Published in Aug 2020 / Updated in Aug 2021
There is nothing like a mother’s love, regardless of how terrible their mothering skills were. And daughters of narcissistic mothers carry on a painful psychological legacy of toxic narcissistic motherhood without even realizing it.
Unfortunately, trying to be a good daughter to a narcissistic mother usually makes you more vulnerable to abuse in romantic relationships. And it’s not that sons of narcissistic mothers are much better off. However, daughters of these mothers suffer some very unique challenges.
For starters, narcissistic mothers tend to see their daughters as their competition, and they are more likely to sabotage them just to keep all the attention on themselves.
Here are other traits you'll see on daughters of narcissistic mothers.
1. Boundary Challenges, The Greatest Symptom Of Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers
One of the main effects of a narcissistic mother on her daughter is concerning personal boundaries. Narcissists tend to be overbearing and will usually violate their daughter’s boundaries to keep them under their control.
By overstepping their daughter’s boundaries, they make these women less likely to say no to unhealthy intrusions into their lives.
That is why daughters of narcissistic mothers are more likely to end up in abusive relationships with controlling partners. Their upbringing makes them feel like it’s okay for people to invade their personal space.
This mother might even try to seduce her daughter’s friends to prove that she is still sexually attractive and also able to compete with her daughter for romantic partners.
2. Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers Like Shaming Her Children
After growing up with a mother who constantly abused her and shamed her, the daughter of a narcissistic mother may do the same things to her daughters. Due to the constant demands for perfection by her mother, she grows up to be someone who demands a lot of her children as well.
In the same ways narcissistic mothers emotionally abuse their children, they will abuse their own children, albeit unwittingly. Such kids end up asking themselves, “will I ever be good enough.” And it's because their mother always demands more from them than they can offer.
3. She Has A Problem Expressing Herself
When raised by a narcissistic mother and father, your personality tends to get buried beneath the endless self-serving demands of your parent. The most important thing becomes your parents’ narcissistic demands.
A narcissist does not give anyone a chance to be themselves or express their honest emotions unless that advances her own self-serving agenda.
Whenever this girl tried to have a conversation about herself with her narcissistic parent, the discussion became all about the parent. From that, she learned that her needs are never important. Over time, she learned to keep her feelings to herself.
Therefore, expressing her needs always seem like the hardest thing in the world. Her feelings were practically buried beneath layers of narcissistic abuse.
4. Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers Have Deep Insecurities
Narcissists are experts at breaking people down and ensuring they have no confidence left. So, a small child has no chance against a narcissistic mother. These parents destroy their daughters’ self-confidence and leave them with lasting insecurities that persist well into adulthood.
That is why the daughter of a narcissistic mother will typically do unbelievable things to win other people’s approval. Ever since they were young, they learned to seek approval and they never stop even as adults.
5. Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers Only Understand Conditional Love
A narcissist can never give you unconditional love, no matter how important you are to them. They know how to express love, and it’s usually through love bombing. But every time they do, it’s with an ulterior motive.
Similarly, daughters of narcissistic mothers believe that love has to be earned. This is how being raised by a narcissist damages someone and destroys their potential to have a healthy relationship.
Even with their partners and children, these women believe that they have to do something to earn their love. This can lead them into a lot of unhealthy relationships since people who offer conditional love tend to be abusive, self-serving, and manipulative.
And there you have it.
There are countless ways a narcissistic mother emotionally abuse their children.
The problem is that these effects tend to impact children even as adults. That is why being the daughter of a narcissistic mother is a special kind of nightmare.
These girls often grow up to crave unhealthy relationships, and that keeps the abuse they experienced from their mothers in their lives. Basically, the women suffer from narcissistic victim syndrome because the effects of their childhood abuse never truly go away.
That's why you will see the above symptoms of daughters of narcissistic mothers on these women. And also, in case you are wondering about the signs of a narcissistic mother, it’s easy. Like any other narcissist, narcissistic mothers are usually toxic and self-absorbed, typically demanding attention from their children like every day is Mother’s Day.