During a humorous conversation, I jokingly suggested trying "butt stuff" with my ex-boyfriend. As our banter continued, we eventually decided to give it a shot instead of just discussing it. Despite past unsuccessful attempts, I felt more at ease exploring something new with this partner, as our relationship was more meaningful. And to my surprise, I ended up thoroughly enjoying the experience.
1. It brought us to a whole new level of intimacy
Anal sex takes intimacy to a whole new level. Personally, I wouldn't even consider it until I've been consistently spending nights at my partner's place for a few months. It's a big step that requires a lot of trust, and I need to feel completely comfortable with my partner before even entertaining the idea. But if that trust and love are there, the experience can be truly amazing.
2. Why even consider it? The sensitivity of the area, of course
The perineum, the sensitive area between the butt and vagina, may not be the most stimulated during sex, but it's a great starting point. While it's not the clitoris, exploring its untapped nerves can bring a range of new sensations that I wouldn't have experienced otherwise.
3. It's important to take a moment to prepare yourself… alone
I had attempted anal play in previous relationships, but it never went smoothly. However, I was determined to give it a fair chance, so I started exploring it on my own first. Whenever I felt the urge to pleasure myself, I would use a toy or a finger in that area to get more comfortable with it and reduce any potential shock. I understood that it would feel different with a partner and I would have less control, but at least I wasn't entirely unprepared.
4. I did a LOT of research on lube. No, really
Although being an overachiever may turn off some guys, I want to leave no stone unturned in ensuring that I know exactly what I'm getting into. Thus, I did some research on lubricants and techniques to make everything as smooth as possible. Having covered all of my bases, I felt much more comfortable.
5. Timing is essential
Spontaneity isn't always an option when it comes to anal sex. Planning ahead is necessary, and while some may feel it takes away from the romance, I found it better to be safe than sorry. The first step was ensuring I had a bowel movement that day. There was no way I'd let him get up in there unless I cleared my bowels. Not doing so would kill the mood and create insecurity, which I wanted to avoid for an enjoyable experience.
6. Regardless of the circumstances, I had to focus on relaxing
Despite my nerves, I knew that being tense wouldn't get us anywhere. To set the mood, we had wine and played soft music. We took our time with lots of foreplay and connecting with each other, easing into the act. Once completely relaxed, I was excited to do it and the stress dissipated. This made the whole experience easier, and I enjoyed it the entire time.
7. For sanitary purposes, it's important to keep it localized
Although it may be tempting to switch between anal and vaginal penetration, it's important not to. The vagina is highly susceptible to infection, and any pleasure gained isn't worth the risk. Instead, focus solely on the anal region and take precautions such as washing up afterwards. While it may not seem sexy, getting creative with it can make it enjoyable.
8. There will be awkwardness and it's pretty much unavoidable
Consider the fact that he'll be penetrating your anus. The thought alone made me laugh and no matter how intimate, romantic, or relaxed we were, there were moments that were just plain awkward. However, we laughed through it and I think it made the experience more special. We had to get through it together, weirdness and all, creating a bond we hadn't shared with anyone else before.