Many exes suggest that they want to remain friends after a breakup, even if the relationship ended poorly. This might seem like a good idea in theory, as there may have been a strong connection between the two individuals and they may still care about each other. However, in my experience, this rarely happens. Men often say they want to be friends after a breakup, but they do not actually follow through with this. It seems that they do not truly want to be friends, so why do they suggest it?
They Say It To Ease Their Guilt, Not Your Pain
I had an experience in which I was cheated on by my ex-partner. They told me that they could not imagine life without me, which only made me more angry. If this were true, then why did they damage our relationship by engaging in an affair with someone else? In my opinion, my ex probably just wanted to hear me agree to be friends in order to alleviate their guilt. Even if they meant what they said, I do not want to be friends with someone who treated me poorly in this way.
They Don't Want To See You Move On
It is difficult for me to believe that men feel happy or satisfied when they see their exes moving on with new relationships or experiences. It seems that they do not want to know about the successes or happiness of their exes without them. A true friend should be supportive of their friends' accomplishments and relationships. I do not believe that there are many men who eagerly like or comment on their exes' social media posts with new partners.
They Don't Want To Talk About How You've Moved On
It's natural for friends to want to support and celebrate your new beginning after a breakup. However, it's unlikely that your ex will want to hear all about your new relationship and future plans with your new partner. In fact, most exes probably wouldn't want to listen to you talk about your new love interest at all. Friendship often involves discussing the significant events in each other's lives, and a romantic relationship is often a major event. However, it's important to respect your ex's boundaries and not force them to listen to you talk about your new relationship if they don't want to.
They're Just Nosy AF
It's understandable to be curious about an ex's well-being after a breakup, but it's important to consider the true motivations behind wanting to be friends. If your ex is simply trying to check up on you or see if there's a chance to rekindle the relationship, it may not be genuine friendship. A good partner will respect your decision to move on and won't try to interfere or control your life post-breakup.
They Can't Handle The Fact That They Failed At Something
Ending a long-term relationship can be difficult and emotionally challenging. It's natural to feel a sense of loss and sadness after going from spending a significant amount of time with someone to having no contact with them. Love carries inherent risks, and it's possible that a relationship may not work out despite our best efforts. Some exes may try to suggest staying friends as a way of coping with the failure of the relationship and making it feel less real. It's important to take time to process the breakup and consider what type of relationship, if any, is healthy and beneficial for both parties moving forward.
They Want To Keep The Door Open
In my experience, staying friends with an ex while not officially being in a relationship can lead to complicated and confusing situations, such as hooking up. It's understandable that some people may believe that intimacy can still be a part of a friendship after a breakup, but in my opinion, it's often easier to avoid this type of dynamic by cutting off contact with the ex altogether. This can help prevent the "are-we-together-or-are-we-just-hooking-up-post-relationship" uncertainty and allow both parties to move on more easily.
They Want An Acquaintance, Not A Friend
If one person in a former romantic relationship wants to maintain a friendship while the other wants to rekindle the romance, it can create an imbalanced dynamic. In this situation, the person who only wants a friendship may not have the same level of emotional investment in the relationship, while the other person may be holding on to the bond they shared. This can lead to misunderstandings and disappointment for the person who wants more. It's important to be honest about your feelings and respect each other's boundaries to avoid confusion and maintain healthy communication.
Friends Don't Treat Each Other The Way He Treated You
If you experienced a difficult or unhealthy relationship with your ex, it's important to consider whether maintaining a friendship is a good idea. If your ex treated you poorly during the relationship, it's unlikely that they will suddenly become a supportive and respectful friend. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and boundaries, and if having your ex in your life as a friend doesn't serve you in a positive way, it may be best to cut ties. It's also important to consider the intentions of your ex – if they treated you poorly during the relationship, it's questionable whether they truly value your friendship and whether they deserve a place in your life.
It's Just Something To Say
In the aftermath of a breakup, it's common for one or both parties to say they want to remain friends as a way of easing the tension and sadness of the situation. However, it's important to consider whether this is a genuine desire or if it's simply being used as a way to fill an awkward or emotional moment. It's important to take the time to reflect on the relationship and what, if any, kind of friendship would be healthy and beneficial for both parties moving forward.
You Can't Be Something You Weren't In The First Place
It's not uncommon for people to enter into romantic relationships with someone they weren't friends with first. While it's possible to build a friendship with a partner over time, it can be more challenging if there wasn't a solid foundation of friendship to begin with. In these cases, it may be more difficult to maintain a simple and uncomplicated friendship after the romance ends. It's important to consider whether it's worth trying to maintain a relationship with someone who you didn't have a strong friendship with initially, and whether it's better to move on and focus on building new relationships.
Why Being Friends With Your Ex After A Breakup Probably Isn't A Good Idea Anyway
1. It's A Slippery Slope
It's not uncommon to feel drawn to what's familiar and comfortable, even after a breakup. Even if you believe you've moved on from your ex and don't have romantic feelings for them anymore, it's possible that a lonely moment or a hookup could bring back old emotions. This can create awkwardness and complicate the situation, as you may find that your feelings for your ex have not fully dissipated. It's important to be aware of this possibility and to consider whether maintaining a friendship with an ex, especially if it includes physical intimacy, is truly in your best interest.
2. It Makes It Really Hard To Move On
Even if you and your ex have both processed the breakup in a healthy way and genuinely believe that remaining friends is the best course of action, it's important to recognize that your relationship will never be "normal" in the traditional sense. As you move on and potentially start dating or entering new relationships, your ex will always be present in some capacity, which can make it more difficult or awkward to fully move on in your love life. It's important to consider whether maintaining a friendship with an ex is truly worth the potential challenges and complications that may arise.
3. It's Pretty Disrespectful To Your New Partner
When you start a new relationship, it's important to consider how your past will affect your current and future commitments. If you remain close friends with an ex, it's natural for your new partner to question whether you are fully over your past relationship or if there are underlying issues at play. It's important to be honest about your feelings and intentions with your ex and to consider whether maintaining a friendship is worth potentially causing tension or mistrust in your new relationship. It's also important to consider whether clinging to the past in this way is healthy and productive for your personal growth and happiness.
4. Being Friends Will Be Painful
It's possible for old issues and emotions to resurface when hanging out with an ex as friends, potentially causing hurt feelings or unnecessary grief. It may be best to consider whether maintaining a friendship is worth the potential for difficult or negative memories to arise.
5. Somebody's Always Going To Be Hoping For A Reunion
Staying friends with an ex after a breakup may lead to one party hoping for a reunion, which may not be healthy or productive. It's possible that things will end up the same as before, leading to a cycle of breakups and reunions. It may be best to avoid this dynamic altogether.
6. What's The Point, Really
It's not always easy to transition a romantic relationship into a friendship, and it may not always be necessary or beneficial. It may be better to focus on building strong friendships with supportive people who are genuinely invested in your well-being, rather than trying to maintain a relationship with an ex who was not a good fit. It's okay to end the relationship completely and move on.
It's important to consider the potential pros and cons of being friends with an ex after a breakup and to be honest with yourself and your ex about your motivations. While it's possible to make a friendship work, it's also important to be prepared for disappointment if it doesn't. Cutting ties completely may be the best decision for both parties in the long run.