Love can make you possessive, passionate and a little intense, which is how many guys end up with situations where they describe their partners as "clingy girlfriends." To some extent, clinginess is also the definition of love.
After all, we want those we love around us as much as possible. To us, it might be nothing but love, concern, and care. But to your boyfriend, it might be clinginess.
That is why you can be excused for not knowing you were a clingy girlfriend.
The truth is that guys tend to get scared when a girl makes it clear she needs him. On their part, girls often believe that's what being a good girlfriend is all about. So, she tries to spend as much time with her man as she possibly can.
So, ladies who are called clingy girlfriends are more often than not just misunderstood. What happens is that the guy gets frightened when the girl projects her insecurities onto him by acting needy.
Why You Might Be A "Clingy Girlfriend"
Have you had trouble trusting your boyfriends in the past? If so, then the odds of you turning into a clingy girlfriend will be much higher for you.
Usually, clingy girlfriends don't just happen. Usually, deep-seated trust issues are bothering these girls. Therefore, to trust anyone, they feel the need to know their boyfriends' every move to be sure they can trust them.
But everyone needs some personal space and feels suffocated when they cannot get it.
We also have girls who are mortified by the idea of breaking up.
And so, they might go overboard in their attempts to make sure that never happens. This makes them end up in the "clingy girlfriends" category. But all they were trying to do is keep the relationship alive.
So, if you are a little too scared that your relationship might end, then you might be a clingy girlfriend and not even know it.
You might get jealous when any other female shows an interest in your guy. That shows you are easily threatened. That would manifest itself by a desire to know everything that goes on with him. This possessiveness comes off as clinginess.
How To Deal With Clinginess
When you find out you are clingy (not necessarily by your definition), you should do something about it to avoid smothering the guy and possibly compromising the relationship.
Fortunately, there are signs that you are clingy to your partner. And usually, a guy will not normally hide this from you. Once you realize that he feels a little smothered, you can ask him about it and confirm it's true.
But know that many guys will avoid coming right out and saying they need space. That's because this can give you the impression they are not as into you as you imagined.
However, having a heart-to-heart with him in a nonjudgmental conversation will make him open up. And he can tell you if you are demanding more attention than he may like to give.
Are Clingy Girlfriends All That Bad?
In reality, no. Many girls are just expressing their emotions for the guys they love. They don't do it to be controlled but to be loving.
The girl is opening herself up by letting the guy see her real self and her needs and desires. Any smart guy should be immensely appreciative of that.
It should be part of his responsibility to make sure she has high self-esteem. Consequently, he should change any habits that might be making the girl so unusually possessive.
That includes avoiding flirting with other girls and giving her all the attention she needs. Her clingy tendencies might directly result from not getting enough attention from her man.
Clingy Girlfriends Have These Traits
1. They Want Updates On His Whereabouts All The Time
If you want the guy to keep checking in all the time, then you might be clingy.
It's perfectly okay to want to know what your boyfriend is up to. But if you make a big deal out of his inability to do so, he will start feeling a little suffocated.
So, give him time to respond to your messages without demanding instant replies. If you get angry when he doesn't, then he might consider you a clingy girl.
2. Clingy Girlfriends Want The Lives Of Their Lovers To Be All About Them
Even in the most intimate relationships, individuality is very important. So, if you are always demanding that the guy takes care of everything in your life, you might be clingy to him.
Give him space to get his own things done as well, even if he might come to your help once in a while. And definitely, don't get too fond of forcing him to do things he doesn't like.
For instance, if he doesn't like planning parties, watching chick flicks, or doing certain chores, don't force him to do it. Obviously, as your boyfriend, he has to pitch in once in a while. But if you cross the line, he will consider you a clingy girlfriend, which will not help your relationship.
3. They Feel Insecure When Other Girls Get Close
Genuinely clingy girlfriends don't like it when other girls get close to their guys. They think, on some level, that the man will be drawn to this other girl and leave them for her.
This insecurity is particularly greater when the girl is more attractive than them by her own judgment.
In such cases, the problem is usually low self-esteem. If you don't feel you are not good enough, you will always think other women threaten you even when they are not.
Know that you are a desirable woman and own this reality. Otherwise, he would not have chosen to be with you over all the other women he has met in his life.
4. They Are Overly Suspicious
A girl who is suspicious of every girl that gets into her man's life will undoubtedly seem clingy. This is especially so if the guy has always been faithful to her and given her no reason to doubt his loyalty.
However, if you are suspicious of him because he has shown the potential to be untrustworthy, that's justified. And if that's truly the case, then the best thing for you is to find a relationship that gives you peace of mind.
It's hell living with someone you cannot trust.
5. You Are Jealous Of The Life He Has Without You
He has friends, he has hobbies, and he has other interests he really enjoys. But he doesn't need you for these.
If that makes you uncomfortable and even causes you to get in the way, then you might be clingy.
While he owes it to himself to give you enough attention, know that he also needs to have a life besides what you share. That's not only okay but also very healthy.
So, understand that your guy needs to have a life besides you, even though you should also be a priority to him.
6. Clingy Girlfriends Keep Talking Even When He's No Longer Interested
It's nice that you can talk on the phone for hours. But what are you talking about? Is it stuff he is interested in or just things only you would like to talk about?
If you are always going on and on about things he does not care about, then you might come off as a clingy girlfriend.
The trick is to make sure you talk more about things you are both interested in. If you are usually doing most of the talking, then the odds are that your conversations seem a little tedious to him.
But if you talk about things that interest both of you, he will find you less clingy, although you might talk for much longer.
7. Clingy Girlfriends Don't Give Their Guys Enough Space
Guys like their space. And unfortunately, what one guy calls space might be completely different from the next guy's definition of personal space.
But the fortunate truth is that when a man is completely into you, he will rarely have enough of your presence.
Still, letting someone enjoy their personal space is very important. So, even if he never seems to have enough of you, learn to give him a little breathing space and he will like you better for it.
Otherwise, if he kicks up a fuss every time you try to get his attention, then he is the problem, not you. Nobody hates getting attention from those they care about or love.
8. Depending Too Much On Him
Any guy worth his salt will want to cater to your every need. But also, if you prove to be too dependent on him, he might feel overwhelmed.
Don't forget that you got by without him before you became a couple. Calling him up every time you need something will strain him a little too much.
Learn to do some things on your own and let him help where he can or once in a while. But making him the solution to every minor issue you face in your life will only make him think you are clingy.
Don't Like The Clingy Girlfriends Tag? You're Not Alone
It's not easy hearing that you are one of the women guys describe as clingy girlfriends. And to be honest, the description is not always fair because what the guy might call clinginess is actually genuine love and concern.
That said, your possessiveness might have crossed the line and made him consider you clingy. If that's the case, you can try to do something about it. But if the problem is him, you should focus on yourself and how you can become a better you.
It's not fair being called a clingy girlfriend simply because you were working to keep the relationship going while the guy had dropped the ball. If he is making you insecure and jealous of his shortcomings, don't suffer in silence to avoid being clingy.
In a healthy relationship, the attention you give to the person you love is always welcome and almost never enough because they cannot have enough of you.
Once you find a guy who really appreciates you, they will know they have hit the jackpot because you will be his best friend and lover all wrapped into one.
He will not see a clingy girlfriend in you as other guys might.
So, clingy girlfriends don't exist, just misunderstood girls who need a little more assurance from the guys who love them that their place in the relationship is assured. That said, there are ways you can make the guy like you more without making him feel uncomfortable.