Doing All The Work In Your Relationship Will Only End With You Exhausted And Alone


If you're attempting to rescue your relationship alone, halt your efforts. You're setting yourself up for failure if your partner is not equally invested in the relationship. Trust me, I learned this from personal experience.

1. Relationships Only Work If There's Equal Effort By Both People In It

You might believe that your utmost effort will result in the ideal boyfriend. However, I must inform you that it doesn't work that way. In my experience, a man must independently decide to commit to a relationship with you. It cannot be forced or compelled. You can encourage or incentivize certain behaviors, but ultimately, he must take that step on his own.


2. You Should Be Putting Your Energy Into Something That's Truly Beneficial

Visit the gym, work on your resume, or cook a meal for yourself and a friend. When you feel compelled to do more than necessary to fix your relationship, redirect that energy back to yourself. Don't give everything away just yet!

3. If You Do All The Work, He Simply Won't Try

When you were in school, you may have encountered the classic group project problem of one person doing all the work while the others slack off. This situation may not be pleasant, but it can actually build character in relationships. Many men don't step up unless they're asked to, so it's important to set high standards and make it clear that you expect him to contribute equally.


4. It's Hard To Hold Someone Accountable For Actions You Never Demanded Anything Of Them

It's common for women to feel frustrated when their partner fails to meet their unspoken expectations. However, it's unfair to hold someone accountable for something they didn't know was expected of them. Instead, use your voice and communicate your needs and wants clearly. This not only helps prevent misunderstandings, but also provides a basis for holding your partner accountable if they fail to follow through.


5. If You Do All The Work, You Might Think There Is Progress And There Really Isn't

It's easy for women to fall into the trap of doing all the work in a relationship. However, this often leads to disappointment when their partner fails to contribute equally. As someone who has made this mistake before, I know firsthand the importance of setting expectations and not taking on too much. By working together and dividing responsibilities equally, both partners can contribute to the success of the relationship.


6. The Guy Should Always Put In A Little Bit More Effort Than The Girl

It might be a controversial opinion, but based on my personal experience, women tend to be more consistent when it comes to putting effort into a relationship. On the other hand, men can be unpredictable, going from constantly messaging to suddenly disappearing for days. To determine if a guy is making an effort, I evaluate his behavior. If he matches my effort level or exceeds it, I'm content. Otherwise, there could be a problem.


7. Bending Over Backward Isn't Healthy For You

Engaging in mental and emotional gymnastics with your partner is extremely unhealthy. Firstly, you likely have many other important priorities and goals to focus on in your life. Ensuring that another independent adult is fulfilling their role in the relationship should not be your responsibility. You are not their caregiver or supervisor.


8. You Don't Get Extra Credit For Making Your Relationship Work

Putting in extra effort often results in extra credit or recognition in various areas of life. For instance, people acknowledge your hard work and you receive a bonus or a higher grade. However, this does not apply to your romantic life. There is no grading system or evaluation to reward your extra effort. Your effort goes unnoticed, and no one is keeping track of it. If you are an overachiever in other aspects of your life, you may need to adjust your mindset so that you don't get taken advantage of in your personal life.


9. There's Something To Be Said About Letting Things Happen Organically

I have a tendency to rush through the early stages of a relationship, eager to get to the good parts. However, I've learned that this approach can be very harmful. In my current relationship, I've made a conscious effort to let things unfold naturally. This has made our relationship feel much more stable and secure, even though the process wasn't always easy. There were times when my partner seemed distant and uncommitted, while I was eager to dive in headfirst. The ups and downs were exhausting, but giving ourselves the space and time to grow as a couple was ultimately the most important factor in building a strong relationship.