It's a popular notion that women are often drawn to men who resemble and behave like their fathers. However, I personally experienced dating a man who reminded me of my father, and it turned out to be a terrible decision.
1. I noticed the personality similarities immediately but I ultimately ignored them because it felt familiar
My ex-boyfriend resembled my dad in his reserved, soft-spoken, and stoic demeanor, yet was also engaging in small groups. I was immediately drawn to him, but in hindsight, I believe it was mainly due to the comfort of familiarity, as he reminded me of my first close male relationship, my dad.
2. They had similar interests too
Not only did they have similar personalities, but they also shared the same interests, including sports, politics, life outlook, music, and art. It was almost eerie how alike they were. I found it effortless to connect with him, as my dad and boyfriend shared about 80% of the same interests. It felt like I had dealt with this type of man before.
3. They were the same astrological sign only days apart
After my boyfriend revealed his birthdate, it dawned on me why they shared so many similarities. As an astrology enthusiast, I found it amusing yet uncanny that I had two Cancer men in my life at the same time. Despite the possible implications, I ignored those thoughts and feelings because I desperately wanted him to be my boyfriend (a poor reason to pursue a relationship).
4. The things that bother me about my dad's personality were the same ones that bothered me about my ex
I soon realized that the traits in my dad's personality that bothered me the most were also present in my boyfriend, making our time together less enjoyable. While it's possible to overlook such issues when they arise in a parent, it's harder to do so in a romantic partner. Despite the fact that my dad provided for me as a child despite his negative qualities, reliving those same traits through a partner was an entirely different experience.
5. I felt like I was reliving my childhood sometimes
My relationship with my ex-boyfriend brought back some challenging memories with my dad. While it's possible that I projected these negative experiences onto my boyfriend because of his similarities to my dad, I chose to overlook this as a warning sign. In retrospect, the difficult times with my ex-boyfriend mirrored those with my dad, which left me feeling emotionally drained. Instead of acknowledging the negative aspects, I focused on the positive similarities that reminded me of my dad, leading to a detrimental outcome.
6. I quickly realized that choosing a partner like your parent in a relationship comes at a huge cost
It's tempting to justify and cling to a relationship despite warning signs. As children, we learn to identify our parents' personalities and traits, and we often gravitate towards individuals who remind us of what is familiar, even if it's not always beneficial. While I don't believe in regret, if I had listened to my intuition and avoided dating someone like my dad, I could have spared myself a lot of heartache.
7. When they actually met, it was a disaster
Interestingly, my dad and boyfriend didn't get along when they met. My dad reached out to me shortly afterward to express his dislike for my boyfriend, and we ended up breaking up a few days later. The seemingly perfect match turned out to be the complete opposite. Perhaps it was awkward for them to encounter similar yet distorted versions of each other, like seeing a reflection in a funhouse mirror with disproportionate features. Witnessing younger and older versions of them together felt strange to me. Two quiet and reserved men in one room made for an awkward and uncomfortable situation. They had little to talk about, and their agreement on most things did not help. All in all, it was not a good situation.
8. I realized I didn't want to spend my life with someone who reminded me of my dad
One of the main reasons why we called it quits was that I didn't want to spend my life with someone who resembled my dad. From my perspective, I had already spent over two decades with my father, and I didn't want to spend another several decades with someone who was a variation of him.
9. I'm dating someone who's nothing like my dad and it's a much healthier relationship
My present partner is completely different from my dad. He doesn't evoke any negative memories from my childhood or manipulate my inner child by reminding me of the positive aspects of my dad's character. Although I love my dad, our relationship has been difficult, and as I move forward in life, I want to be with someone who is entirely distinct. While I couldn't choose the first man in my life, I can choose the one I spend the remainder of it with.