Sexual orientation is not a simple binary, and although there is now more awareness of LGBTQA+ rights, there still exists confusion and misinformation regarding sexual identities that fall outside the norm, such as graysexuality. Graysexuality is more intricate than simply not having a desire for sex or relationships, and it is crucial to dispel misconceptions and embrace diverse identities. If you have been contemplating whether you are graysexual, here are some indicators that may help you clarify your feelings.
1. You don't identify as asexual, but you're not exactly sexual either
As a child and teenager, you were perplexed by your classmates who dated, and you often questioned if they were genuine. You understand that labels such as straight, gay, or bisexual do not accurately describe you (at least not consistently), but you do not feel comfortable identifying as asexual. You feel as though you inhabit a realm that lies between the two, but you probably did not realize there was a term for it. That is graysexuality, and it is a valid identity.
2. You've experienced sexual attraction and desire once or twice, but it doesn't happen very often
Occasionally, you encounter someone who arouses your desire and whom you would like to have sex with, but those occurrences are infrequent and typically occur in unusual situations. You do not experience attraction towards individuals at first glance, and when your friends comment on someone they find "attractive," you cannot relate because you do not typically view people in that manner.
3. Platonic relationships are your priority
You have always developed profound non-romantic connections with individuals, whether they are friends or family members. These relationships are the most significant to you, and they lack any sexual connotations. If you do happen to have a partner, what is essential to you is qualities such as trust, loyalty, and intellectual compatibility, rather than your sexual attraction to them.
4. You have a lower sex drive than anyone you know
Although you may have experimented with self-stimulation and perhaps found it pleasurable once or twice, you are generally not interested in masturbation or engaging in sexual activities with another person. Sex scenes in movies bore you, and you would not be bothered if pornography was prohibited. It is also possible that you enjoy self-stimulation, but you have no interest in experiencing it with another individual.
5. You might be aromantic, biromantic, panromantic AND graysexual
You might identify as graysexual in terms of your sexual orientation, but your romantic identity could be different. You could be a heteroromantic who takes pleasure in hugging, kissing, and cuddling with your partner, or you might not be affected by gender when it comes to romantic needs. Alternatively, you could be an aromantic graysexual and not experience any romantic or sexual attraction at all. There are countless possibilities to consider.
6. You love making out but not making love
You might thoroughly enjoy going on dates, making out in parking lots, and holding hands with your partner, but none of these scenarios culminate in sexual activity. You may appreciate intimacy, but it may not necessarily be sexual intimacy.
7. You're fine with never having sex again so long as your emotional and intellectual needs are met
If someone offered you a life in which all of your necessities and wants were fulfilled, but sex was not included, you would readily and gladly accept it. After all, there is much more to life than sex—such as traveling, learning a new language, pursuing a hobby, or dancing the night away.
8. You could be a demisexual too
You may be a demisexual if you only experience sexual attraction and desire after developing a deep emotional connection with your partner, which comes from knowing them for an extended period and building a foundation of trust and security.
9. It's also OK if you don't choose to identify with any label at all
You might be a graysexual (or a demisexual) and not resonate with every item on this list, or you might connect with these items but opt not to identify with the label. Nonetheless, that's perfectly okay, and there's nothing amiss with you. For some individuals, labels may be empowering, while for others, they may be limiting. Therefore, do what feels appropriate for you.
10. Your identity and experiences are valid no matter what
Sexual identity can be fluid and may move along the spectrum throughout one's life. As a graysexual, your encounters will vary from those of others, but that doesn't make them any less meaningful. In reality, take every opportunity to honor your identity, because you are one-of-a-kind, beautiful, and entitled to all of the good things life has to offer.
