Selfish people are interested primarily in their own benefit, gain, and well-being and do not care about other people and their needs. Dealing with selfish people is, clearly, a nightmare.
Each of us has that one colleague who will drink your coffee or milk at work but never buy them. When it's their turn to pay for the round, that friend dials on the cell phone and pretends to be busy. Some people will always ask for a favor from you but will never return it.
Unfortunately, the world is full of selfish people, and we are too polite to say how rude they are. Often these are our friends and colleagues, so sometimes, we don't even want to admit that a person is selfish and is taking advantage of us. However, we often re-examine ourselves and wonder if we may have made a mistake at some point and turned out to be stingy ourselves instead of dealing with selfish people.
I Love Myself, And Only Myself…
Selfish people do not notice other people and their needs, and that is why many people leave the relationship with them feeling hurt and often frustrated, angry, and furious. Other people are just extras with a task for them.
We can describe selfishness as an interest in ourselves and only in ourselves, regardless of the context. Selfishness is usually not one of the traits we list when describing ourselves, and there may be several reasons for this. One reason may be because we do not own it, another because we are trying to cover it up. A third reason might be that we are not aware that we own it.
When our preoccupation with ourselves and exclusively with ourselves is a regular occurrence, we generally do not have the experience and awareness that selfishness is our trait.
A distinction should be made between selfishness, self-care, and stinginess. Just because we like to take care of ourselves doesn't mean we are selfish by nature or stingy.
Although selfishness and stinginess seem to have the same meaning (exploiting others and putting oneself in front of everyone), cheapness is a shade uglier because the stingy not only deprives others but also deprives themselves. On the other hand, selfishness is a much more complex trait, so we draw your attention to specific characteristics and habits that characterize just such people.
What Are Selfish People Doing Wrong?
Selfish people do not show empathy - one of the common reasons for selfishness is the fear of showing weakness, and by expressing empathy and helping others, we do just that.
They do not accept constructive criticism - selfish people do not know how to accept it but see it as an attempt to diminish their work and potential, so they will "reject" any such criticism with irony.
They do not listen to those who do not share their opinion. Selfish people consider mature and intelligent ones as "enemies," they think they do not deserve their attention or respect, especially if they do not agree with their opinion. They are afraid of those who are more intelligent than themselves and therefore ignore them and do not respect their opinion.
They criticize others behind their backs - selfish people will pretend to be friendly and kind in front of people. Still, they will comment, criticize and condemn them behind their backs, and the reason is the fear that they are wrong, so they would rather blame someone behind their backs than tell them what they think.
They exaggerate their achievements - one of the most critical and worst characteristics of selfish people is a lack of humility. Such people will look for a way to stand out and glorify their achievements, especially if they do something well, but they will not even mention it if they fail at something.
They are afraid to take risks - selfish people will never take risks because they are scared of failure, so they will never expose themselves unnecessarily.
They expect others to help them - they live based on what others think of them and what they can do for them. They expect the world to revolve around their wants and needs, so they seek many services from the people around them and resent if their demands are not met.
Dealing With Selfish People And Their Me, Myself And I
Selfish people are the center of the world for themselves, and they try to impose that on others, consciously or unconsciously. They are constantly preoccupied with themselves, no matter what they do and what they do. Their speech is dominated by "I," "me," "for me,"
In the conversation, their contents and presentations, regardless of the topic and other interlocutors, are always about them. There is simply no room for other people because they take up all the space and "burn all the oxygen" in the interactions they enter.
That is why dealing with selfish people often feels suffocating and tense. We start to squirm with impatience because it is not our turn to satisfy our need for contact.
These are precisely the situations when we recognize selfishness - when there is no place for us in a relationship with another person. When instead of mutuality and reciprocity, there is only "I" and "take."
Dealing With Selfish People And Relationships With Others
Selfish people establish mostly one-way, often superficial, short, and volatile relationships with other people that last as long as their interest lasts. Even when dealing with other people, they do so for their pleasure and their benefit, not for mutual benefit. That is why people who expect closeness, reciprocity, and commitment feel empty, dissatisfied and frustrated after a while.
We are responsible for our relationships, including dealing with selfish people. If we feel difficulties in our relationships with other people, one of the reasons may be our expectations. Each of us has different expectations from the relationship we establish. The satisfaction or dissatisfaction we feel in a particular relationship directly depends on how fulfilled or unfulfilled our expectations are of that person.
Suppose we expect reciprocity in taking and giving. In that case, there is a high probability that in our relationship with selfish people, we will not be able to achieve it and be angry and disappointed. On the other hand, if we have a dominant need to give and not expect something in return, we can function harmoniously with selfish people because our needs are compatible.
Absence Of Give And Take: Dealing With Selfish People
The absence of reciprocity is one of the dominant characteristics of the relationships that selfish people establish. There is no give and take in their relations - they ask for much more than they are ready to give in return, and they perceive it as a natural state.
That is why they do not see and recognize the disproportion in the relations they establish, and dealing with selfish people seems impossible.
They act as if inequality in reciprocity in their favor is implied. They may be caught, even angry, and offended if someone confronts them about their behavior and actions. If there is a discussion, their argumentation is in the function of defending their point of view, and not in considering the facts and trying to see and understand the situation from the other person's point of view.
In that way, arguing from the position as if they are the only ones in question and as if it is only about them, they do not leave room to see and hear the other person and eventually understand what they are reacting to. Thus, they confirm that dealing with selfish people is useless.
What To Do When You're Dealing With Selfish People
Even when we know that someone is selfish and stingy, we often allow ourselves to be exploited because we do not know how to position ourselves properly and say, "That's enough."
However, it is crucial to stand up for yourself and learn what dealing with selfish people means.
First and foremost, don't let them abuse your goodwill and good intentions. Selfish people will always take advantage of those who prove to be weaker and who allow themselves to be treated with disrespect. Set boundaries so they realize they can't keep exploiting you.
In addition, you can show them how they treat you by treating them equally. Although it seems a bit childish, it will be effective because you will be a reflection of their behavior towards you, so they may even think about it and think about what they are doing to others.
Another way is to tell them directly that they are selfish and stingy and that this is not right. You should not be embarrassed; you should learn to stand up for yourself and talk about what bothers you. Remember, such people will behave selfishly and stingily as long as they can get away with it.
And one last tip - try to stay away from such people. Limit the time you spend with them if you can, so you will automatically reduce the possibility of being exploited and behaving selfishly, and if they ask you why you no longer hang out with them, tell them the truth. Cutting them out might be the best way to deal with selfish people.
Instead, stick to good and just people who will not take advantage of you because selfish people will not change quickly, so why waste your time on them?