I’ve seen women go to a lot of lengths to make “better men” out of their lovers. That is a mistake from the very start. As they say, a leopard cannot change its spots.
So, who he is will not change despite your efforts.
This is by no means an attempt to water down the admirable goal of trying to make someone a better person.
But you should be concerned that he was not a good man before. It might seem like a compliment that a man would admit that you have made him an “honest man.” But I think that is a red flag.
Who says you have to put up with men who make you feel like you are living with a teenager as you mold him into a grown-up.
I love helping other people as much as anyone else. But I would rather spend my effort loving and caring for a man who acts like a grown-up and knows his role in a relationship.
But what I will not stand for is being his rehabilitation center.
Women have it tough. For one, they sometimes earn less than their male counterparts. On top of that, they are expected to look like models all day long, be world-class mothers to their kids, and at the same time rehabilitate immature men.
You are given a house and a boy, and from that, you are expected to make a home and a responsible man. But I did not sign up for that. I will not take a man with a lot of issues and try to make him into someone decent and acceptable.
So, this is my appeal to men—you need to put an end to this.
You can see where you are falling short, and you should be mature enough to work on these issues yourself. Yes, you can transform yourself into a better man without being worked on by your lover. And anyway, I believe any adult knows to work on being a better version of themselves every single day.
So, you don’t need your girlfriend, wife or lover holding your hand and telling you what you need to do to become a better person. If you have deep-seated emotional issues that cause teenage-like tantrums, then work on them.
If you realize that you are not being a very good lover to your significant other, then make a point of working on it. You don’t have to keep making the same mistake until your partner makes you work through it.
It is not your woman’s job to fix you. While I will gladly grow with you and work to improve our relationship, I think you should also attempt to be a better person.
Why should your issues become my problem? I work on myself and as I expect you to work on yourself and become a better man.
That’s not too much to ask, is it? In fact, it is fair of me to request this of any man who comes into my life. My job should not be fixing the toxicity that you bring into my life.