Dealing With Disrespect In A Relationship: Simple Tricks That Work
JoshuaPublished in October 2020 / Updated in December 2020
How can you tell you have no respect in your current relationship? For starters, you will feel like your opinions, feelings, and efforts never matter.
What’s worse is that there is far too much disrespect in relationships today. It is something of an epidemic, which means the odds of ending up with a boyfriend or girlfriend who doesn’t respect you are pretty high.
The good news is that you can always turn things around.
1. Highlight Your Good Points
Nobody says you have to be an egotistical buffoon to make the world know you are good at something. That will obviously not get you the respect you desire.
The idea is to make your partner know you have your advantages and are aware of it. Statements like “I have overcome many challenges to get to where I am today” or “I’m a great friend” will make your partner realize you offer some value in the relationship.
As long as such statements are true, your partner will see you deserve respect and admiration.
While at it, cut down on self-deprecating humor. Try not to focus on bringing others down. Speak positively and genuinely of yourself and others; your partner will see these same qualities in you.
Don’t focus so much on bringing up things you are good at. Only do it when necessary, such as when your partner tries to bring you down for a minor thing you have done.
2. Learn To Speak In A Way That Gets You Attention
Maybe your talking skills are the reason your partner lacks respect for you. In that case, changing up your speaking style might help.
If you always get ignored, interrupted, or talked over by your partner, then a few tricks can change all that.
For instance, learn to throw in your partner’s name as you speak to them. Avoid using big words. They might make you feel important, but they also might be making your partner take you less seriously.
Similarly, learn to appreciate your partner and what they do. If all you talk about is yourself, your partner might not pay the attention you expect them to.
Learning to have a strong voice that commands respect might also help. For instance, when you vary your tempo when speaking, your partner will be more inclined to keep listening to you because you become more interesting.
3. Don’t Take Everything Personally
Maybe the disrespect you see doesn’t even exist – it’s all in your head. I hate to say it, but sometimes, the person responsible for the disrespect we get from others is you.
Your partner can keep disrespecting you if you don’t respect yourself. For instance, if you take a little joke way out of context, you will appear less emotionally mature, and your partner will appreciate you less.
Learn to make people value you by understanding what they mean instead of projecting your misplaced feelings onto them.
In fact, even when you are sure someone is showing you disrespect, acting like it doesn’t bother, you might be all you need to make them realize you are more emotionally mature than they imagined.
A great way to ensure your emotions don’t make you seem like an idiot is to be slow to anger and also deliberate in your response when someone makes you feel bad.
When you can’t control your feelings, you will have a hard time controlling your words. In your anger, excitement, or in the heat of the moment, you can say many things that can ruin the respect you get from your partner.
4. Try Therapy
You can see that your partner is not respecting you. It bothers you a lot, but your efforts to turn things around have borne no fruit.
What are you to do?
You can try therapy. It is something of a last resort, but it might be precisely what you need to start getting respect in your relationship.
A therapist might give you a space to express yourself and your feelings towards your partner and offer insights into how you can win back the respect you so much desire.
Sometimes you are disrespecting your boyfriend or husband because you have never let him know what you consider disrespectful.
He probably thinks the snide comments he makes about your cooking are harmless jokes. To you, they are utterly disrespectful considering all the effort you put in when preparing him a meal.
Rather than let this misplaced illusion take root and make you feel like your partner has no respect for you, you can mention it to him, so he stops the behavior.
Take time to explain why you feel disrespected. That will help clarify that his behavior is not grossly misunderstood as he might be tempted to think.
One other thing…
Respect is not always earned, as many people like to say. There are a lot of accomplished people who have very little respect from those they know, especially their partners.
Ironically, many people in relationships, despite offering a lot less in the relationship, seem to get lots of respect.
What makes this difference?
In most cases, it’s all about whether the person can show respect or not. When you have respect for others, getting respect in return is a pretty natural thing. And to show others respect, you have to respect yourself.
There is no way you can have lots of respect for other people when you think so little of yourself.
So, even as you learn to deal with respect in your relationship, learn to bring respect to the arrangement. You can achieve this by respecting yourself, your partner, and your relationship. If you don’t, then disrespect might be the most common factor in all your relationships.