Milica JaricPublished in August 2020 / Updated in December 2020
Mr. Nice Guy syndrome doesn’t sound like much. But, this type of man is not merely annoying; they can be dangerous as well.
This world needs more kindness; there’s no question about it. But, there’s a particular group of people, mostly men, who are friendly to the point of exhaustion.
Ladies, you know that guy: he is always there for you, and he knows what to say. But, there’s nothing between the two of you, since he’s been friend-zoned since day one.
It doesn’t sound like there’s any reason to freak out until Mr. Nice Guy shows his true colors. And by the time you realize that your so-called best guy friend is not really one of the good ones, he’ll make you feel like you’re the worst person on the planet.
In rarer cases, Mr. Nice Guy syndrome can become a dangerous game, and there’s no safe way to tell what will trigger a seemingly ordinary dude to become a total creep.
So, how does he operate? What’s on his mind? Let’s try to decode this behavior and save you from some future pain, humiliation, and even fatigue.
The “I’m not like the other guys” Technique
Mr. Nice Guy is usually, but not always, someone who’s overcompensating. He doesn’t quite understand women, so he rarely gets the ladies. He can be everyone’s friend, and that sucks because he wants more.
Instead of dealing with his shortcomings, which are usually trivial, he focuses on being better than the other men.
He’s sweet, always there for your needs, full of understanding. Of course, he’s not like the other guys, and he’ll repeat that like a mantra. He may also be as sweet as Joe Goldberg (Anyone else demands You season 3 soon?)!
Over time, you start to see him as your savior, but you don’t see him as a potential mate. And that’s how he’s slowly developing an obsession. No, it’s not about one woman in particular. It’s about all of those gals who put in him the friend zone.
From time to time he’ll try something, go for a kiss or more. But at first, he won’t be pushy, since Mr. Nice Guy isn’t like the other guys. He’s afraid of rejection, to the point of constant frustration and anger.
Mr. Nice Guy Syndrome or creating a monster
The thing about our mister Nice Guy is that he’s full of compliments and easy to talk to until you realize that he’s telling you what he thinks you want to hear.
This guy will feed your insecurities while making sure to turn you against all your potential partners, even friends. If you think this whole thing sounds like a scenario from a Lifetime movie, you’re not wrong.
You’ll keep defending him, while he’s crossing all boundaries of what’s normal and acceptable. “He cares for me” or “You don’t understand that he’s a kind soul” or some of the things you’ll start saying more and more.
No one will even think that the whole relationship is fake, and you’re creating a monster. The closer he gets, the more his delusional mind thinks that you’re meant to be.
At some point, he will start to request things, because, in his mind, you belong to him.
He loves you like no one else, and he’s the only one who understands you. Unlike most men, he will talk to you about clothes and gossip about your girlfriends. That’s because your life is melting into his.
Yup, the more your so-called friendship goes, the scarier it gets.
He’s like Jim Carrey in The Cable Guy
If you confront him, you’ll end up looking like a jerk or worse. Why? Because he’s not doing anything wrong, on paper.
Mr. Nice Guy is smooth. And let’s be honest: it’s not as if he’s always aware of his across. Does it make him any less dangerous? No, au contraire!
When you try to set up some ground rules, he’ll do his best, “You don’t deserve me” performance. He will guilt trip you into saying you’re sorry, despite a simple fact: you should not be apologizing.
How to tell the difference between a kind man and someone suffering from Mr. Nice Guy Syndrome? Loving people do not need to make others look bad. They are realistic, and not in the role of a lifetime.
Mr. Nice Guy is hiding his true nature, and he won’t show any flaws or make mistakes. Why? Because he thinks no one will love him if he does. This is precisely why you cannot connect with him on an emotional level.
Additionally, for the same reason, people around you will find him creepy, or more likely like he’s hopelessly in love with you.
If you watched Desperate Housewives one character is the perfect not so nice guy. He killed Bree’s first husband and tricked her into becoming his lover. Yikes!
You don’t own him anything
As his obsession grows, Mr nice Guy will create a complete relationship in his head. Though fabricated, his actions and words will lead you to one point: you have to prove you love him.
Naturally, he’s your friend, and you do care for him. But in his mind, it’s time to seal the deal, move forwards, and it can be several things: from demanding sex to proposing marriage.
Again, he might guilt trip you, because he knows you so well. But let’s be honest: he’s only manipulating you, to get whatever he wants.
A genuinely nice dude will tell you how he feels about you. He’ll listen to you and accept that you don’t want to be romanticly involved with him. But, Mr. Nice Guy will call you all sorts of names and get aggressive.