Have you ever come across a social media post or heard from a friend that your ex has married the girl he started dating immediately after your break-up? It can be quite shocking, especially if your ex had previously stated that they had no intention of ever getting married. But, it's important to recognize that this phenomenon is quite common, and it doesn't necessarily mean that the new woman is better than you. So, what's really happening here?
1. He tested the commitment waters with you
It's possible that your ex never wanted to get married initially, but being in a committed relationship with you might have changed his mind. Being with you might have sparked a desire to settle down, and you might have shown him that marriage isn't as bad as he thought it would be. Essentially, you may have planted the seed that led to his decision to marry someone else.
2. He learned from his mistakes
Going through the ups and downs of a serious relationship with you may have improved your ex's relationship skills. Your ex may have made mistakes and learned from them while dating you, which could have helped him become a better partner to the next girl. While it might seem frustrating or disappointing, it's actually a positive thing that you helped him grow and learn.
3. You helped him become a better man
When you first met your ex, he may have been living a wild lifestyle - partying all night, not saving any money, and lacking professional direction. However, you may have inspired him to make positive changes and helped him get his life in order. While it might have taken some pushing on your part, he eventually turned things around. As a result, it's unlikely that he would want to go back to his old lifestyle of flings after being with you.
4. Something was missing that he wanted
It's possible that your ex loved everything about you but had some specific desires that you couldn't fulfill - maybe he wished you were shorter, tidier, or a better baker, for example. He might have chosen his new partner because she had that "X-factor" that he was looking for. It's important to remember that we all have our own preferences and desires when it comes to a partner, and you might also have a list of things that your "ideal guy" would have that your ex didn't.
5. You weren't compatible for the long haul
It's possible that your ex had a long-term vision that didn't align with your career-focused lifestyle. Perhaps he wanted someone who would prioritize raising a family over career aspirations. Alternatively, maybe he's outdoorsy and wanted a partner who would enjoy camping and outdoor activities with him every weekend, while your idea of camping involves a 4-star hotel. In either case, his new partner might simply be a better fit for his long-term plans and goals.
6. Your relationship was too volatile
It's possible that neither of you are naturally combative, but for some reason, being together brought out the worst in each other. Your relationship might have become toxic, with frequent and intense fights. Perhaps his next relationship had less drama and fewer emotional extremes, making it more likely to be successful in the long term. It's important to recognize when a relationship isn't working and to learn from past experiences in order to build healthier relationships in the future.
7. His friends started settling down
Guys often mirror the behavior of their friends. If his group of friends is settling down, he might be inspired to do the same. Additionally, it's harder to navigate the single scene without a wingman. No one wants to be the creepy guy trolling the scene alone.
8. He got accustomed to not being alone
If you were in a long-term relationship with your ex, he might have become accustomed to being in a committed relationship. He might have romanticized his single life and thought it was better than it actually was, leading him to change his mind about being in a relationship. When his next partner came along, he might have been more willing to commit and "closed the deal."
9. His family didn't approve of you
Having a meddling and difficult mother-in-law can be detrimental to a relationship. This can be especially true if your ex is a mama's boy - if his mother didn't like you, he likely heard about it and it might have influenced his decision not to propose. Her disapproval could have been a factor in his reluctance to take the relationship to the next level.
10. Your family didn't like him
Similarly, if your ex didn't feel welcomed by your parents, it could have played a role in his decision not to commit. If your parents made him feel like he didn't belong or wasn't good enough for you, he might have been hesitant to sign up for a lifetime of feeling like he wasn't measuring up. The opinions of your family can be a significant factor in a person's decision to pursue a committed relationship.
11. He got to be "that age"
According to a research article by Danielle Brennan for Today, men typically don't consider marriage until their mid-20s. The article states that between ages 26 and 33, 90% of college graduates are ready for the next step and most likely to consider marriage. After age 33 or 34, the chances of committing start to diminish slightly, but until age 37, men remain good prospects.
12. He thought you would say no and/or eventually leave him
Just like women, men have insecurities too. It's possible that your ex thought you were out of his league and believed it was only a matter of time before you realized it. In hindsight, he may have been right about it.
13. Their sexual chemistry is stronger
Zara Barrie, in an article for Elite Daily, explains that we've all experienced overwhelming sexual attraction, which can feel like a drug and be addictive. She writes, "Sexual attraction feels chemical... It's a glorious high unparalleled to anything else in the entire universe. It's intoxicating."
14. He feels she's "The One"
It's widely believed that people get married because they've found their soulmate, but as we know, about half of marriages end in divorce. In the case of your ex, he may feel that his current partner is the one he was meant to be with, and it's possible that she is. However, it's also a statistical reality that the success of a marriage is a 50/50 chance.
15. So you could find your Mr. Right
A positive perspective on a failed relationship is realizing that the person wasn't right for you, and that's okay. In the future, you may even be grateful things ended the way they did. It's all about perspective.