Is independence attractive to men? It's a common question with a seemingly negative answer. Many men view independent women as inscrutable beings with nothing more than breasts. However, I don't believe we're that complicated, yet men often approach us with trepidation, afraid we'll lash out at chivalrous gestures. This couldn't be further from the truth. If men took the time to understand us better, they might discover the benefits of being with a strong, independent woman.
Do Men Like Independent Women?
In general, self-assured and confident men don't have issues dating independent women, in fact, they actively seek them out. These men value ambition, motivation, and celebrate their partner's successes. They also seek reciprocal relationships where they encourage each other to be the best versions of themselves.
Some men may not like independent women due to their own insecurities. In such cases, strong women may appear intimidating or emasculating. However, this is a problem that men need to address, and it's not the responsibility of independent women to fix it.
Things They Should Understand About Us
1. We don't mind help
Although we may not always admit it, we appreciate it when you lend us a hand. We don't expect you to take charge, but if we have a lot of bags to carry, offering to help is kind. It's also fine to hold the door open for us; we would do the same for you.
2. We don't need you, but we want you
It may seem blunt, but it's the truth. Nobody wants a clingy partner who can't function without them. Independent women can thrive without constant companionship, but that doesn't mean they don't value their partner. They understand that there's more to life than having a boyfriend and appreciate their significant other's presence in their lives.
3. We're still feminine
I once had a guy question why I wore a skirt, but being independent doesn't mean we're not feminine. We can still be girly and embrace our femininity. We might even shed a tear during a romantic movie, just like any other woman.
4. Sometimes we don't want to be so strong
Independent women enjoy taking care of themselves, but there are times when they would appreciate someone else taking the reins. We want someone who will listen to us, cook dinner, and lend a hand when we're feeling overwhelmed. If you show us that you're trustworthy and supportive, you'll see this vulnerable side of us.
5. We're strong, not bitchy
It's absurd that a man's strength is admired, while a woman's strength is often criticized as bitchy. Independent women are often labeled as strong, but that doesn't mean they deserve to be insulted. When others try to impose outdated gender roles on us, it's understandable if we get angry.
6. We value commitment
Commitment is highly valued in both friendships and relationships. We have no tolerance for any form of nonsense in our lives. If you deceive, betray, or show hesitation towards your commitment, we won't hesitate to walk away. We acknowledge that we deserve better than that.
7. We need to be alone, but it's nothing personal
It's regrettable that my past boyfriends couldn't understand this about me. If I went a couple of days without communicating with them, they assumed that something was amiss. It's important for us to have our own space and pursue our interests. It's not a reflection of our relationship with you, but rather an aspect of our personality.
8. We want a partner, not a caretaker
We seek a genuine partner who respects us as individuals. We don't require a man to take care of us, so if that's what you're searching for, look for a woman who plays the damsel in distress role. All we ask for is someone who sees us as an equal and treats us accordingly. If you can do that, you'll have our hearts.
9. We want respect, not flowers
Although receiving flowers is a thoughtful gesture, your respect is much more valuable to us. Earning the respect of the people we care about is significant. Being treated with respect means the world to us, and it's hard to overstate its importance. If you want to give us a compliment, begin with treating us respectfully.
10. Our careers are important
Independent women are highly career-oriented because we work hard to support ourselves. However, that doesn't imply that we don't value anything else. If you belittle our career or force us to choose between it and you, we'll always choose our career. If you respect our work, we'll be in an excellent place.
11. Every independent woman isn't the same
It's a widely held stereotype that all independent women are radical feminists who despise men, have no desire for children, and consider themselves superior to everyone else. However, while there may be a few individuals who fit this description, they are not representative of the majority. Before jumping to conclusions, take the time to get to know us. Independent women have diverse aspirations and goals, and we are not all cut from the same cloth.
12. We already have a life
We are already content and fulfilled without your presence. Our lives are enriched by our relationships with friends and family, our professional pursuits, and having a comfortable home. While we welcome the opportunity to include you in our lives, we do not depend on you to achieve a sense of completeness. We ask that you refrain from attempting to alter or disrupt the lives we have established. We are content with who we are and the lives we lead.
13. We don't have some deep, dark secret
The idea that all independent women are damaged is a myth that I find tiresome. It's frustrating to encounter men who believe they can "fix" me because they assume my independence is rooted in past trauma. The truth is, being independent is simply a part of who I am, and there's no deep, dark secret or trauma to uncover. All we ask is for others to accept us as we are and find happiness together.
14. We need a guy with as much ambition as us
It's not unexpected that independent women are highly motivated, and we desire a partner who not only accepts but shares our ambition for success. We seek someone who will push us to achieve our full potential because we cannot afford to slow down our pace for a relationship.
