ready
The first point of consent involved with sex, is to ourselves, to our feelings.
But try to live on your own timeline. A committed relationship is more than just sexual consent. There is loads of time to have a marriage and family.
Have a few rough goes at a dating app, or even research planned parenthood to know all your options. Rushing into things means you will end up with a partner who might represent your sexual desires but won’t be interested in taking care of your healthcare.
You can’t succeed by other people’s terms, anyway.