It's funny how people think it is ok to break your heart, to leave you in tears, angry or depressed. No, it isn't ok to make feel the person down, to destroy a person you are supposed to love.
I remembered the day it happened to me. It was late at night when he announced those killer words «it is over». At this moment, I felt like he put a knife in my chest, the tears flowed from my eyes and they didn't stop until the morning. How could the love of my life, the one I loved unconditionally, all of a sudden not care about me, about my feelings? Yes, he cried when he broke my heart but I don't forgive him and don't think I ever will.
The next day I was confused. I didn't know what happened to me. I hadn't slept at all. I felt alone for the first time in my life. I didn't have anybody to talk to. I went go to work and pretended I was ok, but once I through the door of my house it was another story. I couldn't stop crying in the shower. I barely ate. When I laid in bed, I cried so hard to the point where I had to cover my mouth to not make any noise.
It was my war and I needed to be a stronger soldier, but I was so down I just needed a break from everything but I couldn't. If I don't go to work, how will I pay for food, my bills, or rent? I didn't have the freedom to give up on myself. I had responsibilities. But being destroyed from the inside, it was hard to go to work and pretend to be happy. I used to be the person who listened to others when they didn't feel good. I was the one who always laughed and made people feel better. It was a way to build my own happiness, but since my broken heart, I still try and be that person, but I don't involve myself 100 percent like I used to before.
Yes he changed me, I feel like a different person today.
I finally took a break for a few months because I needed to rebuild myself. I just wanted to have some peace of mind. I wanted my ex out of my head and my heart. It was hard to go to the store and see what he liked to wear, what he liked to eat, to hear a love song without thinking of him. I was just missing him and was reminded of him everywhere.
People used to tell me the one who broke your heart is the only one that can heal it. Just to think of this, it was freaking me out because there is no way I wanted to hear from him. This guy not only destroyed me from the inside, but he made me feel so stupid like I never felt before. I felt humiliated. How did I trust him? He just played with me.
A few weeks before our relationship ended, I was lying down in bed and in my heart, I felt like «don't trust him» and I remembered saying those words «God he can't be like this»! Yes he was. He became the worst person I've ever met and loved.
Always follow your gut they said, but I didn't want to see those alarming signs.
I became angry at myself because I didn't understand his behavior. I became angry because I didn't want our love to end like this without explanations. But I had no choice but to let it go. My questions will never have answers. But I did find comfort in friends. I found love in the eyes of people who cared for me and it helped me.
The advice I will give when your love story breaks your heart, don't stay by yourself, call some friends or family members. Don't ever give up on yourself. Life is a test with plenty of exams, if you pass, good if you don't, life isn't over you need to try again!
To you my Dear Heartbreaker, I wish you could feel my heart the day I loved you unconditionally and the day you broke it to pieces. Can you hear my Heart? It is still beating. I'm still breathing and I will never give up on myself, never ever.