15. We refuse to put up with crappy behaviors
We are content with our lives and do not require a relationship to feel fulfilled. Consequently, we are not afraid to confront and denounce inappropriate behavior, and we refuse to engage in frivolous dating games. As independent women, we value our time and energy and will not waste it on needless drama from men.
16. We look for someone who fits into our fast-paced world
As independent women, we have our own priorities and ambitions to pursue, and therefore, we desire partners who not only bring positivity into our lives but also fit into our lifestyles. We understand that successful relationships require compatibility between two people, and we strive to find partners who are in sync with us.
17. Words don't impress us; actions do
We have encountered our share of men using sweet talk to woo us, but it does not sway us. We are genuinely impressed by a man who can back up his romantic words with actions. It's important for us to feel and experience the right emotions in a relationship, rather than just hearing them expressed.
18. We don't want a guy that's intimidated by us
There are men who struggle with the concept of an independent woman. We are confident and assertive about what we want to achieve in life, and we seek men who appreciate and admire these qualities, rather than seeing them as a competition.
19. We're need someone who stimulates our minds, too
We appreciate being intellectually challenged and prefer meaningful conversations over small talk. It's important for us to find a partner who can engage in intelligent discussions and offer us more than just superficial topics. If a man can stimulate our mind and our bodies, he will undoubtedly have our full attention.
20. We don't believe in settling
We are aware that we could lower our standards and settle for anyone, but that's not what we want. We refuse to accept anything less than what we know will bring us complete happiness in the long run. We have made it this far without a partner by our side, so we are willing to take a little longer to find what we truly desire.
21. We know what we bring to the table
As independent women excelling in all areas of life, we expect nothing less than the best in love. We are confident in our identity and what we bring to the table, and we will not settle for less. We are not afraid to walk alone until we find someone who values and appreciates our worth.
22. We're already happy on our own
We are content with our lives as they are, without the need for a relationship. For us to make the required adjustments and invite love into our lives, it must be truly worthwhile. He can't simply be "good enough." He needs to profoundly impact us and make us feel complete before we fully commit to a relationship.
23. We go after what we want in love the same way we do in life
Independent women are already content and accomplished in their lives, having attained success through their individual motivation and determination. To them, finding love is equivalent to excelling in the game of life they have already mastered. They are selective because they are aware of their desires, personality, and what would make their lives more fulfilling. They won't give up until they find the love they desire, even if it takes time.
Secrets We Don't Want Men To Know (But Maybe They Should)
1. Rejection scares us
Although we don't mind initiating contact when we are interested in a man, it's not always effortless. Like anyone else, we are also scared of rejection. However, the only difference is that we acknowledge the need to pursue what we want if we are to achieve it.
2. We have our lazy days
As independent women, we may come across as constantly busy and productive, but that's not always the case. We also have lazy days where we stay in bed all day, binge-watch our favorite shows on Netflix in our comfy pajamas. After all, we deserve a break too, right?
3. We can be submissive
We enjoy being in charge, but it can be exhausting. Therefore, we appreciate it when our partners take on a dominant role in the bedroom from time to time. It's also nice when they help out with household chores like taking out the trash or doing the dishes.
4. We like to feel like a lady
We value being taken seriously in our professional lives, but that doesn't mean we have to sacrifice our personal style. We enjoy wearing fashionable clothing, including pumps and pencil skirts, because we believe that women can be independent and attractive simultaneously.
5. We have breakdowns
We may appear to have it all together, but in reality, we don't. Just like everyone else, we have moments where we break down and cry. The only difference is that we try to conceal our emotions and wipe away our tears before anyone notices.
6. We care about other people's opinions
We dress and make decisions for ourselves, not to impress or please others. However, that doesn't mean we're immune to the opinions of others. While we try not to care, it's impossible to completely ignore their thoughts. Deep down, we still care to some extent.
7. We're insecure
Despite walking around with confidence, we too have body issues just like anyone else. We may not like the size of our nose or the smallness of our breasts, but we don't let it get in the way of our awesomeness.
8. We can't do it all
It would be great if we could juggle cooking, working, hanging out with friends, and dating all in one day, but it's simply not feasible. That's why we sometimes opt for ordering takeout or hiring a cleaner. Despite the appearance of having superhuman abilities, we're just like everyone else.
9. We get jealous
We make a conscious effort not to bring down other women. However, it's natural for us to feel envious when we see another girl. We recognize that it's a human emotion, but we strive not to express it in a negative way.
