As devastating as heartbreaks are, the worst thing about them is that the love you had for the person does not end just because you have gone your separate ways.
So, most people in breakups ask themselves how they can get over the other person. Can you really stop loving someone you once truly loved?
People have tried unsuccessfully to stop loving people they have broken up with. Others have been advised to give themselves time to heal, yet we have people admit that they still love their exes several years after breaking up.
That makes us wonder, can you ever stop loving someone if you ever truly loved them?
Tips On Moving On
There is no need to lie about it: getting rid of love in your heart if at all it was true is not easy. The heart can be very stubborn and illogical.
Even when all the signs are there that this person is the worst thing that ever happened to you, your heart might still beat for no one else but them. That is what makes breakups so difficult.
However, there is plenty you can do to make sure your life does not come to a standstill following a heartbreak.
1. Distance Yourself From The Situation
One of your best options is to distance yourself from the whole situation. The benefit of this is that you will get some perspective.
That means you will have the benefit of seeing what role you played in the relationship and how your life might have changed for the better since you stopped being part of it.
2. Give It Time
Although time might not work for everyone, it helps some people stop loving a person they shouldn’t. After all, the heart can also grow weary after some time.
Even though it might be broken into a million pieces right now, over time, it can mend itself and allow you to move on after letting go.
3. Stop Fighting Your Feelings
Just because you feel terrible does not mean you should try as hard as possible to shake them off. That will only allow these feelings to fester and do you more damage.
Generally, bottling your feelings is not a good idea, so allow yourself to go through these feelings, as bad as they might be. That is the only way you will start the healing process and recover from the heartbreak-hopefully.
Healing takes time, and in between, there will be moments when you experience terrible pain. However, in the end, you will get better.
In the end, you might have to accept a few harsh truths about love. For instance, we can’t choose who we love; our hearts do.
So, coming to terms with the fact that we might fall for the wrong person might help us deal with breaking up with someone we still love.
At the end of the day, any relationship you invested in a lot cannot be easily forgotten. The bond grows over time, and even when the relationship is over, the bond might remain.
5. Understand Where You Are Coming From
Breakups and relationships are not the same for everyone. The feelings we have towards other people depend on many factors, including the experiences we had when growing up.
Issues like culture, family, and mental health can affect how we respond to breakups. For instance, someone raised in an abusive family environment might have a problem letting go of abusive partners.
6. Don’t Be Withdrawn
After going through a terrible experience such as a breakup, some people decide to retreat and avoid interacting with other people. That is usually a terrible idea.
If there is ever a time to get support from your friends and family, it is when your heart has been broken into countless pieces. The support can be priceless as it can help you realize that there was little you could have done to stop the heartbreak.
Supportive friends and family members might also help you understand that the breakup was for the best, even if the love you felt for the person was genuine.
7. You Keep Seeing The Person Who Broke Your Heart
To forget someone and move on, you should start by avoiding the temptation to keep interacting with them as much as possible.
It is a lot harder trying to get over someone you love when you see them all the time.
8. Stay Away From Places That Were Special For You Two
If you keep visiting the places that were special to you when you were together, then the memories you shared will keep flooding back. That will make it harder for you to move on.
So, make it easy on yourself by avoiding places you know meant a lot to you when you were in a relationship with that person.
9. Focus On Other Relationships
There are a lot of important relationships in our lives, but we tend to focus on only one when in intimate relationships.
Family members and loved ones are usually there to help out and help you overcome a toxic relationship. Spending more time with such people might be what you need to forget the bad relationship and move on with your life.
10. Try Something New
Moving on is a lot harder when you are sitting around moping over the loss of someone you loved so much. You should give yourself a break from it all and, if possible, take a trip or try out a new hobby.
The distraction might be what you need to forget the heartbreak and find something else to occupy your mind. So, try meeting new people and visiting new places.
This can give you the sense that you are starting anew, which is precisely what you need when trying to move on from a bad relationship.
11. See A Professional
A therapist can help get over a really devastating relationship, especially when linked to mental health issues. So, if you are having a tough time and nothing else seems to be working, and your situation seems to be getting worse, a therapist can help.
The professional can walk you through your emotional issues and help you cope with the heartbreak until you can move on with your life.
12. Make Changes To Your Life
Your self-esteem can take a serious dip after a breakup. However, making some changes to your life might help you rediscover your sense of self-worth.
It could be something as minor as changing your hairstyle or your manner of dressing. The idea is to get out of your comfort zone and push the limits you have put in your life.
You should also leverage the support of your friends.
Why You Are Having Trouble Moving On
If you think you should have moved on by now, but can’t seem to do so, then something may be getting in your way. Here are things that might make moving on more challenging for you.
Some of the reasons you are having trouble moving on include the following:
1. You Were Too Invested Into The Relationship
Some people invest way too much into a relationship; more than is necessary. Therefore, it feels almost impossible to move on when that relationship ends because they feel they could never put that much effort into another person.
For instance, some people cut off ties with their friends once they find a partner. In such a case, when the relationship breaks down, they might lack the social support they need to move on with their lives.
That is why your purpose in life should not be another person, however much you love them. Even when you want to give someone your all, you should never forget who you are or lose yourself completely.
2. You Are Living In The Past
If you cherish the moments you spent with your partner so much, you can have a big problem moving on. It is hard to move on to the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the previous chapter.
You can’t change your past, but you can change your future. So, you should learn to leave the past where it belongs and focus on the beautiful future ahead of you.
Making an effort is worthwhile as it might be the secret to getting over your heartbreak.
3. Recurrent Trauma
A heartbreak can bring up strong emotions about past trauma. Intimate relationships can get very intense, and when they break, people might struggle as old scars are reopened.
4. You Are Blaming Yourself
Some people blame themselves because things didn’t work out. However, that is wrong because you could never have known things would have turned out that way.
Learn to accept that we can make mistakes in life, but what’s important is that we learn and grow from that. Dwelling on what could have been is usually the wrong idea.
5. You Still Think Your Ex Was The One
If you got it into your head that your ex was “the one” and can’t let go of that thought, moving on might be an impossible challenge for you. You can find ways to get over this.
For instance, chances are that if you look closely enough, you will find out that the great memories you have about your ex had a lot to do with you and the love you offered this person.
Why Love Was Not Enough
Some people have such a hard time moving on because they can’t seem to figure out why love was never enough to keep the relationship moving forward. It is important to understand that there is more to a relationship than just love.
Sure, love plays a central role, but the lack of other important factors, it does not count for much.
For instance, you might not have had a future together. It could also be that the fights were no longer worth the great memories you shared.
Some people also suffer abuse at the hands of those they love, making the relationship worth ending. You might also not be getting the attention and love you deserve, which is a good reason to step away from the relationship.
The fact is, when people break up, even if they love each other, there is usually a good reason behind it. When you focus on this reason and not the love you feel, you might see why the breakup might be the best thing that happened to you.
So, can you ever stop loving someone?
Loving someone means opening up to them and making yourself vulnerable. So, being heartbroken after realizing the person you loved with everything you have no longer has feelings for you can leave your soul crushed.
That is why love is one of the greatest risks you can take in this life. Fortunately, when it works out, it is totally worth it.
However, when it doesn’t, there are ways you can try and get over the situation and move on.
So, can you ever stop loving someone?
Unfortunately, there is no simple answer to this question.
The truth is that you can’t make the decision not to love someone. People can’t stop loving you either just because they don’t want to.
The best you can do is work on healing yourself and hope that you can find the strength to move on and make the best of life going forward.