Dealing With Intimacy Issues/Pressure On Sex Life When Trying To Conceive

Dealing With Intimacy Issues/pressure On Sex Life When Trying To Conceive

It's super easy for pressure to build up and ruin your sex life, especially when couples are trying to conceive. Here's how to bring the sexy back to the bedroom.

There's always that indescribable feeling that tickles your belly when you and your partner finally decide to start a family.

You can picture getting pregnant and all the things you'll teach your child. You're finally going to be a mom!

However, after a few months of seeing negative after-negative pregnancy test results, the pressure starts to build.

It becomes a constant reminder that you or your partner may be infertile.

You start feeling angry, depressed, and insecure. What's worse? You can notice it in the bedroom.

You feel like you're the problem, you don't get aroused anymore, or perhaps, you're getting frustrated you don't excite him anymore.

Regardless of how you're feeling – It's absolutely normal.

Many couples don't realize just how small the window of conception is until they're trying to get pregnant.

In fact, couples trying to get pregnant have about a 20% chance of conceiving every month. Talk about pressure!

Besides the frustration that comes with constantly trying to get pregnant and failing, the pent-up stress can affect your relationship and take a toll on your sex life too!

It's quite simple.

When you're under stress, your body sends signals to your brain that something is wrong.

Since your brain can't detect any problems, it assumes you're being chased by a lion and floods your system with adrenaline and cortisol (fight and flight hormones).

High levels of these hormones in your body can drastically reduce your sexual appetite and result in low libido.

Sex that was so thrilling and enjoyable is now another chore you have to tick off your to-do list.

You're not alone! Many couples trying to conceive have a phase of depression and notice their sex life isn't so sexy.

If you think only women have these problems, you're wrong! Men do too.

You may not have to do anything, but he does – He has to perform. In fact, many men trying to start a family with their partner start experiencing erectile dysfunction. Most times, their erectile dysfunction is situational.

The planned sex may seem forced and unnatural to your partner, coupled with the pressure of making a baby; it can impact his sex drive.

Unfortunately, if you're trying to conceive during your ovulation window, timed sex is inevitable.

The good news is – scheduled sex doesn't have to be boring and predictable.

Sex doesn't have to be spontaneous; you can follow your ovulation calendar and still have an exciting sex life.

We know how crucial this period in your relationship can be, so to make things easier, we compiled a shortlist of the best things to do to keep your relationship alive and sex life healthy when you're trying to get pregnant.

Spice up your sex life

Remember how fun and romantic sex was before you decided to have a baby? It was never planned and always spontaneous.

It turns out; sex can be just as exciting when it's on a schedule. The trick is, don't make it all about the baby. If you're always thinking about the baby, it'll just build up the pressure.

It isn't healthy for your relationship, either.

To spice up your scheduled sex, go on dates, give each other compliments, try role-playing, or make a bucket list to fulfill your partner's sexual fantasies.

Although it may take a little longer to get right to the baby-making, it'll take a lot of pressure off both of you.

Touch each other

No matter how happy you are in your relationship, if you've been struggling to conceive for a long time, the intimacy between you and your partner can take a dip.

For example, in a study on couples trying to get pregnant, many couples started touching each other only during the ovulation window. As a result, it contributed to the pressure and affected their sex life.

Anytime you touch your partner, he could start thinking, "Is she ovulating? Does she want to have sex again?

You could reduce the pressure by touching each other. It doesn't have to be sexual. You could make conscious efforts to cuddle or holding hands throughout the day.

What's more? It could strengthen your emotional and physical bond. After all, amazing sex starts with those little touches.

Switch up locations

Sex doesn't always have to be in the bedroom. You can make your sex feel unplanned, even if it isn't. Try having sex in a car, on the kitchen counter, or in the bathroom. If a trip doesn't dent your wallet, you can also plan a romantic getaway for a few days.

Going on a trip with your partner will boost your sexual energy and create beautiful memories.

Build anticipation

No one likes to have sex planned out for them. Luckily, scheduling sex gives you ample time to build anticipation.

Don't skip the foreplay. You can build anticipation by sending your partner flirty text messages, putting on your partner's sex playlist, or wearing his favorite lingerie.

Top tip: The longer the foreplay is, the more orgasmic the sex is.


Focus on the pleasure! Communication is essential for any relationship, and it's just as important for your sex life.

You can improve your sex drive by learning what your partner wants.

Talk about what you like too. Healthy communication during sex will make your partner feel more comfortable pleasing you.

If you don't know what you want, you can try masturbating in front of each other.

P.S Don't forget to use a safe word.

Take some time off baby-making

This may not be the news you'd want to hear, but if you've been struggling to conceive and you start noticing changes in your partners' mood and sex life, it may be time to take some time off. Your break could be for as little as a month. Instead of focusing on getting pregnant every ovulation cycle, focus on building the lost intimacy between you and your partner.

Taking time off will allow you and your partner to cool off and rekindle your intimacy.


It can be extremely difficult trying to get pregnant, especially when you need to.

More so, visiting the doctor for infertility tests doesn't help. After a while, it affects the sex life of many couples, both physically and emotionally.

You can stop the emotional roller-coaster by pushing a restart button on your sex life.