10. We want to be loved
Despite being independent, we all crave love and connection, whether it's from a romantic partner, friends, or even a furry companion.
Why We're Not Desperate For Love
1. We're too busy focusing on ourselves
It can be challenging to prioritize exploring potential romantic interests when you're fully immersed in hustling. Although we'll certainly make time for the right person, until they demonstrate that our attention is worth diverting, we're satisfied with focusing on ourselves.
2. Sacrificing our priorities isn't an option
We won't compromise our priorities to meet up with every guy who expresses interest. Our personal responsibilities take precedence over everything else. While some women enjoy taking risks and seizing new opportunities, we prefer to proceed with caution and maintain balance in our lives. Change should happen gradually rather than all at once.
3. Dating culture these days blows
Modern dating culture seems to prioritize upgrading partners, casual sex without commitment, ghosting, and even unsolicited genital images. However, we're solely focused on upgrading ourselves.
4. We don't need someone else to feel complete
We've invested significant time and effort into developing ourselves, and we feel complete without anyone else. Love is an additional bonus for us, and the right person should enhance the life we've created for ourselves, making it even more incredible than we could have imagined.
5. He needs to really shine above the rest
For us to welcome love into our lives, it must be with someone who profoundly impacts us. They should consume our thoughts and evoke a deep sense of fascination. We don't settle for mediocre or seemingly decent partners. To leave behind the successful lives we're creating, we require something extraordinary.
6. We've been there, done that
After experiencing various types of relationships, we've grown tired of the drama and wasting our time. We have no interest in almost-relationships or commitment-phobic men who prefer sex over genuine connections. As mature adults, we have responsibilities and priorities, and we can't afford to be indecisive anymore.
7. We're content with just ourselves
Self-sufficient women have their lives under control, and many of us have been doing so for an extended period. We've reached a level of contentment and fulfillment in living our lives as they are. We don't feel the need to seek out a romantic relationship out of desperation—we already possess self-love.
8. Pajamas and Netflix is better than another douchebag
Frankly, the prospect of getting dressed up and shaving our legs to meet another man with selfish motives is less enticing than lounging around in comfortable pajamas, sipping wine, and watching Netflix with a face mask on. As mentioned before, any man who can entice us to leave our relaxation behind needs to be genuinely worthy.
9. We don't have time to waste
We live hectic lives and have our responsibilities in check, and we aim to keep it that way. If an exceptional man enters our lives and we become infatuated enough to make room for him, we will do so. Until then, we embrace the unpredictability of life. We don't force love to materialize in our lives.
10. It'll happen when it happens
As content as we are with our lives, we aren't in a hurry to find love. Love, to us, is something that will transpire at the most serendipitous and opportune moment. We're not willing to abandon our personal goals for a romantic relationship when we have infinite individual aspirations to accomplish.
Things Independent Women Need From A Guy If We're Going To Commit
1. A clear understanding that we value our freedom
Independent women value freedom above all, not just physical but also emotional and mental freedom. We require a man who comprehends that we cannot be constrained or restrained, whether physically or symbolically.
2. The knowledge that we just might take off for days or weeks
I highly value escaping from my daily routine, and my former partner had difficulty grasping this concept. He couldn't comprehend my desire or necessity to leave, and I couldn't comprehend his lack of interest in doing so.
3. Accepting that our alone time is the best time
Please, leave us alone. We genuinely mean it. Allow us to breathe, exist, and unwind on the couch in our undergarments without the need to engage with anyone.
4. The realization that neediness will have us running for the hills
Few things repulse an independent woman more than a clingy man. We adore you and enjoy being in your company, but please refrain from whining when you haven't seen us for three days.
5. Letting us love on our own terms
In my opinion, independent women love differently compared to those who are co-dependent. We express love as much and intensely as we can, but we also retain some aspects for ourselves.
6. Understanding the true meaning of "partner"
In a relationship, independent women see their partner as an equal part of a whole. They have specific expectations for their relationships: they don't want to be provided for, taken care of, or coddled. They desire to be treated as equals to men in every possible way.
7. Not being afraid for us
Independent women are fearless and need a man who doesn't get intimidated when they explore the world. He should support and encourage them to pursue their passions, even if it takes them to the jungles of Africa.
8. Appreciating what we bring to their life
Independent women bring a unique quality to relationships that co-dependent women don't possess - inspiration. A man can glean valuable insights from a fearless, free-spirited woman who plays by her own rules and doesn't require constant communication.
9. Loving us by letting us go away sometimes
The saying goes, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours." For independent women, a man who trusts that we can love ourselves enough to take time away, but also loves us enough to welcome us back, is what we need most in a relationship.
