Dating After Divorce: Expert Tips On How To Find Love
Published in Aug 2020 / Updated in Mar 2021
A report by the Census Bureau reveals that about 17% of people remarry after their first marriage ends in separation or the death of a partner, according to CNBC. Thinking about a new relationship after going through a divorce can be a steep path to navigate. Naturally, the aftermath of separating will make you feel less confident about finding the love of your life. You’ll also have a hard time starting over again because where trust, dreams, and joy once resided, you feel insecure and damaged. However, it is still possible to meet someone and start a new love life. Here’s how to find love again after a divorce.
Heal Before You Can Start Dating
Divorce is a stressful life event, and healing is required before you can start dating again. Skipping the recovery process after a separation and letting someone new into your life will cause more heartbreak. So, give yourself enough time to grieve, acknowledge, and come to terms with losing your marriage.
While some people may overcome the trauma by reading books, you may need to see a therapist or do yoga. Whatever healing method you choose, ensure your body, mind, and spirit feel connected and healthy. When you’re healthy physically and emotionally, starting a love life from scratch becomes manageable.
Reflect On Your Past Marriage
Write down a list of things you and your ex-wife or husband did that led to a separation. Most divorced individuals cite a lack of commitment as the leading cause. Other reasons why people divorce includes infidelity, excessive arguments, and marrying at a young age. Regardless of what caused your marriage to end, be honest about your role in it. Understanding why your previous relationship failed will help you avoid repeating the same mistakes. You’ll also be able to focus on building a loving relationship with your new spouse.
Let Go of Bitterness
One of the common mistakes people commit when dating after divorce is carrying emotional baggage. To find meaningful love, you need to let go of the past. When you allow pain, resentment, and anger, to slip out during conversations, you build a wall around yourself. As a result, you reduce the chances of finding true love. Likewise, by allowing negativity and sarcasm to be part of your personality, you send out negative energy that pushes away potential partners.
Put Yourself First
Meeting new people and finding love might be your end goal, but taking care of yourself when dealing with separation should be your primary objective. Focus on self-improvement and do things that make you happy. For example, find new hobbies and interests, and reconnect with your dreams and passions. After all, living a meaningful and exciting lifestyle is a sure way of attracting somebody who will love you truly.
Set Realistic Relationship Goals
As much as you’re looking for love again, don’t make assumptions about marriage immediately when you enter a new relationship. Instead, define what you want and set realistic relationship goals you can accomplish. Ask yourself if you’re dating to have fun or looking for someone to build a lasting commitment together with. Also, determine how you want to feel and the qualities your future wife or husband should possess. Nonetheless, avoid listing attributes that sound good when written on paper. Be sure your potential spouse brings out the chemistry you desire.
Don’t Rush on Love
Though your ultimate goal is to find somebody you feel chemistry together with, don’t overlook the possibilities that they might not be the perfect match. Therefore, balance your feelings and thoughts and watch out for red flags in your relationship. For instance, find out if both of you share the same values and goals. If not, you or your partner are likely to resent each other if one doesn’t compromise to the other’s demands. Most importantly, avoid being too exclusive with the first person you meet. Make yourself available to date multiple persons to increase the chances of finding the love you’re searching for.
Finding love after divorce might be challenging, but not impossible. All you need to do is heal first, focus on self-care and improvement, and let go of emotional baggage. Make an effort to set clear and manageable relationship goals, and take time before settling down for marriage.