It should come as no surprise that blood can make us relatives, but loyalty binds us together as a family. My family used to rip everyone apart or take sides instead of staying together while I was growing up.
I'm sure many of you would connect with this. As a result, I learned a long time ago that I needed to expand my circle.
Do you have someone in your family with whom you barely communicate or see? Why is loyalty valued more than your family? Will you put your faith in people who are deeply interested in your life? Do you have friends who respect your ambitions and are willing to support you when you really need them?
You are told as a child that no matter what the situation is, you would always put your family above everything.
However, over time, you begin to notice that the people who cause you the most pain are not strangers but those you trust blindly. Blood only binds you together, but loyalty is what defines a true family.
It is always safe to follow your instincts. So, if anything does not feel right, it probably is. Over the years, I have realized that my blood relatives never supported me, but my friends were always there for me.
Concepts of a Family
The concept of a family can be seen in various ways, from your parents, who gave you a beautiful life, to your brothers or sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and so on. It could also be described as good friends, people in your life who motivate you to become a good person, and people who care for your well-being in general.
While being related by blood makes you a relative, it does not mean you should be treated like family. Blood may be thicker than water, but it does not mean you should put it first every time.
"Family is not always related by blood. It is the people close to you who want to be a part of your life. Those that accept you the way you are. Those who would make every effort to make you happy and love you unconditionally."
It has the possibility to be the most powerful relationship in the world, but it must be nurtured, worked on, and handled with respect, just as any other relationship.
Blood vs. Loyalty
Today, the original definition of family is no longer valid. You do not have to feel guilty for yourself or answer a thousand questions on why you prefer your family over the one you were born.
You do not have to apologize for getting rid of people who do not treat you right. Family should help you instead of bringing you down. And if they do not agree with anything you do in life, they should still support you.
They should always be there to make you happy when you cry, give guidance when required, not pass harsh judgment when you do something wrong, and always love you.
Unfortunately, your relatives will not always be able to support you.
Just because they are your relatives does not give them the right to make fun of you for your personal decisions.
Growing up, you were taught that your family should always be there for you in every situation.
Standing up against someone older than you as a child was criticized even though they were doing horrible things to you. But not anymore, and your family no longer has the power to break you down, nor do they have the right to choose whether they want to become a part of your life.
Your Family is the People You Choose
A family should encourage their loved ones to achieve their goals and not lower their confidence in themselves.
I never had a great family or siblings with whom I could share my feelings or problems. There were only two people in my family that believed in me, my mother and my cousin. The rest of my family tried their best to tear me apart and lower down my self-esteem.
While living far from my hometown, one of my siblings contacted me for financial help. I tried my best to help him in his difficult situation even I was barely contacted by him in years. But when I needed some emotional support, my sibling turned his back towards me.
Even if you are my relative, you do not have the right to become my family. It reaches the point that letting things slide just because "you are my so-called family" is not an option. It is not acceptable for you to vanish while things in my life are not going great and reappear when you think things are acceptable.
"OHANA means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten."
The Key to a Peaceful Family
Most families watch their children leaving their homes and do not keep in touch with them. These families feel the loneliness of not having their children with them during their happy or sad moments.
We can not hold anyone responsible for our sufferings. You can not blame your parents if you still feel nervous and not being able to do some things today. Or your sibling was always preferred or loved more than you.
Clearly, we all make several mistakes. But we must still take care of our lives, knowing how to respond, having a voice, and saying no whenever required.
Psychologists say that being a family does not mean having the same thoughts and perspectives. As a result, we should not judge, punish, or neglect others. These behaviors build gaps and allow us to have more trust in our friends than in our families.
Sometimes, we might have a "moral requirement" to keep in touch with relatives who harm, bother, or bring us down. However, we must always understand that our inner peace matters the most in our lives. We must stay away from those relatives if they disrespect our decisions.
Sadly, the ones who are expected to care the most about you do not. It is your loss that you will miss out on all the good things happening in my life, as well as all of the upcoming events.
It is exhausting for me to forgive you several times. You make the same excuses every time, but not anymore.
My family is great, and they always make sure that I'm their top priority.
I will make the same efforts for the people who do not leave me alone even when things are not going great and go out of their way to help me.
Those who are with you at your lowest and help you get back to your best are your family.
People who go through the ups and downs of life but still taking pride and pleasure in the good times are the ones I need in my life. Those are the people I refer to as my family.
So, yes, blood ties you to me, but it does not make us family.